I recently started dating a girl who I thought was completely amazing. She came across as funny and very confident every time we got together. Once we decided to start dating, all the bad stuff started to come out. She was sexually abused as a child and had a lot of issues concerning men. I completely understood why she acted the way she did, but wasn't sure why she wouldn't accept help to deal with the issues. She sees anyone that has to take medication for a mental issue (such as myself) as a lesser person and feels sorry for them. I personally think she's bipolar and has a whole list of issues she has bottled up and doesn't want to deal with because she might find out there is something "wrong" with her. She told me she doesn't watch scary movies by herself anymore because the last time she did, she went to her father's gun closet and took out a shotgun. She started going to windows and pointing it at her neighbors. She then got out a handgun and sat with it beside her on the couch and just stared off into space. Another issue I have is that she likes to hunt. Well, the fact that she likes to hunt isn't the issue...it's more that she wants to tell me all the stores of how exhilarating it is to take a life. I find that a little scary and asked her not to talk about it anymore. She was upset that I asked her to do that. At the same time, I had made a comment to her the other day and she asked that I not bring it up again. I thought she would understand me telling her I didn't want to hear those things just like she didn't want to hear what I had said the other day. In the beginning, I told her that I would be there for her with all her issues. I found more than I was capable of taking on and told her that. In my telling her this, I broke up with her. I'm very sensitive to a negative personality and cannot surround myself with that because of my depression. I've been down that road and am not willing to let myself get there again for anybody. Does it make me a bad person for saying that I was there for her then, in essence, taking it back. It wasn't my intention at all to do that, I just didn't know how else to handle it. I had to get myself out. I need some feedback on this because I'm not sure how to feel. I mean, I feel bad about the situation, I guess I just want reassurance that I did the right thing (though I'm open to criticism as well).
No, you're not a bad person. (*hug*) The issues she had were just more than you could deal with and more than you should have to deal with. If she refuses to get professional help, you can't force her, and it sounds like this relationship was unhealthy for you.
i think you were right to get out. yes she may be hurt but she needs help. the gun thing really scares me. if she would point it at a neighbor then what would stop her from turning a gun on you? i dont think she truly respected you either. she didnt respect that you didnt like hearing about hunting and taking a life. i myself would have left then being such a supporter for animal rights. you shouldnt have to be around someone who is so negative if it is going to affect your depression.
No you definitely did the right thing. Especially with depression it is the right thing to do not to surround yourself with negative personalities. Before I realized I was bipolar people would be like I really cannot be around you anymore because dealing with you is emotionally draining. And I would never get why. I never thought there was a problem. She's probably thinking the same thing, but until you're on the outside looking in, like you were with her, she isn't going to see a problem. I think it was awesome that you tried to help her deal with her issues but you can't let her problems become your problems. You did the right thing by getting away until she has the courage to get help with what she's dealing with.
Wow...no offence but she sounds completely off her topper! You did a good thing getting out of that....someone like that needs support from more professional services. Sometimes things get too much and you told her you'd support her before you realised how in depth her problems are. Plus people like that need to give something back to their supporters. What I mean is...if you were going to support her, she would have to agree to try and get better and seek medical advice. If it is her intention to just continue living her life the way she does then you shouldnt be expected to live like that too. Dont stress out mate, you've done the right thing.
You're not a bad person. You did the right thing. If she knows she has problems and won't talk to a professional about them then you've done what you can. She doesn't WANT help with her issues. And YOU don't want a girlfriend who's more than a little scary. Move on. You're worth it.
^ QFT. You're not required to put up with other people's piccadillos, or to save them from themselves. If she doesn't want help with her issues, and wants somebody she can talk to about how much fun it is to kill things, then perhaps she need somebody in her life who likes to talk about such things, and doesn't mind that she refuses to move on from her problems. But it sounds like that isn't you. That's fine, if so. Let her go so she can find that person. Lex
I think leaving her WAS the right thing to do to help her. You were more or less acting making it ok for her not to seek medical help when she so badly and obviously needs it. I totally understand why, and id probably do the same thing myself, but right now she does not need someone to "be there for her" while she has what could very well be bi-polar mood swings, she need a doctor. Im actually sort of in the same situation as her, as for the whole not wanting to go to the doctor to get diagnosed because ill feel "lesser". Now my problems are never inolving guns or anything, so i think i can push through, but its taken a toll on my life not going to the doctor to get help. Right now she needs to get help. Plain and simple. With you out of the picture, she might finally go try and do just that. If you really want to help her, keep pushing her towards the doctors. Tell her thats part of the reason you broke up, tell her you cant stand to see her like this, ect. ect. That should really drill it in and may tip the boat in the matter. But yea, dont blame yourself honey (*hug*)
