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Old 7th May 2009, 05:38 PM   #1
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Default "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Hey guys! So I heard this phrase today for the first time used in an argument. I told one of my acquaintances (You know, the friend of the friend type) that I was bi, after he asked if I was a lesbian after making some comment about how hot girl X was.

I was shocked. I mean, I know it's the classic case of biphobia, but what could I say? A couple of my friends gave him a through scolding, but it really stuck with me. I went though a huge fight with myself for 2 years about this. I think I know who I am better than he does.

But anyway, I was was wondering what EC thought of this phrase? And for all the bisexuals out there, have you ever heard this used? What kind of rebuttal would you have to this phrase? I believe mine was simply "Fuck off." ...Not exactly the most articulate debate.

So, discuss.
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Old 7th May 2009, 05:45 PM   #2
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

I've heard something similar to this: "Bisexual is just another word for sex addict."
Although I am not bisexual, I still found this offensive.
As for a rebuttal...I can't exactly think of something clever right on the spot, so I think we would share the same rebuttal.
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Old 7th May 2009, 05:45 PM   #3
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Yeah, some people like to ignore the presence of bisexuality because it contradicts the binary. Black/white, right/wrong/ gay/straight. Some people don't like to acknowledge the fact that, especially with who you love, there's a shade of gray. It's just a way for some people to put other people down.
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Old 7th May 2009, 05:51 PM   #4
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

It's unfortunate, but there are a lot of gay folk who are incredibly biphobic. I don't understand how you can be gay in a heteronormative and be judgmental of another person's orientation. But it just shows you there's bigots everywhere. Don't you love this world? I'm sorry Jesse, but I recommend you get used to it, and quick. Bigotry isn't going anywhere in a hurry.
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Old 7th May 2009, 06:08 PM   #5
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

I think it is exceedingly narrow-minded. It's like saying "Oh please, you either like chocolate OR vanilla ice cream, you can't like both." I mean, people like women, others like men, obviously there are things that are attractive about both. Why does it break peoples' brains so much to think that one person could happen to find both attractive? Why? Just because YOU* don't, NOBODY can? OBVIOUSLY bisexuals are all lying because YOU don't understand what it's like to be attracted to men and women?

Arghhh.

It's especially hurtful from when it comes from the gay community. That's the same judgmental kind of attitude that we're trying to fight, guys, c'mon. :(

*That's hypothetical 'you', and not anybody in this post, of course :P
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Old 7th May 2009, 06:17 PM   #6
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

I totally disagree with that statement although I would suspect there are quite a few gays that say they're bi before they say they're completely gay.
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Old 7th May 2009, 06:25 PM   #7
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

haha... I have heard a lot of biphobic comments like this one.
my favorite is "Bisexual men really only like men, and bisexual women really only like men."
it's just ignorance. try educating your friend, that's really all you can do.
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Old 7th May 2009, 06:27 PM   #8
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

When you hear that, just tell them 'you're either ignorant or super ignorant'.
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Old 7th May 2009, 06:28 PM   #9
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

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Originally Posted by theworld View Post
I totally disagree with that statement although I would suspect there are quite a few gays that say they're bi before they say they're completely gay.
This is true. I think it's partly this -- people coming out as bi because they don't yet realize they're gay, or coming out as bi because it's "easier"(? I never understood that) -- that helps perpetuate some of that perceptions of bisexuals just being "confused", or "just a phase". And, really, it can take a while to realize that, no, you really are mostly interested in one gender or another, so that's understandable. I'm personally just stickin' with "queer" until I figure out the specifics, myself, heheh.

Still. If someone says they're bi, I'ma believe them, just like I'ma believe anyone who tells me they're gay, or a lesbian, or straight, or whatever inbetween! I think it's really presumptuous to say to somebody "No you're not, you're either this or that". Who the hell knows me better than... me? The answer is, "well it's NOT YOU, JERK >:|"
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Old 7th May 2009, 06:46 PM   #10
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

I've heard this one, and similar ones a lot...I never really have a response, I just kind of blow it off.

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Originally Posted by mediumdietcoke View Post
haha... I have heard a lot of biphobic comments like this one.
my favorite is "Bisexual men really only like men, and bisexual women really only like men."
it's just ignorance. try educating your friend, that's really all you can do.
It is just ignorance. And it doesn't help that there are people out there--mostly women--who will say they are "bi" just to get the attention of a male. I see it a lot here (yay college), and it kind of pisses me off that these people just keep perpetuating the very things that give bisexuals a bad name in the GLBT community AND the straight community.

So it is a combination of ignorance and girls being well...sluts. And it sucks, but I doubt it will change for a long time.

