Outside Relationships

If that is indeed the WHOLE story, i can't see a problem. He cheated, you tried to stop it happening (although personally, i would have been a little bit more in control of the situation, its not like you can just fall on his cock).

Should you tell his GF....not really sure about that. It should be something HE tells her, but all the same, if he wont, she does need to know.

 

I'll be honest with you, buddy, and say first off that I'm not quite sure what to say. I can understand that in that situation, you simultaneously had and lost control of the situation.

But first of all, talk to the guy. He certainly wouldn't be happy if you upped and told his girlfriend straight away. Talk to him first, tell him that he should tell her, because she WILL find out. Not that you don't have trustworthy friends, but word may get around. So talk to this guy quickly, and try to get him to tell her. If he refuses, I am sorry, buddy, but you are going to have to. She deserves to know.

It's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better with this one. I trust you'll do the right thing on this. (*hug*)

 

I as well will be honest. First off, I don't accept the "I didn't want it to happen" excuse. You were both willing participants, thus you are both responsible. Secondly, although his girlfriend not 'wanting him to be bi anymore' is a peculiar request, what shouldn't be strange is that she would expect him to be faithful. So I also agree with your friends and the other posters on this - if he doesn't tell his gf, you are going to have to. Yeah she WILL find out eventually.

 

Yeah, I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but if you were really trying to prevent it you wouldn't have had sex. From what you said, he didn't rape you or anything. It seemed like you were willing.

I think you should tell his girlfriend and personally apologize. And she should probably try to find someone who won't cheat on her. Him being bi isn't an excuse to sleep with a guy when he's already in a relationship.

 

I understand how you feel. First thing, not that this will help you now but maybe in the future: you shouldn't have told a big bunch of people about it because things like what happened between you and this guy are exactly the kind of secrets that are incredibly easily spilled.

Anyway, like I said, I understand you feel bad. That being said, the culpability is not the same: he is the one who isn't single. Conversely, as people have mentioned, these things don't "just happen." It's not like someone forced you into it, right? So you have to own up to that. Please don't pretend you were hostage to your hormones--that won't do you any good overall.

As for who should tell who what... there are two main schools of thought with respect to how you deal with something like this: you either confess or you don't. If you confess, you generally feel better but you end up hurting people. If you don't, you may "get away with it" but feel guilty. Unless his girlfriend is a friend of yours, I would say it's up to him to tell her. I mean I wouldn't lie if you get asked about it but it really shouldn't come from you. It's tough, because I think most people would like to know that kind of information, but at the same time, it sounds like you would be telling her because you feel bad, not because you're really concerned for her. It would be different, and a lot more complicated, if she were a friend of yours.

I don't think there's much doubt that you should feel bad. It's not like you just met the guy and had no idea he was involved with someone else. At the same time, it won't do you much good to just get stuck with that guilt. You are definitely not the first person to make that kind of mistake (I know I have, and worse even) so the question becomes how do you act from now to minimise the damage you're involved in and to avoid making a similar mistake in the future?

I think a really important thing is to spend some time thinking about why you let things go as far as they did. There is the obvious reason that most of us don't bother going past: I was horny. But from the sound of it, you feel genuinely bad, so you have to ask yourself why it is you knowingly did something you knew would make you feel so shitty. Sexual desire is only one piece of the puzzle, mainly because, contrary what many people would like to believe, we are not without the ability to control our libido. That control might not be as good or developed when we're younger and our hormones are raging but it's still there. So you made decisions along the way that ended up with you letting things happen. And really, I don't think you're some kind of horrible person, because I think most people, at some point (several points, sometimes), make the decision to let the chips fall where they may even though they know that it is going to cause heartache. The important thing is to figure out as best you can why you did it. Because our mistakes, however painful, are a really important source of learning if we put in the effort to be honest with ourselves.

But yes, keeping things like this relatively private is definitely a much better way to handle things. Because if you were the girlfriend, how would you feel if you were told by some party that so-and-so and your boyfriend got it on? Discretion is definitely the better part of valour.

I think your next step is, as also mentioned above, to talk to the guy and see where he's at with it.

 

Of course his GF is going to be really fuckin pissed. XD It seems everyone has made good choice of words regarding what happened. But you know what? I'm going to throw my 2 cents out there as well.

I love ya, Mason, really.

But I think you made incredibly unwise decisions in dealing with the aftermath of this experience. The other's have pointed out the specifics.

I would stop trying to apologize. What's done is done. Apologize to your friend, (the BF) and call it quits. All you can do is damage control, honestly. But that should be done right otherwise you're just going to lose both of them. Really, I'm surprised the BF will even talk to you.

You sexed him up (you're both at fault here, regardless)
Passed Notes around
and told his GF

Not exactly what good friends do.

But it's not too late to change that.
Trust me.

 

Pissed at you? Yeah I understand that, but more so she should be pissed at her bf. But if they are still together and both giving you the cold shoulder today, then I think that's it. You don't need to bring it up ever again - they've reconciled in their own peculiar way. No need to apologize, no need to try to convince her that it really happened, and no need to defend yourself. Leave it be.

Edit: I really don't agree with Enigma. BS with apologizing to the bf. You were both responsible, but HE WAS THE ONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. And you had every right to tell his gf the truth.

 

I meant apologizes for telling his girl friend so quickly.
(not for bumping uglies)

I think the BF and Mason should've discussed what occured that night before making any decisions. I dunno about you Olly, but wouldn't you think that was too soon? As the BF, wouldn't you find that rude?

I just think the BF should've been able to discuss how to approach this first rather then just throwing it out there. Or at least been given a chance to talk with Mason 1 on 1 first. It instantly puts both of them in bad situations and I don't think this was a decision to be made so lightly is all.

But, what's done is done.