I didn't choose this

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pvfexvihri8[/YOUTUBE]

 

Where are you such that everybody would abandon you if you came out? If I were to ask your friends "What do you like about fanfreek?", how many people would honestly answer "He's straight"? None. Zero. They don't like you because they think you're straight. They like you because you're YOU. And you're you whether you dig girls, guys, or both.

>>>Also, I don't want to be gay because I don't like feminine men and I don't want people always jumping to conclusions......

You've got about three different thoughts here coming from three directions. First off, do you KNOW any feminine men? I mean not just "there's that guy in math class and he's all girly", but actually gotten to KNOW them? Because I'm betting dollars to donuts that you don't dislike them - you dislike what you see in them. You fear becoming more "like that" if you come out. They not only remind you of that, but they remind you that some gay guys actually HAVE come out, and they're out there enjoying their lives while you're stuck miserable in the closet.

Secondly, even if it ends up that you don't like feminine guys, so what? There are plenty of masculine gay guys out there. You may not notice them right off, because you're trained to spot the femmy guys, and identify those ones as "gay", and assume everybody else is straight. Nope.

I won't say I'm butch-central here, but most people don't peg me as gay right off. They usually learn pretty quick, though. Not because I start acting femmy, but because I'm out. Because I refer to my partner as my partner, not my "roommate". Because I'll mention something else that lets them know. And you know what? Nobody cares. Nobody recoils in horror, or gives me a dirty look, or starts quoting scripture to me.

And there are some people out there who may learn that I'm gay before they know anything else, and so might assume I wear rainbow short-shorts and talk with a high-pitched lisp. So what? These same people would probably think that, since I'm of German descent, I wear leiderhosen and eat brautwurst for breakfast lunch and dinner. If they're that deluded, they're more than welcome to think whatever they want. It won't change what or who I am.

Being gay is NOT a curse. Homophobia can be, but being gay certainly isn't. All the happy gay guys and gals here, young and old - we're not whistling in the dark. We actually ARE happy. And I think you can be too.

Lex

 

As usual Lex is right, being gay isn't the end of the world and your friends won't leave you I promise and if they do, they were never real friends.

BE YOURSELF AND BE PROUD!

 

I know how you feel fanfreak. There were times I felt like I was cursed and couldn’t really open up to anyone about being gay. I’ve been trying to tell my friends for months, but I keep losing my nerve. I realized the reason I can’t tell anyone yet is that I’m not comfortable with myself yet. It is all part of growing up. You said you’re in college right? Which means you’re probably in your early 20’s, right? You have to take the time to grow into yourself. I hated being gay at first, but I’m realizing that being gay doesn’t mean you’re any different then you’ve always been.
There were times I wish someone could show me all the gay people in the world, just so I wouldn’t feel so alone all the time. It is tough having to constantly hide things from your friends and family, and it does make you feel isolated and alone. I did it to the point I actually made myself sick. But, once you’ve come to accept yourself you’ll find that all starts to fade. Yeah, some people might react badly, and it is something you’ll need to be ready for, but in the long run you’re going to feel better about yourself.
No one asks to be born, and no one asks to be born different, but isn't that what makes the world turn? Life is a great balancing act. Hope my longwindedness helps.
And you're not bothering anyone thats what this place is here for.

:icon_wink

 

No, it doesn't make you self-involved. In fact it reinforces the fact that you are living your life for other people instead of yourself. You're more concerned about offending friends and family with the news that you're gay than you are about your own happiness and satisfaction with life.

I think you're going through a very natural phase. Many of us wondered "Why me?!?". It's fed by the fear and uncertainty that comes with being gay. Our future isn't as neatly planned out for us as it is for the typical straight person. But that doesn't mean it's not going to be great. It's just going to be different.

Being in Croatia isn't as easy for you as being here in North America or western Europe. So you do have that additional challenge. But it isn't insurmountable.

For me, it was important to accept the things I could not change. I certainly can't change the fact that I'm gay, so I needed to accept it. And once I was able to do that, I was better able to look at things that I could change to improve my life.

Take care, and don't hesitate to send me a PM if you want to talk more. (*hug*)

 

Well, there's no rush to tell all of them at once. But there's bound to be one friend that you think would be cool with it?
Also, even people that are sceptic about homosexuals often change when someone they know for some time turns out to have been gay all along.

Well, there's no obligation to involve yourself with feminine men if you don't want to. There's bound to be plenty of choice.

Try not to feel miserable about other people being happy! You should see it as proof that it is possible to be out and happy, and as an example to follow. (I'm not one to talk, though. For the longest time I hated openly gay people for being what I never could be. Or at least what I never thought I could be).

Would you really act different once people knew? You don't magically become feminine once you tell people. The one thing I discovered after coming out is that my being gay doesn't even come up all that much. It just seemed like lying all the time because I focused on it. But in the end it's just a small part of me.

