I don't know what to do. I have a really good guy friend who clearly has more than friendly feelings for me. First he asked me on a date, which I went to with him (at that point I was still questioning myself and figured hey, why not). I knew I didn't have romantic feelings for him, though, and hoped it would just not go any further. Unfortunately, it did. A few days later, he sent me a text message saying, "I can't hold it in anymore. I can't stop thinking about you. I really like you, a lot." And I'm ashamed to admit that I did this (really ashamed) but I basically panicked and texted him back a rejection, telling him I was sorry but I just didn't return his feelings, that I was "going through some stuff" that kept me from wanting to date anyone at that time. I knew I shouldn't have done it and I actually broke down sobbing afterwards (it was morning, I was completely sleep-deprived from being up ALL night working on a school project and I was just completely stressed out). I waited for a text back all day. Nothing. And he wasn't on the bus that afternoon (the only place I see him during the day). I wanted to die. He showed up on the bus the next day. And guess what? He acted like nothing even happened. Other than things being the slightest bit more awkward, nothing was different. He didn't even mention the message. Not once. That was a good month or so ago. I thought things were going to be okay after awhile, but lately he's started crazy-flirting with me again like he used to. And he does it in a way in which if you called him out on it he'd say, "I was just joking around." One day it got a little more serious though, and he ended up half-jokingly asking my brother (who rides the bus with us), "So am I ever going to get a shot with your sister?" I said, "What?" and Chris (my bro) replied (even though he already knew I was a lesbian), "Does he have a shot with you?" Not knowing what else to say, I tried to pretend I hadn't heard him by asking "What?" again. Then the guy in question saw through my act and said, "He was pretty damn clear, Kay. Are you gonna answer?" This was it. This was the perfect time to tell the truth. But you know what I did? I was an idiot. I was a coward. And I turned away from them and shook my head, smiling, pretending they WERE just joking around, and said, "I'm so not going to be part of this conversation." The guy took it as a joke, thankfully, and stopped pressuring me by quickly changing the subject. THAT was a week or two ago. He's still flirting with me constantly, and I know that if I just told him the truth, just told him I was a lesbian, things would be a lot easier for both of us. And I keep planning to, but I never do. I have to tell him. I know I do. It's just so hard to bring myself to do it. I could really use some advice. Jeez, I'm such a horrible coward. I know. I need help.
I think you need to tell him but at the same time,let him know ,it's NOT a joke. Anyone who has come out to others,know how hard this is for you. But,other than just being mean or ignoring him,I think telling him is the right thing to do. I wish you the best. I hope it all goes well for you. Mickey*
I would tell him, but make sure to clear up EVERYTHING. Dont just tell him "im a lesbian" make sure to go back into the past and dig up the exact same things you did here and tell him what you were going through at those moments so he does not jump to any conclusions that he made you a lesbian or something stupid like that. Make sure you go over your entire history with him as you just did for us and explain that it was not his fault at all that things turned out they way they did. I hope that helps, i just tend to think "What bad out-comes could come out of telling this person?" then when i think of one i plan around it.
tbh guys get over crushes, just give it time, i see no reason to tell him unless u feel u have to 4 yourself
This is probably pretty normal for most people, but I can speak from experience that crushes can last for a long time. I held one for over 2 years with someone I KNEW I didn't stand a chance with. (Yeah, I know I'm a fool) Also, it really only ended because I move out of state. I do agree with you though. You should only tell him if you feel it is something you need to do for yourself. If you don't feel that is necessary, just tell him that there isn't a chance that something will happen. It might be hard on him a bit, but that's reality and he should learn to be rejected as life is full of it.
I think you should tell him. Send him a message or sit him down for a chat, but let him know. Tell him that it's not just some excuse you're using to get him to back off, but it's something you've been dealing with for a while. Give him a history and let him know how all of this is making you feel. He means a lot to you, but it just can't work out that way. You never want to lose his friendship, but you don't want to lead him on, it's not fair to either of you. It'll be okay, you're doing the right thing for you him and your friendship. Keep us posted. <3 (&&&)
Ugh.... I'm trying, I really am. But I still feel like an idiot. I was planning to tell him yesterday on the bus. We sit with a little group of people, including my brother and a couple of friends, including one bisexual girl (if you haven't read my other thread: I came out to her recently and she admitted that she liked me, and I admitted I kinda liked her, and so we're kind of openly flirting now and I guess going through the motions of a budding relationship). Everyone in my group knows about this except the guy in question, and I know that if the girl and I do start a real relationship and he has to find out about it then, it wouldn't be good. I think it would soften the blow a lot more to just tell him now. So yeah. I wanted to tell him. The girl knows I'm going through this, and she discreetly sent me encouraging text messages, and I wanted to say it. I really did. But every time I'd open my mouth, I just couldn't find the right words. It would be so much easier to do it over the phone, through message. But would that be too harsh? I'm just so confused over what I should do. I just can't seem to say it out loud.
Hi there! Try not to be too hard on yourself. Coming out in situations like this is hard. But the fact that you want and thought about coming out to him is already one step forward. Maybe what might help is if you would be with him alone, and talk to him. Have maybe a friend close by if you need to talk or be with someone afterward. There is no right way to come out. Come out in the way that you feel most comfortable with. That said, if possible, and given your relationship with him, I think it would be good if you could talk to him in person about it. Maybe you can call him and start coming out to him by saying, 'I would like to get together with you. There is something very important I need to tell you and talk about." I hope this helps!
