One of my best friends (a girl) came home from college a couple weeks ago and we've been hanging out pretty much every day. Yesterday a friend tipped me off that she likes and always has "liked" me. Now my natural instinct to avoid her at all costs is kicking in. Ugh this always happens to me my friends start liking me and then it gets weird. But I just dont want her to get the wrong idea because we spend so much time together. I dont know what to do since I don't really want to come out to her, or at all. It makes me sick thinking about it and I really don't want to come out everrrrrrrr until I leave. I need a better way to handle these situations than cold shouldering my friends that I love spending time with because they develop a crush on me. This is probably the 8th time since middle school it has happened and my reaction is always to distance myself. I could just say I'm not interested but doing that so many times eludes to me being gay. I don't know why I'm not ready to make the step to coming out since I am in a place with good supportive friends and family. Just yesterday at school someone said "My friend thought you were gay because of how you talk". I should have said "So?" or something but no, I get all red and try to cover it up or something. I'm just a coward I guess.
I feel for you! I would just tell her(if her liking you is brought up),that you're not looking for a relationship right now. Tell her you have a lot going on in your life right now. Tell her you'd love to remain friends,though,because you do enjoy spending time with her. That way,you're letting her down easy and not causing any hurt feelings. Maybe someone can give you better advice. This is what I came up with,for you. Good luck.
i agree with mickey i think this is the only way you can let her down without letting the cat out of the bag you seem to be a good friend and till you are ready to tell people about yourself it seem to me that this way may be the way to go good luck
Mickey offers great advice. It's always delicate, and yes, eventually if you never show interest in girls, people will start to wonder, but then... who cares? And isn't it always the way that someone gives you an opening, like "My friend thinks you sound gay when you talk" but you just aren't ready to jump on it at that moment? If you're sensing your friends are supportive, they probably are. You could start by making statements showing support for gay people, or putting an "marriage equality" bumpersticker on a notebook or something that sort of telegraphs that you're at least open, and see if someone takes the hint. Or, if you use Myspace or Facebook, and you're listed as "straight" you could change it to "no answer." For anyone who is gay, they will immediately realize that means you're gay-but-not-out, and maybe some people will message you. I think, however, that most straight people are oblivious to that sort of thing. Or, if you're not ready yet, do nothing. There's no rush to do anything until you're ready
Whoa hold it Mike J put it in park for a sec. You’re not a coward. You’re trying to be considerate of your friends feelings, and you don’t want to lose her as a friend either. You’re being human (which is a good thing) not a coward.
i know you dont want to lose her as a friend but you do ow it to her and yourself to be honest as a friendship does need to be built on honesty to work. but i would judge to see her reaction on homosexuality i have an idea why not say to her i saw that prop 8 stuff the other night what you make of it and see her reaction to it. i dont want to ever come out ever as i think it will destroy family life and ill lose everyone here problem with an old fashioned familly but if a friend asks i would tell them my best friend moer or less knows i find it hard to say as he is homophobic but seems ok with me as i never deny it i just say meh and smile in the end you should be proud of who you are and live life how you want nobody has the right to judge you on sexuality and a true friend will support you and as i always say it doesent define you
A straight male friend once told me that there are four words he always loathed hearing from women he was interested in. Those words were cute, nice, friend and brother. He said "The second I heard one of those, I knew I didn't have a chance." There may be a list of words you could use on her as well. But my main thought is that either she's a good enough friend that you can confide in her, or if she isn't, the cold shoulder is fine. Lex
Keep strong Mike. You are not a coward...coming out is not as easy as learning to walk and its so different for each person. If you arent ready to come out to her then dont. If you want to keep her as a friend then just tell her you like her as a friend but thats all. She's a lovely girl but you dont think you want any kind of relationship right now. She has a crush on you and she'll get over it if she knows you arent interested. I dont think you should just cut her off completely because 1. you'll lose a friend and 2. its not fair on yourself or her. I hope things work out with her. Nicxx
I know that she is supportive of homosexuality. She went to a gay pride for fun last year and she has several gay male friends back at college. Thats why im so frusterated, because I know it would be okay to come out but I'm too chicken to do it anyway. Also today, my brothers girlfriend asked me if I was gay (infront of him...) so I said no... Made me really sad because i promised myself not to lie anymore. ughhh. I know he most likely wont be shocked and would probably be nice about it, but still I lie.
Thank you! I'm always explaining to my friends why I don't want to be seen as "cute". I feel validated now. Yeah, I was going to suggest that if you don't have a sister, you could mention to her that she's like the caring older sister you never had.(*hug*)
