Hello... I have kind of a long story and am hoping to get some advice. :help: I am not out yet (except to one person). About a year and a half ago my best friend (a girl, Sarah) started thinking that I liked her, and she started to develop feelings for me. She began getting very close (too close, almost clingy) to me. Like she would walk up to me and lay her head on my shoulder and hug me type of thing and my friend Anna told me that she was like in love with me. Naturally, I paniced because it always happens to me.. I'm nice to girls and treat them better than a straight guy would, so they always fall for me because they think I like them. In my annoyance and panic I stopped talking to her altogether and told her she was too clingy and i didnt want to hang out with her anymore. I guess she was very hurt and cried a lot as her mother approached me and told me so. I felt bad but at the same time was very turned off from being her friend because of how clingy and annoying she became when she started liking me. Right after this, a new best friend (Anna) came into the picture and I came out to her. We spent A LOT of time together for a year. Every single free moment pretty much spent with each other. A few months ago me and Anna all of the sudden started falling apart. Around this time also I got her a job where I work. I realized that I did not like her personality, as I found her to be fake, rude, and a drama starter. We started fighting a lot and now today we have some tension. We try to pretend we are still best friends but both know that something is wrong and it is quickly dying. We work together (which I might now regret.. but we do not talk too much at work so its not that big of a deal) but that is pretty much all the time we spend together. Recently I began hanging out with Sarah a little bit more and even a little outside of school. We are back to our old selves that got along so well and I really miss the laughs we had together. I've been thinking about meeting with her to tell her everything about why we stopped being friends and that I'm gay. Today I went over the scenario in my head and started crying just thinking about it. Another thought is that if I start to come out to more people, I wouldnt rely on Anna so much and it could save our friendship (somehow? lol). I have two other friends that I am ready to come out too as well and they would be so cool with it (or most likely already know) but I really just need the strength and guts to just do it.. I REALLY want to.. i just cant bring myself too. Everytime i practice come out in my mind, I start crying and get very overwhelmed and I don't know why. Anyways theres my rant and I really want to act soon as I'm moving away in a few months for college.. and am sick of being in the closet and only having one outlet. Please :help: ty <3 Mike J
there isn't really much advice I can think to give other than that you'll have to do it eventually and it's easiest to start with those that you know'll be excepting as it will be easier from then on.
Its easier to start off with one person and take it from there. I know you say you want to tell someone so maybe you can do this via a letter. That way you can get all your thoughts down. Good luck.
i would say not to force a friendship with anna just get on thats fine. i say tell sarah as she has a right to know really as she prob blames herself for your split apart wondering what did she really do wrong and if you do care for her which you seem to there shouldent be a friendship based on secrets she needs to know the real you, if shes really your friend she will look past feelings and be happy for you and supportive. but i will say tell her gentley as she may very well still have feelings for you and you dont want to hurt her take care
It sounds like coming out to Sarah would be a good idea. For one, it'll explain your past behavior, and secondly, it'll make sure she doesn't fall back into falling for you again. Coming out is simply something to get beyond. Like pulling at splinter out of your finger. We might cringe and think horrible things about it, but once it's done, it quite often feels a lot better. You might think about writing Sarah a note. Then hand it to her personally. This way seems to work quite well for people who aren't sure what to say, or if they'll be able to say it. Lex
First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying. We, as a society, have taught our children that "boys don't cry". Well crying is good for you. It relieves tension and stress and gets it all out of our system! Second, Sarah deserves to know the truth. You hurt her deeply by doing what you did. You need to come out to her.
This. Besides helping you overcome the difficulty of getting the words out, it will also allow her to understand your true emotions while/after she's reading it. Good luck!
i now it sound hard to do but eveyone is right you need to tell sarah. you dont want it to get back to where it all started and i have faith that you can do this. and if crying help then i have the shoulder for you to cry on and i am sure there are more on here that will let you use there shoulder it is goo to cry hang in there it will get better
Add another voice to the "come out to Sarah" choir. It will provide a sense of closure (on the "crush" side of things, I mean) to both her and you. And hey, that will be one more coming out experiernce! It can only help for the next few. If there's anything I've learned about coming out, it's that for me working out elaborate scenarios ahead of time doesn't work. I can do it much better if it's freeform at the spur of the moment (which is entirely unlike how I do anything else). I'm not saying that that's the way you should do it too, but perhaps it is better to find another way of preparing for it than just going over it in your head.
First of all, you have my sympathy. Also, your crying is not unusual. I'm sure many people go through it as well. I myself often experience the same confusing sensations. Coming out to Sarah sounds like a very good idea. As the others have explained, it will give the reasons for your previous actions. Also, it's best to get all you want to do done well before you go to college. The change involved (although I haven't gone through it) is much easier if you have a clear conscience. Also you won't have any regrets about not telling them. In addition to that, your leaving for college might be a good thing. It will give every one some time to get accustomed to it and sort out their thoughts. If you guys get together again during college it may mean a healthier relationship with them. I'm also sure that college will open more avenues for you to wander down. More doors will open and if one door closes, remember, another window opens. Keep a brave face and strive to be who you are.
