I don't understand myself. I know I'm gay, I've had hidden "relationships" and I want to be out to my friends and family and have regular relationships with no fear and with pride. However I'm unable to come out to any one of my friends or family members. I care a lot about my family and don't want to hurt them. I'm also very scared of their reaction. It's all in my hands and I have to decide what to do, actually I know what to do but I can't. I'm to weak, too caring and too scared... I wish I were careless, I wish I could just be myself and stop all that non sense. I hope one day I will be able to... Thanks for reading, I simply needed to let it all out.
Coming out for alot of people is like a little kid pacing back and worth on the egde of the outdoor pool. The little kid knows the pool is cold and its not going to be comfortable. His body is screaming to him "Dont do it". His mind is screaming to him "Just jump". He may put one toe it, or a foot, and feel the water. Its definitely cold, and definitely not going to be fun. He just paces more and does nothing. The little kid has every intention of going swimming because he knows its enjoyable and fun, its just that first leap into the pool he has the trouble with. Its a constant battle between mind and body. Eventually however, the boy gets cold by being outside of the pool. He weights the new situation. Stay out of the pool and freeze, or jump inside the pool and freeze. When it becomes equal or worse to stay out of the pool than be in it, the boy finally makes his move. He jumps. At first, the cold sensation creeps up his entire body. But soon the little kid starts to warm up. He swims around in the pool and starts to smile once again. Life is great, life is good. Thinking back to when he was standing on the egde of the pool the little boy cant believe he did not jump sooner. It was not a painful experience at all, if only he knew that then. A few minutes later another little boy walks up the pool. Now he is going through the same thing. The boy in the pool trys to help the boy on the edge by telling him it will be easy as soon as he jumps and that he has no reason to be afraid. The boy standing on the egde however cannot see things like that. He goes through all the same motions. However, maybe, and just maybe, because he sees the other boy having fun in the pool he will jump sooner than that little boy did. Ok, i know everyone must be getting sick of my god awful metaphors but i felt this one worked Its not perfect and i worded it bad, but i hope you get what im trying to say? I know how you feel. You want to be out so bad. You cant understand why you cant just say it already. Well, that reason is logic. Your body is telling you people wont accept you, people will think of you different, you will be an outcast, and every other bad thing you can think up. Its really not as scary as it seems though, trust someone whos been there. It may not be a cakewalk at first, but once you do come out you will start to see that its really not as big of a monster as you thought before you were out. However, its not easy to be convinced by anyone. Your still going to be afraid no matter what anyone says. Its going to come down to do YOU feel being closeted is worse than what lies ahead if you come out? Once you get sick of your closet turst me, you will find the strength to say the two words "Im gay" without hesitation. Everyone has a breaking point, i just hope yours is not too high (*hug*) Hope this helps! Again, feel free to PM/Wall post me to chat about anything.
Impressive Greg, thanks a lot... AND I love your metaphors! Stunning, really Your message just made me smile and helps a lot.
Hi there! It is very normal to be scared to come out to family and friends because we don't know how they might react, what they will tell us. We are afraid that what we want to tell them will hurt them because we know (from what they have told us) what they expect from us and what their dreams are for us. They become a part of us. At the same time, in many ways, their dreams and expectations can change, and this is something we don't give a lot of thought to. If you come out to them, yes the dreams that your parents had for you, might have been different, but at the same time, new dreams will be formed. The same goes for expectations. It is a process that will take time but dreams and expectations are often based on the 'available information,' while at other times they are not. Would your coming out to your parents alter their dreams and expectations for you? We have ideas and we might even know the answer already but our internal homophobia and internal fears will trump all of that. Over the years by being in the closet you have built up internal homophobia that will make itself known every time you start thinking about coming out. Coming out involves letting go of that. It involves changing how you relate to others, it involves learning to talk about the one thing that you have never dared to talk about. You have probably read it a hundred times by now, but it will get easier (relatively speaking) once you have become comfortable with the idea of coming out. It takes a lot of energy to change things and to overcome the internal homophobia and fears that we experience, but as you start thinking about some of the reasons, things might change a bit. Having a really good reason or a couple of reasons to come out, might help in that the reason or reasons will provide you with an incentive to come out and to take that first step. Maybe ask yourself, 'why is it that I want to come out?' Thinking about the answers might give you some encouragement to take the first step to talk to a good or best friend whom you trust and know that he or she might be accepting. Writing it all out, and having it in front of you might also help. Maybe try to come up with a list of answers, and see what you have got. Also, and I don't know how comfortable you would be with that idea, but maybe try finding a LGBT support group that you could contact. If you are not comfortable to join them that's absolutely fine and okay but maybe at least try to meet someone from that group to talk about coming experiences. Sometimes, listening to others who have been there and have done it, can be of an incredible help in that as we absorb the information we will start to see similarities and differences. By listening to others you might say to yourself, 'his experiences are not that different than from what I'm going through, maybe I could try a similar approach' or you might think, 'his experiences are very different but here are some of things that I have going for me.' Listening to others can help you to put your fears into perspective and allow you to start making some decisions as to what path might be good to take. Obviously it involves coming out, but that coming out, would be your 'safest' coming out because the person listening knows how incredibly hard it can be to have the fears of rejection, make sense of ones fears, and coming out. Give it some thought. I hope this helps!
Hey there bro! You know I am in the same boat, I am 23 and know I am gay. I talked this over and even came out to my family and they didn't believe me. They are more in denial it ended up being an argument leading to no talking then leading to me caving in saying maybe I'm not which then made peace. The truth is, its our own lives and if they want to be apart of it they can if they can swallow their pride and accept or in the very least tolerate what we are. I am trying to make the same choice of just coming out all together but I won't probably and I am ok with that.
