Yesterday I went on a second date with the same guy that I wrote about before. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24196 We had a great time. We went to Ikea and grabbed a coffee. It was nice we were able to chat and found that we have a number of things in common. At the end of the date we hugged and we said we we call each other during the week and plan to see each other again. From the beginning we decided that we would keep things open and see what happens. The thing is that when I talked to him during the week he said that he could not stop thinking of me. He also brought up that if we become a couple that we should take down our profiles from the dating site we are member of. I told him that when and if the time comes I am open to this conversation. After we hung up I thought he may be jumping ahead of things. Now that we chatted more and saw each other yesterday I can not stop thinking of him. At the end of the date I wanted to kiss him so badly but we were in a busy parking lot. We instead hugged and he actually grabbed my butt. During the date he talked about maybe working out together sometime and going to the beach during the summer. I mentioned to him that I would like to take him to the restaurant I went to on Saturday night with the gay meet up group. Right now I am so confused. I want to see him more and get to know him better. But also I want to try to take things slow, but I can tell I am developing feelings for him. The last time things moved too quickly I got my heart broken. On top of that there is another guy from the dating site. We emailed each other a few times and we plan to meet this week. I know that I should go and see him and keep my options open. But in some ways I don't want too. I needed to vent. Sorry for the length. AARG my head. :bang::bang:
Assumptions are never safe to make and even less so when it comes to people you don't know all that well. As with everything in any kind of relationship honestly and communication are vital. So my only advice is calm down, remember that you have control of yourself and through that you can control where the relationship with these guys go and at what pace. Be honest and open about it, tell the guy you're seeing exactly what you told us here tonight. You like him and it's growing rapidly, but you're scared that things might be going too fast and that you've had bad experiences in the past. I am 95% positive he will react is totally agreeable and supportive manner. Good Luck!
I understand why you want to take things slow, but I don't think you have to refrain yourself from doing what you want to do. If you want to kiss him, then go on. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings a physical way. The best thing to do is to keep the communication open with him. Talk to him about how you feel, why you're scared and what you feel comfortable with. It seems to me that this guy likes you too, I'm sure he will be fine with it. As for your second date, you can go and see what happens, but be honnest about it with the 2 guys (the one you see and the one you'll meet). Take care, Eleanor
This sounds like my partner and me. You know in sci-fi movies where people are getting sucked out of the airlock? Where they hang on by their fingernails as their legs dangle in mid-air? That was us, getting sucked into the relationship. Mainly, I'd suggest leveling with everybody. Tell Mr Ikea that you're starting to get feelings for him, too. Remind him, though, of two things. 1. You feel you dove too quickly into the last relationship, and it's left you reluctant to do so again. 2. You've already set up a meeting with another guy via the dating website, and you feel you should go through with it. Next, tell Mr Newbie that you have met somebody, and things may be developing. However, you'd still like to meet with him if he's willing. Lex
Thanks everyone. I plan to be open with both of them. As far as the first guy I am going to tell him that I do have feelings for him and I want to take things slow because of my past experiences. I will tell him that I may be going on a date with the second guy. I just hope he does not think that I am giving him mixed messages and gets turned off by it. And with the other guy we have not made definite plans. If we go out I will tell him that I am also seeing other people. This helps but I still feel overloaded. I may go for a long walk to clear my mind.
"Mixed messages" means "giving hints that make your intentions unclear". You won't be giving hints, and you won't be camouflaging your intentions. You're going to be very clear about what you feel, and what you're concerns are, and what you're going to do. ...right? Lex
Yea. I guess my wording was off. What I meant is that I sort of feel funny telling him that I have feelings for him then tell him I am going on a date. I just don't want to hurt him.
Basically, I see two possibilities: 1. You really have found Mr. Right and feel this incredibly strong pull toward him. I do believe in soulmates, and there's the remote possibliity that this person you've met is Mr. Right. 2. If you have felt really lonely, or are unconsciously looking for validation that it's ok to be gay, then there may be a part of you, outside of your conscious awareness, that is simply seeking to be in a relationship so that you can validate to yourself (again, unconsciously) that you are "worthy" of being in a relationship. It's an insecurity that a lot of gay men, particularly men newly coming out of the closet, often have. The paradox is that people who are insecure about relationships and feel like they *have* to be in one are almost never happy in their relationships, because the insecurity either makes them jealous, or makes them feel afraid of losing the relationship, which negatively affects the relationship, and often makes the person come off as too "clingy." I'd say do try and go somewhat slowly. And keep in mind also that if the person you're seeing has been out and been in relationships for a while, he will naturally have different expectations than you do. I think the suggestions about being open and honest are good ones. Just understand within yourself that if you come on *too* strongly that this might be uncomfortable for him; people who are super clingy or jump into relationships too fast are generally not the people most guys are looking for in a healthy relationship. But... all will get better with time and experience.
