I have...sort of an inferiority complex. I have trouble feeling like I'm dominant over people; I always feel like the more submissive one. And it's starting to annoy me. I can't seem to figure out how to become less shy and timid and learn how to be more outgoing, bold, assertive. I'm horrible at any sort of confrontation, and I have a huge amount of trouble saying no to anybody, even over little things. Does anyone have any advice?
Well i kind of have the same problem and what i do is i walk with my head held up not down...it actually helps my confidence. this may help you to say no to people and when you say no be definite don't say something like "well, maybe later" or "I'll do it tomorrow". Be bold and strong even if you feel like the weakest person. Act this way and eventually you'll be more bold. I don't know how helpful this will be to you but it worked for me.
In highschool i was a very shy and a push over. This went on all of highschool really. Near the end of grade 12 and this year (my first year after highschool) ive just really started to show the "real" Greg. I guess i was so shy because i was scared of showing people the real me? If thats your case, all you need to do is open up. I started with facebook, i changed my facebook to accurately show the real me. My statuses no longer were things i thought other people wanted to see, but what i was really thinking or doing. I basically burst out of my shell and became more assertive. I hosted parties myself, i actively called people to hang out, i would start convos rather than join in. Things like that. If you want to be less shy, the best way is to force yourself into situations by taking the first step. Waiting tends to be a trademark move of people who are shy, so leave that behind when you go out and YOU be the one to start something
I used to be the shyest person ever, but now I'm a teacher and that's really helped boost my confidence. As rainemc said keeping your head held high and "acting confident" helps a lot. All it really takes is practice. What really helped for me was getting a part time job where I interacted a lot with people, it gave me a lot of practice in using my voice, being a bit more dominant with people. I'm still quiet among my peers but not at work when it's my job to be loud and commanding, I think if its possible you should try to find such an opportunity to help boost your confidence.
Hi there! Maybe what would help, and as Greggers mentioned, take some initiative. Maybe call up friends more often and ask if they want to do something, say going to a movie, for a coffee, hang out...it will take a bit of 'practice' and time before you will get comfortable doing that but the more you do that, your shyness should disappear somewhat. Other things you could do, if your friends talk about stuff, join in more often and try to change up the conversation by introducing related stuff or switching topics all together. When it comes to saying 'no', this is another thing that needs practice. Often we don't say 'no' because we don't want to leave our friends or we think it might be rude if we say 'no'. But most of the time, when you do say 'no' and tell them why you said 'no', your friends should be able to understand your reasoning behind it. As you try saying no and your reasoning behind it, you will learn to become more assertive. Plus, the chances of others being able to take advantage of you, will also be reduced. The next time you are faced with a situations where you feel that a 'no' is warranted, maybe try saying, "sorry, I won't be able to do that/join in because...." Give it a try and see what happens....
Yep, it's one of those learn-by-doing things. What really did it for me was being in marching band in high school. Somehow, when you're with a bunch of people you're used to seeing sweaty, tired, and in various states of undress, it's easier to not worry about what people think of you. I learned a lot in band, actually. Things like "If you're gonna hit a wrong note, hit it loud and hit it with confidence! Then, people might not know if it was actually wrong." Basically, act like you know what you're doing. People generally don't question it! Something that kind of helps me? Dancing around like an idiot to loud music, even if I'm not alone, and trying to get myself to feel like I'm not doing something embarrassing. I figure if I can do that and not feel ridiculous, I can do anything!
Well, you don't want to feel dominant over them (I'm guessing) - you want to feel like you're on the same level. Just remember - 99% of us are faking it. The most confident guy feels worried about what people are thinking. So how do we get anything done? We just try something out, and if it works, we try it a bit quicker next time, and soon it's second nature. As others have said, learn by doing. Start small. For instance, promise yourself to ask at least three people a question each day. So when you go to Starbuck's, you might ask "I'd like something a bit different - what would you recommend?" Or ask somebody at the drugstore where the bandages are (even if you already know). Once you can do that without too much effort, push it along a bit. Follow up their answers with something. Lex
Confidence. It's all about confidence. The more confidence you have, the easier it will be for you to take charge if you need to. But on some levels, there are people that are submissive by nature. Find a partner that has a dominant side and can treat you right...
You always give such great advice. (*hug*) I like that idea of giving myself a goal, like asking questions to three people each day and just taking things step by step. I'll try that! Thanks for the tips, everyone. Really, I appreciate it.
Kaybee2 I can totally relate. I was that quite kid in class, but I changed. It isn’t easy since High School one big act try and be what everyone else seems to want you to be. You just need to put yourself out there and know some people will accept you and some will reject you.
