Okay, so for the majority of my life I thought I was straight, but lately I have been having some feelings for women. The tricky thing is I am having a hard time telling if it is a soly emotional attraction ( I tend to idolize people a lot) or if there is sexual attraction too. I know that will just take time to figure out. None of you guys have that answer to that. However, I am wondering if I can actually come out if I don't really have a "title"? If my mind just keeps changing, is it bad to come out? It is just there are some people i would like to tell soon cuz they will be leaving for college. I am a face to face, just sit down and tell them person so I want to tell them before they go. I just can't keep coming out out of my head. I even wakeup in panic all the time thinking I told my family. They wouldn't even react badly. I know, but I always wake up really terrified and over heated. I am just stressing out a lot. Sorry, this was a jumble of info. I just need to vent a bit. If you have any advice, I could use it.
Hi there! Absolutely! You don't have to have a label to come out. You could just say, 'I'm questioning my sexual identity and I'm trying to figure things out'. Not necessarily. If your friends are understanding and supportive it should not matter if you are questioning, trying to figure things out, or already have a 'label'. Having these dreams can happen but maybe try not to stress out too much about coming out. Try not get overwhelmed by it. Take it slow and step by step. What might help you a bit too with your coming out process is talking to a counselor. Sometimes having that 'reassurance' in the back of your mind, can help. Any extra support that you can pick up along the way can help you in figuring things out and during your coming out process. I hope this helps a bit.
I have to say, if you're questioning, seeing a counselor helps immensely anyway. I've been seeing one for a few weeks now, and it is amazing how much it's helped in such a short time. Having somebody you can sit and tell everything to, every little niggling doubt, in an environment where it is their job to help you through it? Amazing. Even if it's the same stuff you've been thinking for weeks/months/years, saying it out loud to another human being really helps you sort through it, I find. And if you think those around you will be supportive, then there's no harm in telling them what you're going through! Haha, hell, I'm out to my best friend as "Augh I think I prefer women but I don't knowww I mean I still like LOOKING at some guys but I don't think I'd DATE one and blah blah blah blah blah", though the long-winded rambling nature of it was probably from the vodka, hehe. So you're not alone there! And it may not be as definitive and like you're out there saying "BOOYAH, THIS IS ME", as knowing for certain and saying what you are for certain, but I can speak from experience that even being out as "I'm not sure" makes you feel a lot better. Provided the people around you are supportive, that is. I'd definitely advise against voicing these concerns to anyone who'd try to "talk you out of it", or whatever. Did that help at all? It is late and I think my brain has given up for today, haha!
The advice was really helpful from both of you. Thank you so much! My youth minister at church sort of acts as a counselor. I originally went to talk to her about family issues I was having. I didn't really know her that well at the time, but we started meeting every week and I finially told her. She has really helped me; she listens and gives great advice. She suggested that I see a counselor, even before came out to her. The only thing is I wouldn't know where to find one or how to do it without my parents knowing. Or how to pay for that matter.
It's totally fine to come out as "not sure". If you just say something like "I'm not sure if I'm straight or not, I really don't know whether I'll end up with a guy or girl in the future, but I'm not ready to put a label on it yet", I think your friends will understand.
Do you have insurance, for starters? As for your parents... You could just tell them that you're having some issues and would like to see a counselor, without going into the specifics. You're going through some stuff and you'd just like somebody impartial to talk to, something like that. I brought the issue up with mine and they didn't really pry into why, so I never had to dodge that one. But you might mention that your youth minister suggested you see a counselor, too, if they're not too receptive to the idea.
Hi there! I think it's really good that you already have someone to talk about things and have some support already. Would a school counselor be an option for you? Usually all sessions (and it doesn't matter with what kind of counselor you are talking with) are confidential and your parents won't be notified. If that is not an option by chance, teachers are good counselors too. Do you have a favourite teacher? Like this you would not have to pay to see a counselor. It might make things a bit easier on you too.
I am really busy right now so it would be hard to fit in a counselor, but I would definitely consider finding one over the summer. For now, if I will tell anyone it would be these two guys. They are both gay, but both very different and had extremely different coming out situations. I am fairly close to them. They areboth going off to college, but I could easily talk to them during the rest if school and the summer. Even the idea of talking to my parents about the counceling scares me a bit. I know they will question me and worry like crazy. (not about being gay, trust me.., they have no idea about this, but about our family issues, parents fighting, ect.) I need to know everything all the time that is who they are. My pastor offered to sit down and talk to them with me or without me. I don't know. It makes me nervous!
Hi there! If you feel comfortable maybe try coming out to your two friends. Having their support and also having someone who has gone through similar feelings to talk to can be really helpful. Both are gay and have different experiences. I couldn't think of a better way to continue your coming out process. Both could be an important part of your support network. Give it some thought. If you trust them and if you feel okay with coming out to them, maybe take one of them aside, and try talking with him. As for the minister/pastor, let her know that you are not ready to come out to your parents at this stage. But I think it's great that your pastor has offered that to you. When you are ready to come out to your parents, maybe take her up her offer.
