Okay, so here's where I stand coming out. I have a list of friends who I need to come out to, and right now I finished 4 of my 6 best friends. The 4 I came out to are all my camp friends, and they're best friends with each other too (one of the ones I didn't come out to is a camp friend also, but he's away for the summer, so I haven't had a chance to come out to him yet). Anyway, the other best friend I'm having a lot of trouble coming out to. I sit across from him every night, and in my head I'm screaming "I'm Gay... I'm Gay!!!" but the words just won't come out :bang: . It's really really frustrating. I think he'll have a good reaction, maybe not as good as the other four (they were thrilled... which I doubt is a common response), but I'm nervous because he doesn't have another best friend in common with me to talk about it with. I mean, I guess he doesn't really need to talk about it with anyone... but it would be nice for there to be some way of him talking about it without me. So far I thought I might ask him to tell one of his best friends who I'm also good friends with, or give him the numbers of my camp friends, so he can talk to them if he's having a problem with it. But I really don't know what to do, and I want to tell him asap! How can I get the lump out of my throat and just say the damned words already?
Hey - it sounds like to me that maybe because he doesn't have anyone close to him to talk about this, that he might have a negative response to your coming out? You sound like you really wanna do this (obviously haha) and am comfortable coming out in general, and think that he'll be fine when you do come out, but it does sound like you have some doubts about his reaction. I think giving him the numbers of the others that know is a good idea, they could share how they felt about it and whatnot. And if it's that big a deal to talk to someone else about you coming out to him, he'll find someone, if not someone else, then you. Believe me, if there's something a person wants to talk about with someone else, they'll find someone. I think if you really want to tell him, go for it, but you have to feel comfortable enough to do so.
It's nice of you to be so concerned about your friend but really, I don't think it's exactly devastating in this day and age to have a friend come out to you. If he has trouble dealing with it, well... that's his problem, and by that I mean you should totally be as supportive as you can but I don't think that extends to not coming out to him because you haven't arranged a support system for him in case he falls apart. I mean, you're gay, not a mass murderer, a pedophile, or an alien that wants to suck his brains out. I think if you explain to him you're a little concerned he might not have anyone to decompress about it with, that would probably be enough. And if he asks why you waited somewhat to tell him, just be honest and say you thought it would be nice if you could line some people up. It's good to think of others but I think it can be overdone sometimes. You don't need to feel guilty about coming out to him without a strategy anticipating his every possible reaction. Just be like, "Hey, I'm gay, I thought you should know because we're good friends. But now that I've told you, I really have a hankering for your brains."
LOL @ joey... I agree w/ joeyconnick. Coming out can be such a huge issue in our own lives that we just assume that it'll be a huge issue for others, but I don't think that's the case when it comes to friends. It certainly wasn't when I came out to my friends, anyway.
Okay, just wanted to let you know, I came out to the friend I was worried about tonight, and it went so well!!!!! He was a little shocked at first, said he never really thought about it, but the first thing he said was, "You know this doesn't change anything, right?" Those were the greatest words I've ever heard. We then had an hour and a half long conversation... obviously a lot of it was about my being gay, and all of that... but we moved on to plain old gossip and normal conversation, which was such a weight of my shoulders! He even asked me if I'd want him to come to a gay club with me!!!
That's really awesome, and totally cool that he would offer to come to a gay club with you--because that's about the most "un-'straight guy'" environment there is. Congrats!
YAY! That is awesome - I'm proud and happy for you! Too bad all coming outs can't be that smooth and go that well! Congrats!
