So at this point, I am in the process of coming out to my family...sort of. So far, the only person who knows is my mom. Right now, I'm trying to build up the courage to tell my dad. My mom has known for about a month now, and she keeps telling me how hard it is for her to keep such a big secret from my dad, and keeps pressuring me to tell him. Sometimes she will wait until me and my dad are alone and mouth the words "tell him" to me from another room, or sometimes (jokingly...I think) yell/ask my dad what he is doing, and when he responds with some trivial task she will turn to me and grin. It's really starting to stress me out a bit. I know she is right about needing to tell him, and I think she is trying to help, but should I crumble under the pressure and just get it over with or should I wait until I'm ready (or maybe drunk enough. jk.) to tell him?
Well, from past experience and stories ive heard, she is going to tell him if you dont. Its a hard thing for her to keep from him, i can tell. But you have one amazing mom there, cause mine told my mother the day of me telling her, after i told her not to. Maybe its just cause my mom is horrible at listening to me or understanding emotion, but i think she will end up telling him if enough time passes. One of the things i found about coming out is there WAS no "perfect time". Every time i came out, i didnt want to, atleast not 100%. There was always this urge to back down because i didnt want things to change. If your strong enough for the urge to come out to your father to outweigh the urge to back down, id say you ARE ready Better do it before you mom! Its better for him to hear it from you than her. She has been amazing not to tell him yet, so you owe it to her to tell him. Its eating her up im sure.
Just get it over with... One of these days, your mom is going to say to your dad "Coldflame has something important to tell you." and THEN just look at you and smile. She's being pretty gentle with you so far. When people are married, they don't keep secrets from one another. This is not something that likely sits well with your mother. So you're leaving her in an awkward position by not telling him.
Hi there! Coming out is never easy despite of having already coming out to your mum. No worries there....It sounds like that she took it well and that she is supportive. If she knew that your dad would not be supportive or accepting, I'm sure she would not 'pressure' you to tell him as well. What you could do to alleviate some of your own fears a bit, is ask your mum, 'would dad be supportive?' Although knowing perhaps already what the answer is, having that reassurance might help you to take that step.
I do think it is unfair to only tell your mom and have her keep it a secret. I'm sure she would like to talk about it and she may even feel like she is lying or keeping something from your dad. We all know that can be a very stressful situation to be in.
