There's this guy I know... Let's call him Tim. I learned through a third party (let's call her Mary... And this wasn't gossipy type outing, she knew I could be trusted because I was out to her by the time as well) that he was gay so I came out to him which was followed by him coming out to me and everything was peachy. He seemed to be sure of his sexuality and we talked about it for a while. He watched For the Bible Tells Me So and he convinced half of our group of friends to read a book called The God Box which also provides strong arguments against the "homosexuality-is-a-sin" case. The problem is, his parents are strong Christians. Like, bible-thumpers. They somehow found out and took him to a youth pastor and SOMEHOW convinced him that he isn't gay. :bang: They even confronted Mary at church one night and told her she wasn't allowed to speak to him about it anymore. It really pains me to see someone I know having to go through this bs, but I dunno how I could possibly talk to him about it without his parents interfering or something. Plus, I have a feeling he'd blow off whatever I say to him because he's a strong Christian too and he knows I'm atheist... And what's more, I'm not sure if I'm even "supposed" to know about any of this. We haven't spoken much since I came out to him and I heard this all through Mary (Again, not gossipy, just concern towards one of our friends). She said he was considering suicide BEFORE his parents found out and now that his fears have been confirmed I have no idea what he must be going through... I'm just not sure how to talk to him about it since he wouldn't even listen to what Mary had to say and she used to be his best friend.
Dont let them do the same to you! Your friend was NOT converted, cause that cant happen. Whats happend is they convinced him he can live a straight life by supressing his gay side. This will cause him a great deal of harm and self-loathing when he find out you CANNOT supress being gay. Its not a flu bug or a mental illness. It does not go away and he is gay for life. All you can do is be there for your friend now, and dont let the same thing happen to yourself If at all possible, maybe give him the link to this site and tell him to sneak on here if he can, taking a great deal of effort to erase the trail. (Google chrome "incognito" option lets you create no viewing history?)
What a destructive path he's on now... If only there was a way to pave a path back into what he was. Although who knows, perhaps he himself had come into realization that he wasn't that gay afterall... BUT he might have been converted as you tell so... I don't know- My question is how do you know that this all happened to him? Now fencing my curiosity away, let's speak: I don't think there is much you can do, unless you have some way to convince him that he is gay, if you know him, that is. Prove to him that he is still 'there'. Maybe something as drastic as a kiss - hwuahah (I think i'm watching too many movies) As Greggers said- It might just cause the entire self-loathing and harm thing... So careful! I wish you luck with your situation, and hopefully you can fix it all up,
Oh, trust me there's nothing anyone could say to make me think I was straight. :lol: And I know it's impossible to convert someone, but he seems to think he has been. That's really the thing that's bothering me... I don't want to see him try and suppress it and wind up 30 years from now with a wife and kids and saying "...Well, ****."
I learned this all through Mary who I'm 100% sure would never lie about this. And I don't think the "suddenly realizing he was never gay at all" thing is possible. He's told me about a crush he had on a guy in his stat class, he was prepared to help start a GSA... I dunno what his parents did to him, but it must have been something drastic.:dry:
Oh, religion... The single greatest evil visited upon humanity. Everyone else has said it. You can't convert. Trust me, I tried for 10 years, and in the end, I was loading up a shotgun because I couldn't do it anymore. Let's hope that this kid figures it out and that his parents figure it out before his brains are splattered all over the bathroom wall.
This literally breaks my heart. I couldn't imagine going through anything like this but unfortunately i don't see much you can do. You just have to get through to him somehow. Maybe point out the other laws in the bible like the shell fish law that aren't abided by today. This might (I doubt it) help to get him that he can't change. His parents might never change but if he's okay with himself thats a lot bet than him hating himself. We don't want that!
I would, but the thing that worries me most is that he used to go by those things... He did research and found those other "abominations," he found the proof that Sodom and Gomorrah wasn't necessarily a homosexuality issue... He really seemed comfortable with his sexuality other than the fear his parents would find out and now all of a sudden they've convinced him he can change. I dunno... I'll try to talk some sense into him soon (School ends next Wednesday :/). Hopefully he'll listen.
PM me and let's talk. I've been through some similar stuff and can probably help a little. And I'm still a christian, so if he needed someone to talk to I could be good for that too....
I'd say just make sure you're 'there for him'. You'd be better to let him remain in denial with you as a friend than for you to force the issue (which I don't think you'll do) and push him into isolation. Because it's when we feel alone and that we have no one to turn to that we start to contemplate suicide as a solution. Otherwise, he'll have to ride this one out himself. I'm not sure what else you can do other than support him through to the point where he can start to make life decisions for himself without his parents interfering.
theres no such thing as a gay person being converted. only brainwashed into thinking that theyre straight. if its repairative therapy that hes goin through, i wish him the best of luck. what i mean is, if he was considering suicide b4 his parents knew, this could be just the push he needs to actually go through with it. i hope he stays strong and doesnt let that happen.
I agree ith Jim here. Perhaps it's best to just remain friends than to try to convert him back. He's probably had enough preaching recently. Perhaps you should just try only talking about it if he brings it up first. You should remain unrepentantly gay though. Don't let him push you back in the closet or let him try to convert you (should he try that sort of thing).
Yes, that would be awful... especially for the wife and child(ren). It's one thing to screw yourself over--inflicting your emotional baggage on others in that kind of way has always struck me as particularly pernicious. I always find it incredibly sad and frustrating that stuff like that still happens (in Canada and the US, I mean, where overall there's a hell of a lot more acceptance of gay "deviance"). You might want to point out to him that apart from attention-seeking freakazoids in high schools who seem to think it's trendy to say they're bi, what sane person comes out in the first place if they're actually straight? With everything in society set up to program us to be good little straight boys and girls, people who come out and then take it back seem super highly suspicious to me. I don't think you have to not mention the obvious contradictions of his situation to remain his friend, though. Good friends call us on our shit. If you challenge him (gently) on his hard-to-believe flip-flop and he then doesn't want to be friends with you, well... ultimately that's his choice, not yours. I don't think pretending you're okay with his "decision" to keep being his friend is necessarily at all helpful. As others have said, let him know you're there for him, but I would also let him know you don't really buy what he's attempting to sell. (I think people let others get away with FAAAAAAR too much shit overall just to avoid conflict.)
>>>They even confronted Mary at church one night and told her she wasn't allowed to speak to him about it anymore. I'm sorry - if God's position is so firm, surely people wouldn't need to be isolated from opposing viewpoints... Lex
Just let him know you're there. You accepted him as gay and you'll accept him as straight, but make sure he knows that you're fine with him either way. Tell him you didn't think he needed this change, as it seems such a drastic one. There's not much you can do here, but try as hard as you can not to distance yourself from him. Keep him close, because when the walls come down from this, he'll need you there. Best of luck. Please, keep us posted, (&&&)
be there for him as much as you can but if he is under 18 i would say to call child support... suppression is a type of mental abuse in which a third party may be able to intervene to help them achieve the best possible outcome for the family, which, for all intents and purposes would be that they love and accept him no matter what their extremist religious doctrine tells them.
In Christianity, God is Love. Only a pretty twisted sort of Love requires the other person to lie to themselves about how God created them. You can't be "cured" or "converted" - if there ever was a choice, wouldn't every Christian, and most people generally, be straight?
