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guy from home

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by gaius, May 13, 2009.

  1. gaius

    gaius Guest

    right, quick bit of background, im at uni about 2 hrs drive away from where i live and ive discovered that a guy who came out to me really likes me, we've flirted lots on the internet and we used to work together (for 2 years), the problem i have is that i think he really likes me, whereas im just having a bit of fun, is it wrong to continue without knowing how he feels? because if he wants a relationship i dont think i could deall witht the distance, since i have no car so meeting him would be for only when im at home in the holidays, also since we're both not out to parents it would be difficult to keep up any kind of regular relationship. I'm also out to all my friends and some of his but he isnt out to many at alll which would make it difficult. i know this is asking lots of questions and advice at once but if anyone could help i will give them a big hug!
     
  2. Just Adam

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    its cruel to lead someone on if you cant return the feelings they have. is there any chance your feelings could develop? and what about train? cant you get like a student discount? as for coming out your an adult your familly cant run your life if you find someone you can be happy with go for it :wink:. as for friends they should accept you if they dont then they aint true friends :slight_smile:

    but most of all you need to be honest with yourself of what you feel and him for what he expects.

    take care x
     
  3. Jim1454

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    (How do you people get into university without using capital letters or punctuation?!?)

    *ends rant*

    I'm confused. You discovered that this guy likes you. How did you discover that? Because later you wonder if it's wrong to continue without knowing how he feels. How he feels about what?

    The reasons you give for not going out with him wouldn't be insurmountable, so why not just be honest with yourself and admit that you're not really that 'into him' and you'd rather not go out with him? If you REALLY liked him, those reasons wouldn't stop you from pursuing a relationship with him. (Are there other reasons perhaps?)

    So - you're best bet would likely be to just clarify some time when you're 'joking around' that you really are just 'joking around' and that you don't really mean it. Let him know that you like him as a friend, and then ask if he's cool with that.

    Put yourself in his shoes... He came out to you but hasn't come out to many people. He's able to joke around and flirt with you and really be himself with you - and very few other people. A lot of people here (including me) had a serious crush on the first gay guy we were able to get close to. That could be where he is too. So you don't want to crush him, but at the same time you don't want to lead him on either. Be honest with respect to how you feel in a gentle way, and continue to give him the support he needs, if he's still looking for that.

    Good luck.
     
  4. gaius

    gaius Guest

    My apologies! University brings out the laziness in all of us. We flirt lots, just to clarify, he's told me he likes me and i've been mostly non commital, it's him that isn't out to many friends, all my friends know and are fine with it, I'm still trying to be the friend thats there for him without leading him on, as for the train, even with a railcard I'm looking at about 30-40 pounds return, i just couldn't pay that amount of money more than say once a term. Sorry this whole thing is a bit garbled im writing as i think.
     
  5. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! Let him know that you want to be and are there for him and that you guys can spent time together when you are back home. But also let him know that you don't have the same feelings for him. As the others have mentioned, being honest in these kinds of situations is always good.

    The next time you go home, meet up with him and depending on what he tells you, and if you see that he has still has the same feelings for you, and try to have an honest conversation with him. Also, I would suggest to end the flirting over the internet, because it might lead him to think that there is something when there isn't.