I apparently have bad luck with men. I was stood up tonight, bringing the grand total to 10 in 3 months and was played for a few weeks by 2 men. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth coming out of the closet.
Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. It's never a nice experience when this happened. (*hug*) Hopefully it will work out the next time. Don't let this experience get you down. You will find someone with whom it won't happen. It was worth coming out. I'm sure that coming out has helped you in different ways.
I lost friends, and am depressed more then ever mainly due to what appears to be men who have fun screwing with others, I have low self esteem to begin with. Coming out has not helped with much of anything. I was alone in the closet, but didn't have the drama I do in my life currently
Hi there! Sorry to hear that your coming out experience has been better. It's hard to lose friend but you can make new friends and get to know others. Are you part of an LGBT support group? Is there a PFLAG chapter in your area that you could join? Are you at a college/university? If you haven't, maybe look into that. It could help you in making some new friends and perhaps even finding a date who will show up. When you try finding dates, is it through dating sites or are you going to clubs/bars?
Hi there! From what I've learned from talking to you. I think you're an awesome person and unfortunately, live no where near me. I have the same problem. Quality gay men are hard to come by where I live too. Friendwise as well. Their brains seemed to have relocated to their penis. I swear. But, there's just a huge amount of those shallow bastards out there. Don't let them get you down sweety.
i too am sorry to hear of your experiences i myself have been stood up a few times but you just have to remember its because they are ass holes not cos theyre gay dont let these things put you off guys and meeting people you can make new friends in all walks of life
Hey buddy... I would like to push this further and I hope I won't offend you. So I understand you were stood up 10 times in 3 months and you hadn't seen this coming all 10 times? All 10 times you were dating with men that are serious about dating or just looking for something casual? I have a hard time understanding. I wish you all the best (because you seem like an awesome guy) but on the other hand I can't help thinking that there is something that doesn't add up. Maybe a miscommunication problem between you and your partners... But again, I can't speak for you because I don't know anything about the relationships you're having... I'm sure there are many areas where you can work on yourself to avoid such situations... And again, I'm not writting this to offend you, it's mostly me wondering about the underlying reasons for all these "break-ups"
Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. Asteroid had some good advice. Try joining a couple of LGBT groups. Go out have fun, do some sports or go to the movies with the group. Keep it casual, get to know some people. You may just need to take a step away from dating for a little bit. One thing for sure, it is never a mistake to come out of the closet.
Sorry to hear that your having such a bad time lately (*hug*) But if I had a date with you I would never stand you up but I believe your luck is going to change soon
And thanks everyone, I know not all are like this. And I asked out by these guys and set up times and they never showed. I must be a joke to some guys.
I know it sucks when people stand you up. I've had it happen a few times. The thing to remember, though, is that generally, unless they've been killed in a car crash on the way to your date, them standing you up is not a sign of how they think about you at all. It's a sign of THEM and their quality as a person. If they're willing to disrespect you and stand you up on a first date, then they obviously have some other issues going on and are not a person of very high quality. And yes, there are a fair number of bad people out there.
Do you think this is more prevalent in gay men than it is in straight men? I doubt it. I'm pretty sure shallowness and stupidity are present in the gay and straight dating pools - for both men and women. As gay men we're experiencing what straight women have had to deal with for generations! :icon_wink Really? They hated you? Surely you're exagerating here. How do you know? In terms of being stood up, what do you think the issue is? I'm having to assume that neither you nor them have invested much time in getting to know one another. How quickly do you agree to meet these guys after talking with them for the first time? And finally, coming out of the closet isn't just about then being able to date. Coming out of the closet means that you can finally start to feel comfortable in your own skin. Whether you're in or out of the closet, the fact remains that you're gay. So if that's a given, why not live your life in an honest and authentic way? (i.e. out of the closet) That may or may not include dating. I'm sensing that you're not feeling comfortable (or happy) in your own skin right now, and THAT is definitely going to play a part in how attractive you are to other people, and whether or not they want to spend time with you. Given the choice between two people who are similar in every way except one has very high self esteem and the other has very low self esteem, which one would you want to spend time with? How to feel better about yourself then? If you were hoping that having a boyfriend will make you feel better about yourself, that's not likely going to be the case. So why not work on feeling good about yourself first? Daily affirmations. Getting some exercise. Developing friendships without any expectations of them developing into a relationship. You'd be amazed at how much easier the dating scene is when you have confidence in yourself. Good luck.