Why would it be bad that this is all about you? You deserve some time especially for yourself. There's no reason why you could only talk about other people. Especially not if you're tearing up inside.

 

Wrong.

I know that's how you feel. I've felt the same way in the past. I don't doubt for a moment that you actually feel that to be the truth.

But it isn't the truth.

You can choose, right now, to smile. Even though you don't feel like smiling, there is nothing in the world that can keep you from smiling right now. You could go for a walk right now, and enjoy the sunshine and the spring air. That 'demon' can only control your life and everything in it if you don't let him. Instead, you can acknowledge that you don't feel like going for a walk, but deep down you know you'd feel (a tiny bit) better if you went for a walk, and go anyway.

Whether or not you come out to people that you're gay, you can certainly ask for help. Dealing with this kind of personal issue is never easy. Perhaps you can talk to your doctor or someone at school about how down and low you're feeling. Ask someone for help. There's nothing stopping you from doing that either.

 

"I just want to cry and I feel like I could trash a million rooms if I had the chance..... ugh."

Well Cry, trash something, play your music load - let that anger/ tension out and have a pressure release - no one can bottle everything up and we all need to get rid of our stresses sometimes. When ever I get overwhelmed I end up at the beach or near water just looking out to the openness of it all - and it centres me again - you must have somewhere you fell comfortable where you can just escape from everything for a while.

Nothing is out of reach if you just try

 

You've come to Empty Closets: we're a resource! We're here for you! We won't all leave either or anything.(*hug*)

 

I felt like this when I first came out, heck, there are days I still feel like that. I also had a run in with suicidal thoughts that I sought help at my college in their counseling department. I was on anti-depressants for awhile. After three years, I've been off of them for two years now. I've found other ways to cope. Theatre keeps me busy, that's my creative outlet and I enrolled in a gym. Plus, when I moved to a new city after college, I didn't have any friends (meaning most of mine left to elsewhere after college) I had to start over. The easy thing about starting over is being open right away or finding people who are more intuitive about you than you realized. So when most people meet me, its there, at that time they can choose whether they can hang out with me or not. One of my best friends, very open minded, never had any gay friends. She met me, I introduced her to the night life a little bit, and opened her eyes to things. My parents still don't know, but when its the right time, I'll tell them. There hasn't been a need, I haven't had anyone to bring home! I know this is a bit cliche, but there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. It just takes some time, but we all get there.

 

OMG this is like the story of my life. When I first realized that I had an attraction to guys, I hated myself. I did not want to be bisexual. It was the last thing in the world I wanted to be. I felt like killing myself too. I actually tried several times. I hated hiding it from my friends too, because they wouldn't know who I REALLY was. The only ones of my family that would still see me would be my sisters and my brother. My parents absolutely hate gays. My step-dad even told me that if I did like boys, he was going to send me to a therapist to get me "fixed" was his words. I always asked God why he made me this way. I later realized that God must have his reasons for making me like this, and was telling me to accept it, so I did. I told all my friends, and they all had no problem with it. My mom thinks it's a phase, and I haven't told my step-dad. It was a big weight lifted off my chest when I came out. I would hope that you would have the same luck if you came out as well. Well, good luck in your future endeavors. (*hug*)

-Mason

 

I went from standing on the top of my roof crying and trying to force myself to jump because i thought God hated me so much and that the world would be better off with one less gay, to an out and proud gay man who does not take any shit from anyone and stands tall knowing God has a purpose for me and that i am valuable to the world.

Its not an easy transition, but just PLEASE - Hold on. Dont let go of your life over this. It seems like there is NO light at the end of the tunnel, but any day now you can take a turn and all of a sudden there is the light, bright and shinning through. I know NOTHING anyone can say is going to make you feel better right now, trust me ive been there, but just please HOLD ON. I dont care WHAT the fuck you respond to me with, im telling you life will pick up and im damn right! Cause guess what, you can be the negative asshole all you want, but just because your in a rough spot does not mean you cant grow and get out of it. Dont give me lip about how your life is so horrible and your doomed and it will never get better, because thats bullshit. I know it sucks now I feel you, i truly do. But there is always hope. You have to hold on to that hope, because without it life is not worth living. I know your going to get through this, as long as you dont end it by suicide. I also know you dont believe that because the darkness is clouding your judgment, so ill just end it here.

I think God appreciates you even more. Because he created you in his image. At least that's what I was always taught. And since God is love and God doesn't make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be. And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear... and every faggot. We're all his. He loves us all.

Do you ever read the Sunday comics? Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.

So my dad says to me, son you did your best. Besides, you cant make a fish fly. And dads right you cant make a fish fly. But you could chuck a fish across the room, and for a few fleeting moments it really believes its flying. Until it smashes its head into the wall.

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.