The thing is I know that I am a lesbian. I just know it and I also know that if I did come out my family would most likely be okay with it and probably already even know but something just keeps stopping me and I have NO idea why I just cant say it out loud. I hate being in the closet! Any thoughts?
EC is a good place for you then! It will help you to become more comfortable with yourself and eventually you will be able to come out! Welcome!
Firstly: Welcome to EC! Secondly: For me personally, it took me a good 2 years to fully accept myself, and at that point when I came out it was a total nonevent, especially with my friends. Well...for the most part. IMO, knowing you're gay and accepting that you're gay are two different things, so maybe you're in between those two right now? What I can suggest is read books about gay teens, be it fiction or nonfiction, that helped me a lot. Good luck!
It took me two year to accept myself and now that I have accepted myself, the idea of telling my family is such a big important thing and even though I know they'll need some time to get used to it I know that they will accept me. I think that fear of the unkown is huge even if you are sure of what your family's reaction will be because they could totally surprise you and not be as accepting as you were hoping. I have said this before.Fear,especially of the unkown is an extremely powerful motivator.
It'll take time. Eventually you'll feel comfortable enough to be able to talk about it, but you just need to wait. It won't instantly happen and it will take time to be comfortable with yourself. I was lucky to be able to come out at 16, but a lot of people can't until they are much older. You'll know when it feels right.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! Glad you have decided to join! It is quite normal to have that feeling of being 'stopped' every time the thought of coming out to your parents enters your mind. It can be an indication that you are not ready yet to take that step, which is totally fine. Often for us to be able to come out to our parents, we need to have reassurances and convince ourselves that everything will be okay. For some saying the words (lesbian or gay) is difficult. Maybe it would be easier instead of saying "I'm a lesbian', maybe try "I like girls." For some that's easier to say. Remember that often times, inner homophobia that we have built up over time prevents us from being able to take that step. But with time you will be able to overcome it. As you continue to expand your support network, you will be able to overcome some of your inner homophobia. At times, having a strong support network can also help in gaining some confidence and also having the feelings of being able to come out to parents. The more often you come out, the more you will also be able to say to yourself, 'hey I can do this.' Also, try to remind yourself periodically, that 'if I do come out to my parents, things are going to be okay." You know the reasons why you want to come out to them. Keep them in front of you all the time. Have you come out to some of your friends already? If you haven't, maybe try coming out to a really good friend whom you can trust and know will be supportive/accepting. Another thing you could try doing is joining a LGBT group either at school or within the community. Being part of such a group could help you in overcoming some of your fears. Talking to others and listing to their experiences can at times put our own minds at ease. But always remember, it is okay to take as long as you need. There is never a rush in coming out to your parents. Take your time. You will feel and know when you are ready. I hope this helps a bit!
That is exactly how I felt. How I still feel really. I was really lucky and when I told my parents, they were just as accepting as I thought they would be, and when I discovered that... But I know what you mean about not being able to say it out loud. I can't say "I'm gay" to other people for some reason. I spent about 20 minutes the other day beating around the bush and trying to make someone guess. It gets easier with practice. If you can't outright say it, then you don't have to. There are other, possibly better ways, to say I'm gay than "I'm gay." I think "I'm attracted to ________" gets the point across a lot better. You might need to follow it up with a "I'm not attracted to _______." If you really want to tell your parents or anyone else but just can't yourself to do it in front of them, then you might try writing them a letter? What I did was I asked both of my parents to come talk. Once they were sitting there in front of me and asking, "What is it?" I couldn't back out of it, and eventually it (and I) came out. If you find a good time and you know it's a good time and you feel confident, why not just go for it? I think it's just really hard to say it out loud at first because...I wish I could tell you why...
First off, welcome to EC. I'm new here myself. I agree with 'listen up world'. Sometimes it's best to work your way around it than coming out forthright. In contrast to that, you might find it easier to simply say "I'm gay". MIGHT. . . You might not know what the problem is and why you can't come out but eventually this reason will either resolve itself or you will realise what that problem is on your own. Just give it time and you will probably learn to understand. When you do realise why you can't come out then you will probably solve it too. What I'm trying to say is, don't worry. It's normal and alot of people will and do experience this (myself included). You will find you own solution in time (although you do need to seek it). Hope this helps
i've been feeling exactly this way for at least a year now and i still haven't told anyone...i don't know, as you said, it's just so hard to say it out loud. and i don't know why. i wouldn't have any problems writing it, coming out by email/letter but i'm scared of the conversations i would be having afterward, not because of peoples reactions(which i think would nearly all be positive) but of having to say it...that i am a lesbian...i don't know, its driving me nuts
Hi and welcome to EC. Coming to terms with our own orientation is tough. Then sharing that fact with another person is just as hard sometimes. We have (we think) so much to lose that it's fear that keeps us in the closet. Often though the fear is of a worst case scenario. And those don't usually happen. Just hang out here and get comfortable with yourself. Having more confidence helps a lot. Eventually you'll be ready and you'll do it. But life isn't a race, so don't sweat it.