To Bitter Edge: Uh...college clubs? Maybe that's not the best place to start. Most of them I know [gay guys] from the LGBTQA association are shallow, self-serving, butt munching pricks. The ones around here are very exclusive and college kids in general (here, again) are very clique-ish. Finding ones without a clique is equally hard. For the most part it's just twiggy, underweight, pre-madonna's with an Adonis complex. I doubt they're all like that. I think it's the college experience getting to them. That, or they believe they're too 'good'. Though people who think like that only appear pretty on the outside but on the inside, no matter how sexy the man is, the soul is ugly, rotten, and putrid on the inside. To Xequar: You make a very good point. Such a shame you live so far away. I'd definitely give you a shot. (relationship wise) All the boys around here are as I described above. All the bigger guys seem to fuckin hide under rocks. It's making me start thinking bein gay makes you skinny. Maybe I'm just not fabulous enough. Haha
Perhaps this will be an unpopular view, but in my experience in talking with and working with a lot of gay men 18 to 35, it seems like shallowness and relationship issues is, in fact, a bigger problem than among straight men. Witness how obsessed the gay community is over age and appearance issues, comments like "no fats/fems" in personal ads, and the like. Also, as many therapists working with mixed gay and straight populations have said, it does seem that gay men on the whole tend to have more issues surrounding relationships than straight men do, and it's a complex set of factors believed to contribute to this, but one of the most basic is that nearly all of us experience some level of discrimination, devaluing, and other things that are harmful to our self-esteem that come from society's lingering homophobia... which translates to some internal level of self-hatred that, in turn, manifests as insecurity in relationships. That said, there are guys out there who are healthy and grounded and aren't flaky. The feedback I get from the guys I know who have spent time seeking relationships is that you almost never find people who are quality relationship material in a club or bar setting, on a hookup site, or from Craigslist. The people I know who are in lasting relationships have generally met through other means, either activity-related events or groups where there's a fairly high gay population, or sometimes through Facebook or Myspace *if* the people have first spent a fair amount of time talking online before meeting up. While there are a ton of people out there who seem to only want hookups, there are others who want meaningful relationships. In general, a relationship has a much better chance of becoming a deep, long-lasting and rich experience between two people if the parties first spend time getting to know one another before engaging in any sort of sexual activity. And I'm talking getting to know one another over several meetings or dates, not 20 minutes of idle talk before pulling out the condoms. Some people may disagree with this, and I'm confident there are exceptions to the rule, but I think on the whole, seeking out the guys who aren't looking for hookups will more likely yield stable, grounded people who won't flake on you. And keep in mind that many guys have gotten wise and will *say* they aren't into hookups, but still behave that way on a first meeting... after a while, you can usually tell from talking to them for 5 minutes which ones those are.
^ No issues - I agree. I just think that some of the 'shallow' qualities of straight men don't show as much because they have to interact with women in a different way. A guy that puts in a personal add "only hit me up if you're a 10" won't likely hear from many women. I also agree that gay men (me included) likely have more 'issues' because they've had to overcome society's condemnation of homosexuality. That's not easy to do. But I firmly believe that there's someone out there for 'BitterEdge'. The attitude I held onto (for dear life sometimes) was that if I was gay and single and looking for a meaningful relationship with a decent guy, there had to be at least one other guy out there that was similar to me. It was just a matter of finding him. And sure enough - I did.
Hi there! If the college or community LGBT groups are not an option, than maybe try finding/joining an activity (as it was mentioned above) or try joining a social event of LGBT organization. As it was mentioned, it really depends also what you are looking for. If you are looking for longer relationship to develop, talking to others and trying to become friends first should be the priority rather than going on dates. Only through talking and trying to get to know the other person, will you see if there is enough that can hold a relationship together for a while. Finding the person who will be interested in spending some time with you can take some time. That said, you will be able to find that person. From my own experience, joining LGBT groups has its advantages and benefits. Sure, not all of them are the same and it does depend also on the prevailing group dynamic. It can take a while for an 'outsider' to become 'one of us'. Often it involves tossing away or putting aside our own biases or preconceived notions of what it is going to be like. Often it helps going in without any expectations. Maybe try becoming more involved. If there is something to do, maybe put up your hand and volunteer to do it. Like this you show them you have an interest in being part of that group. It takes time for people to get used to each other and to get to know one another and find out what makes them tick so to speak. I don't know how many meetings/events you have attended but maybe think about giving it another chance.
I completely agree with this. I think its an age issue to with college men; however, that being said alot of the gays I know just dig into stereotypes and aren't themselves.