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Originally Posted by Mysterons View Post
When you hear that, just tell them 'you're either ignorant or super ignorant'.
I'm going to have to remember that one.
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Old 7th May 2009, 10:40 PM   #11
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

my friend told me she doesnt believe in bi people, she thinks they're just gay people that havent come fully out and just fall back on being bi, cause she says she cant see how people could feel attraction for both guys and girls. i didnt have a very good argument for her but i kept thinking about it and i should have said something like, you've felt an attraction for 2 guys at the same time before right? well as far as attraction goes, bi people can do the same thing, except the definitive line that divides the sexes isnt as bold. also, since she cant see the attraction to her own sex, how does she think that gay people exist?

i think straight people are afraid of bi people because they are afraid they'll sleep with someone that will turn around and go gay on them without warning, so i guess what they're really afraid of is commitment issues...which is unfortunately what bi people are often pegged with.
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Old 7th May 2009, 10:52 PM   #12
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Here's the thing. People have an innate condition where they think "as for me, so for all". We're all guilty of it. We like something, so everybody likes it. We think something's gross, so everybody must think it's gross. "How can you not like cheesecake?" "Disgusting! Why would you willingly eat Brussell sprouts?" "You've gotta see the new Star Trek movie - *I* loved it!" "What do you mean, you don't like Katy Perry - what's wrong with you?" Also, you'll see people find a similarity to something in their own lives, and somehow, that makes you an expert. "You sneezed? There's that sneezing thing that's going around, and I took zinc tablets, and it went away, so you should, too."

Then us non-bisexuals run into bisexuality. Something we most likely haven't experienced. And we think, "No, I never liked girls - I only liked guys. So this guy also only likes guys. Unless he's straight." Or else we did the "bisexual/uncertain" phase, and so, just like the zinc tablets, that MUST be what's going on with Mr or Ms Bisexual. Hey, it was true of us, so it HAS to be true of them, too, right?

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Old 7th May 2009, 11:08 PM   #13
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

I would just tell them to read up on something before they make idiotic statements about it like that. There are plenty of experts who would disagree with that statement.
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Old 8th May 2009, 12:43 PM   #14
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Thanks guys! Yeah, I saw him again today and he apologized. He still believes what he said, but he didn't mean to offend me.

I just feel like I know who I am and I know what I feel. I don't have to be stuck on one side or the other to be happy and like who I am, thankyouverymuchMr.jerkface. I know biphobia, (My mom has it... Wish I'd known that before I came out!) But I hate the reasons for it. It just suprises me that people who are fine with Gays and Lesbians are so weirded by Bisexuals. You'd think they would've gotten past that. I really like your point, Lex. Understanding that makes it easier to discuss.

Thanks so much for the feedback guys!
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Old 8th May 2009, 08:51 PM   #15
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesse Jinx View Post
Thanks guys! Yeah, I saw him again today and he apologized.
Great!
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Old 8th May 2009, 09:35 PM   #16
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Some other responses I've heard:

"Bisexuals are confused."
"They just want attention."
"They're horny and want to have sex with everyone."
"All bisexuals are actually gay."
(the strangest one yet) "They'll grow out of it and become straight when they get older."

Everything isn't an either-or-situation, so why must sexuality be?
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Old 9th May 2009, 04:00 AM   #17
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnight Angel View Post
Yeah, some people like to ignore the presence of bisexuality because it contradicts the binary. Black/white, right/wrong/ gay/straight. Some people don't like to acknowledge the fact that, especially with who you love, there's a shade of gray. It's just a way for some people to put other people down.
I totally agree. also another thing that society doesn't like to acknowledge the shades of gray in is the differentiation between male and female, hence we have our rigid gender stereotypes and there is little room for anything in between.

To the people who who say "You're either gay, straight, or lying"
I'd say "You're either ignorant, insecure or lying"
Though I have been known on occasion to resort to a simple yet effective expletive.
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Old 9th May 2009, 04:19 AM   #18
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

My oppinion of bisexuals is quite similar to the quote, but believe me, I'd never phrase it like that.
The way he said it was just plain rude.
I'd phrase more along the lines of "You can't have your cake and eat it too".
You can't have both... you can try. But you'll need to make a choice eventually.

Now, before I get attacked, please respect my oppinion.
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Old 9th May 2009, 04:42 AM   #19
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

ive heard bisexuals best of both worlds

i just hate having to class yourself you love who you love it should be the person not the gender

some would prob say im bi some say im gay and lieing but it dont matter if i love a person ill be with them... wella slong as they love me too lol i aint no creepy stalker lol
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Old 9th May 2009, 06:15 AM   #20
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Default Re: "You're either gay, straight, or lying."

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Originally Posted by BeautifulStranger View Post
I'd phrase more along the lines of "You can't have your cake and eat it too".
You can't have both... you can try. But you'll need to make a choice eventually.
Isn't that a bit of a misrepresentation of what being bi is? I mean, it's not because you can fall in love with both that you do so at the same time!
Gay people or straight people generally do choose one person to be with at a time as well. So they choose too eventually. Bisexuals just choose from a bigger pool!

Perhaps as a confession, I used to be quite judgemental on bi people too. In the meantime I met some awesome bi people both IRL and here, and I am glad to say I was cured of my misconceptions.
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