When I was 11 me and my best friend decided to go to different secondary schools and eventually lost touch. I made new friends that I love and can be myself with and feel really lucky and happy. A few years ago my old friend got in touch which I thought was really great and we made plans to go out and catch up but unfortunately it wasn’t the same. I had changed a lot in the time we were apart and it seemed we just didn’t have the friendship we once had, but I felt it may just take some time so we kept in touch and even tried going out again but it became obvious that it wasn’t working and so I figured we’d just grow apart again but she seems to be refusing to let go. We go months without talking then she texts and says ‘hey we should catch up, want to go out’, we go out, its awkward, don’t talk for 5 months, she texts we go out etc. and its starting to really bug me. Its blatantly obvious that we have nothing in common anymore but she REFUSES to give it up and I don’t know what to do. I thought about telling her but no matter how politely you phrase it, its always going to be a polite ‘I don’t like you’ and would just feel awful about doing that so I figured it would be better to make us grow apart by avoiding her texts and making it seem gradual and therefore pain free but omg she’s gone insane. Texts every week asking what’s up and where I am, she even added my friend on msn and asked her for my number, and its making me feel awful! I know its not right but I thought by making us drift like we did originally she wouldn’t be offended obviously it hasn’t worked. What should I do?
Unfortunately, it sounds like you've got a friend who is absolutely clueless, and subtlety probably won't work. The best thing I can suggest is just always being busy whenever she tries to set something up... just tell you you've got a ton of commitments with school, work, sports or whatever else takes up your time. Ask your friends not to give out your contact info, and just try it that way. If, after several months, she STILL doesn't get it, I think you'll just have to say "Look, my life is really full right now and I'm sorry, but I don't have time for activities with you. I hope you understand." And if that fails, you'll really have no other choice but to be incredibly blatant. People like that are usually ones that don't have many friends, and so they delude themselves into thinking that they are "very close" to people that really have no interest in them, but unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do.
Since this relationship appears to be text based, I'd say it's pretty easy to put her off. "Not looking good this month." "Maybe later." "Looking kinda swamped right now." Respond to the first text with that, and don't respond to the follow-up ones at all. Lex
Hey, thanks for the responses guys (*hug*) I know there's not much else i can do, just wanted some other peoples perspectives to reassure myself i wasn't being horribly evil by trying to cut her out! Iv also talked it out with my friends who say I'm right but just wanted to make sure that they weren't just being nice because they're my friends. lol When she asked one of my friends on msn for contact info luckily i was online talking to the friend and she told me straight away and didn't respond so contact has kinda broken down (because well... i broke it ) yet she still texts me every now and then long after i stopped replying... i though she would have given up by now... am i best to just ride it by not replying out until she does give up?
I've had a couple of friends where I've had to do that. Sometimes it takes 6 months or longer. But keep in mind the rules of conditioned response and psychology. It takes a long time to extinguish a conditioned response, and if you respond to her even once after 3 months, that will reinforce her to keep trying for months and months... so once you decide to stop responding, don't give in.
