A Virgin @ 25

I'm 15 years old but I sort of understand what you are trying to say. First of all, being gay does not mean you are going to get laid the second you jump out of the closet with roses, rainbows and delightful unicorns. Second, most people WANT to commit to someone, build trust and have a decent healthy relationship before becoming physical. There is NO reason for you to feel bad about thinking this way, in fact, its admirable. Lastly, not all gay men 'think' this way, maybe the ones that are so overly comfortable and sexually active maybe, but you'll find that MANY do wish for a relationship instead of a fling.

I know I'm going backwards on this but bear with me. If you are gay, you are gay, it doesn't automatically define you as this sexually free sentinent being. So when people are like,"Are you sure?", just tell them that you sure as hell are sure. Personally I feel that twenty five is a good time for a relationship to blossom, mid twenties, prime of your life, off from college, stable job~ Better setting, better fundamentals to achieve a relationship.

All I have to say is this. Don't worry if you don't fit that image of a sexually free gay image. I'm JUST like that, hell, I don't want to jump on every hot guy I see. Like you, I want to develop a relationship step by step before unzipping the pants. You are a individual, and you don't need to conform to that image or how your other gay friends act. Its really good that you feel this way. I've stated earlier that twenty five is a good year for a relationship and I'm sure when you find the right man, you'll be able to develop emotionally. There is no extreme lateness at all. I might be a decade behind you in age, but I understand where you are coming from and I don't see a problem with what you want at all! :]

 

I agree with Roralo on this one. Don't feel the need to conform in any way. Just be who you are.

 

26 and june, and a virgin also.

I never dated because I knew I was gay, and now that I have come out, my classes and work keep me too exhausted to date...

oh well.

 

I was in a similar situation a few months ago...and I wasted my virginity. What you should realize is that you just have to be you, and not someone you can't be. If you aren't promiscuous, then you're not promiscuous.

Not all gay men are extremely promiscuous; I don't know where you live, but just because one is gay, doesn't mean they have sex all the time with whoever .

You will find someone you love eventually, and then the waiting will just seem so much better when you lose it to someone that means something to you.

 

I didn't accept being gay til i was 20, and i was a virgin til i was 21. Its nothing to be ashamed about.

 

Im 20 and im in your exact same shoes. At times I feel like the world is passing me by and im just standing there watching not doing anything about it while the raging gay is trying to kill my conservative side but having that conservative side is what keeps me level headed at times as well and its hard trying to find someone like that. I either run into the fire gay or the emo gay. lol.

On the virginity side, OMG I want to loose it so bad but I came to a realization that I would rather give it to a certain fish in the sea rather than to lose it to one of the many fish out there and never see it again. I'm happy with my va-gin-gin status.

 

If I understand your dilemna, one side of you wants to let loose and go wild and the other won't let you or blocks you.

What you are living is a typical case of the reason vs. desire. Currently, you are only functionning with the reason and letting the desire hidden inside, there are many reasons for you doing that and not letting it out.

What I will suggest to you is to try to think about the reasons why you are unable to let the passion out, why is the "desire" shut down, why is the reason taking over the passion?

This will help you understand better your situation and make your judgement clearer. If you like reading, read a little the theories in "De Anima" by Aristotle (a great greek philosopher).

Hope this helps...

 

I finally lost my virginity when I was 25. Maybe you will, too.

Lex

 

You're what the few gay men in this world look for. Someone who wants a relationship that starts with friendship. Just stay who you are, and be confident in yourself.

 

^^

Amen.

 

^^ I agree. Don't compare yourself to a stereotype, just be yourself and never forget there is nothing wrong with wanting a meaningful relationship.

 

I can completely relate!
I'm 25 as well, and never even really held hands with a guy yet. And I don't see it happening before I turn 26 next month either.

And I sort of agonise about how it's too late, and how I wasted my chance to come out to people when I was in college, and have romantic relationships and wild parties etc...
When I look at all those younger people on here, I feel jealous about how they could be themselves at a much younger age, and how everyone worth taking is taken already.

