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Straight or Gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by rainemc, May 26, 2009.

  1. rainemc

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    About a week ago I told my dad I was gay. Earlier that day I saw these girls and i saw their curves and i got this strange feeling in my heart. The feeling was a "good for them, they have nice bodies" feeling but oddly enough h It was coupled with a minor sexual feeling in my genitals. This never happened before. Well not with the sexual feeling anyway. Then I told my dad and he didn't take it to well. He spoke as little to me as he could but he did say he still loved me. Anyway i was looking at pictures of hot guys and nothing was happening sexually. This disturbed me so I looked some girls and I got the "good for them, they have nice bodies" feeling again and there was a minor sexual feeling. Later on that night I was watching gay porn and nothing was turning me on then i looked at straight porn and it was more arousing but I didn't like the womens faces just their vaginas being "pleasured". I love how a guys face looks and how a guys body looks. Lately though when looking at guys in school I didn't get a strong sexual feeling like I used to It was just a neutral to kind of aroused feeling. Now thats the sexual aspect of my dilemma.

    Now i was thinking about how I've never had a crush on a guy but I've never talked to any really nice guys. They were all douche bags and I didn't like them. But I have had feeling towards girls but I think this could be just because I connect better with them because were more alike. I haven't connected with a guy like I have with a girl. The thing is i think that if i met a nice gay guy I think I could develop a crush or even a relationship with them.

    Now about Being close I'd rather kiss a guy, I'd rather hold a guy Id rather be held by a guy Id rather hold hands with a guy. I wouldn't want to do that stuff with a girl. I think I could marry a guy too but that's so hard to judge. I don't know If I could marry a woman.

    Now about love. This is what the whole gay/straight thing is about-love. Who do you love but how can i answer this question if i don't even know what It is? I guess I could love a guy and I don't know if i could love a girl because I went out with my best friend for two years who was a girl and the most I ever got with her was a family-like love. She's like a sister but who's to say that I couldn't love another woman.

    Now the question...What do you think this means. Am I gay am i straight. How could a strong attraction towards men just go away after I told my dad. Will It come back? What are your views? Thank you so much for reading this! I greatly appreciate any answers or comments even if its just to one aspect of my problem. Thank you SO MUCH for reading this and thank you for answering.
    Thanks! :confused:
     
  2. Ralf

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    Don't worry, everything'll come naturally... things change as time goes on, just let it be!
    you don't need to try to get into guys or girls, it'll all fit into place :slight_smile:
    if anything, try not to think about it, i know it's hard, but it'll help!
     
  3. Chip

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    Why paint it in black and white? Kinsey said that only 10% of the population was at either end of the scale (gay or straight) and everyone else was somewhere on the continuum. Most people will eventually identify as straight or gay for convenience, but in reality, most of those who identify as one way have at least a tiny bit of attraction toward the other, and a small percentage of people are truly bisexual, with little or no preference for either gender in particular.

    I think that most people your age experience some of what you're going through... in a couple of extreme cases, I knew a couple of guys who announced they were gay, then announced they were straight, then announced they were bi, and then announced they were gay again. (In this case, I think they probably just came out a little too quickly and there was an argument going on between conscious and unconscious that hadn't been resolved.)

    I bet if you ask most people who come out, they go through a period where they're doubting their "decision" to identify as gay, and, likewise, what their true identity is.

    At 15, if you're like most people your age, your hormones are raging, so it's even possible you could see an androgynous mannequin in a window, or a hot dog on a grill, or two dogs having sex... and get a hard-on from it. In other words, right now, it's likely just raging hormones. Just because you feel a little sexual excitement from one sex or the other doesn't definitively identify your sexual identity.

    I wouldn't put too much stock in how pornography is affecting you either; your unconscious may be struggling with your decision and trying to reject it, or "make sure" you've made the right decision. If you want to try and get a clearer picture, sometimes masturbating *without* any porn helps -- just relax and take your time, and see what images come into your head, try not to judge them or think of anything in particular, but just let your mind wander and see what you find yourself fantasizing about. While that isn't definitive either, it is more likely to give you an idea of what sort of things arouse you, and give you at least a clue toward what your true preference is.
     
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  4. Lexington

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    You're 15. You don't have to hang out the shingle yet. You're probably still working through it. Feel free to stick with "not sure" for now, and eventually, you'll figure it out.

    Lex
     
  5. rainemc

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    On a related note is it ethical to go out with another guy while I'm questioning my sexuality to try it out as long as I'm up front with him and explain that I am still unsure?
     
  6. Lexington

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    I don't even see the need of explaining that you're still unsure. Most of us aren't sure if the person we start dating is "the one" - that's why we date instead of immediately buying a house together. :slight_smile: Just date him, and see how it goes.

    Lex
     
  7. AXavierB

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    Lately I've come to the conclusion that the labels of "straight", "gay" and "bi" don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.

    You just go with what feels natural. Don't worry about which category you fall into. People are varied, and categorizing them is mostly pointless anyway.
     
  8. Chip

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    Absolutely. Honesty is the best policy, just be truthful that you aren't sure, and if the guy is OK with it, then there's no problem. I frankly think you'll find a lot of guys your age are still somewhat unsure in spite of the fact that they might label themselves "gay." Parents and family members often put pressure to the effect of "You might be bi" or "don't label yourself yet" so sometimes there's a lingering doubt that takes a little while to dissipate.
     
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  9. Mason

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    I'd just live life for now. Wait to see what happens. That's the best thing. Don't go around looking at guys or at girls. Just let things fall into place.
     
  10. pirateninja

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    Seriously, just go with the flow, and most importantly, be honest. If you want to date this guy, because you truly want to see if it'll go somewhere, then go for it. Take it as far as you want it. If suddenly you feel "That's it, I can't possibly take it any farther" then don't. If you do want to take it further, then you do.

    Good luck buddy :thumbsup:
     
  11. joeyconnick

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    I think it's really great that you want to be upfront with people. If you are unsure and you say that, that sounds pretty ethical to me. I know if I were deciding to date someone and they were unsure, I would definitely want to know.
     
  12. Alex19

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    i agree with everyone else. take your time, theres no rush. sometimes i feel unsure, but then it goes away when i see a hot guy or if im reminded of a guy i may have a crush on at the time. for me though, it really comes down to this- i see myself spending the rest of my life with a guy. living, kissing, having sex, raising kids, waking up to and a whole bunch of other stuff, with a guy. if i picture me doing that with a girl, it feels unnatural b/c thats not me nor is it for me.
     
  13. silas99

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    Take it all in your stride. Sexuality is so fluid, dont stress about if you're one thing or the other or both. Just see what happens and dont close any doors. If you meet a girl you have feelings for dont just brush them aside. And dont think "I'm gay. I cant possibly have those feelings". Just go with it.
     
  14. Revan

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    I've heard of times that porn does nothing for some people. They find that since there is no actual physical interaction minus you and your hand....there is no arousal really. So you may still be gay and like you said, would prefer to be with a guy. But like what everyone is saying above, give it time, your only 15, I thought I was bisexual at your age, it took me till I was 17 to finally figure it out. And before 13 I didn't even really think let alone know about the gay culture or gay life...or even gay people. It was like a world that did not exist to me until high school.