So like I said before, I've been dating this girl for over 4 years now and met this incredible guy I really like, maybe even love, and every once and awhile doubt myself about certain things. Some days I question whether I am bisexual, currently I believe I am, or gay, because some days I wonder if I really wanna be with this girl, I just get annoyed by things she does, or says, and just don't even wanna be around her. Could we just be spending too much time together, or maybe I'm just male pms-ing and my emotions are on high and want to blow everything little thing out of proportion, or maybe I am actually gay and not bisexual? But some days I love this girl, but still adore this guy, it's like this constant struggle. She doesn't know I'm bisexual yet because I'm just not ready to tell her and dont know how she'll react. I mean maybe I'm still with her because I'm afraid to be who I really am, or could be? I really dont know, just kinda rambling now, confused about everything! My analysis - male pms! haha Days like this come every once and awhile and I just need to ramble, and I know its all about what I feel, self-discovery, but I still want everyones input. I'll add more if necessary...just wanted to ramble - thanks!
Have you been out with other girls for a while and found the same irritations, or is this a first? You can't really judge how you feel about girls generally from your experiences with one. It may well be the cooling off thing that was mentioned in another thread. When you first fall for someone it's all magical on cloud nine, but that subsides over a few weeks/months to a level that allows you to live life normally, and that's when the other person's little irritating ways become apparent. And that's why many relationships struggle or fail at that stage. It's exactly the same whether the partner is same or opposite gender. So you really shouldn't decide your sexuality on the basis of one relationship. Indeed, do you really need to decide and apply a label to yourself now - or at any time? I dunno if that helps at all, but it's my thoughts anyway! Paul.
If your girlfriend is going to have a negative reaction, it would probably be more to do with you having fallen for another person rather than specifically your non-het sexuality, although the double-whammy might lead her to freak out about one when she's really freaking out about the other. Having a secret relationship with one person when you're dating another is a good recipe for emotional and relationship disaster, if you ask me. As for your sexuality, my personal experience (i.e. I'm not saying this is universally true) is that lots of gay guys do actually go through a period where saying they're bi is a precursor stage to acknowledging that they're gay. That being said, I'm very much NOT one of those people who believes bisexuality is a myth and is inherently just a "bi now, gay later" phase. What I do think is that guys are socialised to be more desiring of a black or white explanation, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if many guys who are "gay" are actually a lot more bi than they admit to themselves and others. As Paul_UK said, though, I don't think you can judge your own sexuality on the basis of this one particular situation you're in. It is very true that when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships, the newer they are, the more intoxicating they are, which means that more longer-standing relationships often seem pale reflections (notice I said "seem," not "are"). How I came to grips with my own sexuality is that I took a good look at my sexual fantasies and my crushes... i.e. who made me all fluttery and nervous and whose company I just couldn't get enough of. In both cases, it was guys pretty much exclusively. Once I allowed myself those kinds of reactions to guys, any similar feelings I had for women, which I figure were just because I thought I should be having them (denial is a pretty powerful force) generally subsided. There are still women who I think are a) hot and b) cool as people but they just don't evoke any kind of sustained reaction. When I obsess, I obsess over guys. *grin* So... you probably need to make a similar type of inquiry and that may take time--it might not be immediately apparent. But try to focus on what your feelings/longing ARE, not what you think other people think they SHOULD be.
Even though I'm not a big fan of organized religion, I think there should be some type of "Joey worship" because he is by far one of the wisest people out there... he hit the nail on the head and described my feelings EXACTLY. (*hug*) -CK EDIT: And when I say "wisest people out there" I'm not saying that the rest of you aren't! I love all you guys but Joey's post, for my situation at least, was just accurate! :lol:
I have to agree, that did really help me and put things into perspective!! Thanks a bunch - to everyone! And I really do think it was just that day, I'm not nearly as emotional today - male pms I tell ya! HAHA
I hear ya, Jordano. My college dorm paper plate award was "Most Like to Have Severe Mood Swings." How embarrassing.
Wow... that's like either one of the nicest things someone's said to me or the most stalker-ish. *grin* Seriously, I'm really glad what I'm writing has meaning/seems useful. My whole philosophy is if I've struggled with something, I'd better share that info with people because otherwise, what was the point of my trials and tribulations?
All you guys, thanks for saying such sweet things. It's nice... I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I didn't even have to eat any kittens.