On the other hand, as I come out to more and more people, I find it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I just guess that I took the time it took, and that since I can't go back and change, I'd better just look to the future.
On the other hand, I do feel the same like you do in that I feel that after waiting long enough to take a shot at dating guys, I'd better make it count. So I would like to meet someone that's more of a soulmate with which the physical part comes later, instead of a fuckbuddy for which I eventually develop deeper feelings...

But hey, I can see several people on this thread that feel the same way already. So you're definitely not alone!
Just remember that there's no such thing as a single "gay lifestyle" (dang I hate that term!) and that there's no reason to conform to it!

 

Don't worry about being 25 and a virgin. Do whats best for you. If feel that you want to find the right guy first before you have sex go for it. Its your body. I came out latter in life and only lost mine about 2 months ago. Looking back I am glad that I waited.

 

None the less, being a virgin isn't bad. I gave mine up to someone who tricked me into believing that being a virgin in the nearby metropolitan city was a bad thing. I regret it greatly and wish I was losing my virginity to my boyfriend that I'm with because it's the best relationship I've ever had. So stay who you are, don't think you need to have sex to be "whole" or w/e, being a virgin and then losing it to someone you really love is the most important thing in the world. I would say wait until maybe a year with that partner so that you definitely know it's meaningful enough, but yeah that's just my suggestion.

 

You need to do it on your terms, not someone elses.

I would rather lose it to a guy I feel a deep connection with, and have forged a strong relationship with... rather then just lose it for the sake of losing it.

 

I am 23 and a virgin. I am kinda proud but I feel what you are feeling. Its like I need to have sex with another guy to validate my sexuality? I don't really think thats the case but I found that I need something another level rather than sexuality to just be with a person. I think we just really need to be patient. I want a companion not really a f buddy you know what I mean? Someone to share with not just the sex.

 

^^^ Quoting for truth.

I was a virgin in all regards until I was 25, and even after that I never had full-out sex until it was with my current boyfriend.

Trust me, it was worth it.

It's very easy to feel inferior or odd or whatever for not having sex and being a virgin, as it seems like everyone in the whole Universe is fucking like rabbits all the time. But think of it like this. Different people have different viewpoints about sex. Some think of it as just a form of entertainment, on the same level as watching a movie or going to the casino or whatever, others think of sex as the ultimate expression of love and the union of partners, and there are all points between.

So figure out what sex means to you. And then once you've figured that out, be proud about it. In just about all things in life, others will take their cues from you. It's true in regards to how one treats their sexuality. It's true about how one treats a major injury. And, it's true about being a virgin. If you're comfortable with it and proud of it, others will take their cue from you.

I decided very early in my life that I was far more interested in sex that meant something and that I wasn't interested in a quick fuck for a bit of fun. That's just not who I am as a person. You sound like you're the same way, so when you're with someone, just tell them gently that you're not very experienced, and if they're worth anything at all, they'll take it easy with you and treat you right. Very early on, I told my now boyfriend that I was still pretty inexperienced, and we talked, and he's made sure to treat me right. And yes, he's made me very happy that I waited, because instead of just something to do, when I finally did it, it was something magical.

 

I'd like to quote the original quote for truth, and xequar's post as well Very very true.

I'm "only" 18, but my friend told me the other day I'm "the most virgin person" he knows, which is undoubtedly true! But while it used to bother me, I'm now really comfortable about waiting for the right person and the right time (I've waited this long, might as well make it worth it!). I completely understand how you feel, but it's not a big thing and you're not alone

 

I'm 35 and in the same situation - my feeling on the whole subject is that i want it to be with someone who is happy to take things slowly and wants to give me pleasure and help me explore the physical side ofrelationships and learn what i enjoy...

I've always felt that sex should be part of a relationship, not a one-off hookup. Yes, that's right, not all gay guys are bed-hopping man-whores ;-)