So I have thie great aunt. She was my grandmother's sister. And she's more evil than Fred Phelps. Let me explain. When I was little, she was my "favourite aunt" I went to her cottage every summer with my grandparents for a week, I'd go shopping in the nearby tourist village, and spend every waking moment with this woman. She was like a third grandmother to me. I always looked forward to her visits, and clung to her. As i grew up, not much changed. I was still very close to her, and then something happened. At this point, all the old folks of the family, i.e my grandmother and my 2 great uncles and this great aunt, as well as my grandfather had learned to use email. By accident, my great aunt sent an email to the entire family [including my mom, her sisters, brother, extended family, and so on.] The email was NOT nice. I've never personally seen it, but it apparantly said some very, very nasty things about my grandmother. Not long after that, my aunt sent out another email to the family, telling them to ignore that email. Of course they didn't. An all-out war, my family versus my aunt begun, and slowly but surely everyone cut her off, her own children included. And I was stuck in the middle. At that time i was around 13/14, and i just didnt understand. No one would tell me anything, and i couldnt understand why my aunt had cut off contact with me. A year of squabbling, and the truth started to come out. My aunt would send me empty promises, "you can come to the cottage next year" by this time, she had cut off all forms of contact with my mom, and she would only contact me through email, to avoid having my mom answer the phone if she called. I saw her outside of a funeral once between the ages of 14 and now. She invited me and my brothers out to lunch, and wouldnt even see us off afterwards because she didnt wanna see my mom. A few years after that, after yet again no contact, I get a letter in the mail and 60$. The letter was basically saying we should cut off our contact, because its "hurting" my grandmother and my mother, when my mom was doing everything in her power to not ruin the special relationship me and my aunt had. And yes, it was very special and important to me. the only time before that I had seen her was at my uncle's funeral, he died of a severe stroke. I saw my aunt at the funeral and spoke to her for a few minutes, but i felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable, as if i was befriending someone i knew i shouldnt, if that makes sense. I told my mom this after, and she just hugged me. She didnt really say anything. When I got the letter, I literally died inside. It was the same effect as if it was a letter saying she had died. I couldnt even tell my mom what had happened, i just gave her the letter and cried for i dont know how long. I didnt even know about the money at that time, my mom found it tucked in the envelope later. My mom mailed everything back to my aunt, telling her to stay away from her children, my brothers and I. She got a nasty letter reply, saying that she hadnt read the letter, and tore it up. A few months passed, and at the end of march of last year my grandmother passed away. she had the gall to show up, but everyone refused to acknowledge her, speak to her, etc. I think the worst blow was a good 200 people at the funeral, and it proved to my aunt that my grandmother will always be valued above her, at least by my family. Now i explained this to a friend of mine, well an abridged version and she said my family is cruel and should apologise. My answer to this day is hell no, but what do you guys think? Is my anger and hatred towards this woman justified? ...that was long, thanks to anyone who reads it!
well i thought i was an expert of f*****d up families, but this seems a bit complex and like u might not totally know everything, especially if u haven't seen this e-mail that she wrote, and do u know why she sent it, or why she said those things about your grandmother??but i would say that family is family, mine is quite complex, lots of people that i haven't seen in years, cousins i haven't met, and i hate it. as far as i am concerned life is too short to keep grudges, and not see people, things should get resolved, so that is where i stand, but life is never that simple!
I totally understand My Family was torn in half when my Grandmother decided to cut off ALL contact from her own daughter, my aunt. We had to choose between my grandmother or my aunt because they would not EVER be in the same place at the same time (ever). Well i loved my aunt dearly and we were very close, but after i was about 14 i only saw her twice up till i was 17. Then she died of heart failure It was a horrible time for me, so very sad. I wont go into much detail about the whole thing, but it was very much a "split the family in half" matter. Now that she is dead i do see the half of my family i was cut off from more, but things will never be the same.
Absolutely not. This whole thing started with your Aunt and you dont know why or how this resentment for your grandmother started from my understandings. Your family needs to come together and discuss this like civil people. This hatred is uncalled for and immature in my opinion. Hate tears everyone apart. Its the last thing that anyone needs. Try and understand both sides of the story.
I think that based on what you actually know, and not what you've just heard, that it may be a little over the top. If you want to truly know whether you're justified in hating her or not I would say you at least need to know what it was that she wrote. And, not only what she wrote, but why she wrote it. What it sounds like now is that you're hating her solely because everyone else in your family does. Maybe they all have good reasons and they're completely justified, but you seem out of the loop and I think getting more information about what happened wou;d be helpful.
Not exactly. My hate came from her trying to avoid my grandmother and mother by refusing to see me face to face ever again.
I'm going to be honest. I lost my mom to cancer 4 years ago. I harbored a lot of bad feeling against her. Many of them I was completely justified in having. My only regret in life is that I did not put those difference aside try to have a good relationship with her. My point is this. You obviously care about your aunt. Someone said something dumb nearly 10 years ago and it has been handled poorly since then. Your aunt doesn't have much time left on this planet. Set aside what ever differences there are and rebuild the relationship. Even if the rest of your family hates her guts this is your life and your relationship you are missing.
this is how i see it. your aunt is being immature. you are not your mom or your grandmother. so why cut ties with you? if it was me i would be pissed too. you have every right to feel angry.
It sounds like whatever was written in that E-mail was written in the heat of the moment. Life is far too short to hold resentment and hate in our hearts, remember that wonderful relationship you had with your aunt, why would you throw that away over one E-mail. It also sounds like she is all alone, try to reach out to her, make her remember the wonderful times you had together.
You said: I think it was wrong that she cut you out....but going from what you said above, I can see why she might really want to avoid them. What a lonely life, with a reminder every time you see those people. I'm not saying what she did was right by you...but I can see why she possibly might do it.
Every family has dysfunction, and every family has unpleasant things. Without knowing the family, or the dynamics of the family, my impression is that your great aunt showed up at the funeral because, as much as she may have had issues with your grandmother, she wanted to pay her respects. She may have also been hoping that perhaps it would be an opportunity to begin to heal things, I don't know. The issue with these family disputes is that both "sides" get angry and hardheaded, nobody wants to really talk about the issue and discuss it, and so it's very hard to heal, simply because either nobody wants to make the first move, or when someone does, the other side can't see past their anger. As Redsapphire said, it sounds like she is all alone, and probably very bitter and unhappy about what happened. And, while she should never have sent the evil email, she did at least *try* to resolve the situation by asking people to ignore it. How many of us have at one time or another said or written something we didn't mean? I would suggest, if you feel you have the capacity to find the compassion in your heart to do so, opening communication with her. She is, after all, someone who was and is special to you. Her responses to you have been a result of anger and years of bitterness at the family, not toward you; you have the opportunity to at least try to help her enjoy the last years of her life. If you can do that, perhaps you can encourage your family, one member at a time, to do the same. If she flatly refuses and rejects your overture, at least you've given it your best effort. But sometimes it is the children in a family who can model the healthy behavior for parents or grandparents, and in so doing, provide them with a gift and life lesson that might be one of the most meaningful things they receive in their lifetime.
