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Im so screwed up

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hoping, May 31, 2009.

  1. hoping

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    This year on valentines day i had my first boyfriend and was sort of with him for 2 months and then well just havent seen him since then and we hardly talked.
    So i guess its pretty much over even though i dont really understand why, i mean he asked me to move in with him and stuff like that.
    Everytime i think im over him, i have days of dreaming about him and its really intense and its like i think about him alot then but i know i should be logical and know its over but i remember that morning i woke up on a cold morning and he told me how perfect i am and just held me really tight and when the first time i ever had sex was with him he just held me for ages and it felt great and he told me that i was so beautiful and amazing.
    I guess that gets really addictive when i have never had that before.
    I guess the hard part about moving on is i feel like i wont get to have that again at times.
    I dont really know how to explain it but i was just watching a movie called i think '' dresden inferno'' about the bombing of dresden in 1945 and it has a german nurse falling in love with a man she thought was a britsh spy but she finds out that he really is a bomber pilot and it breaks her heart cause many of her friends were killed in air raids and before that just like how they would just be quiet in one anothers arms, or he would pull her into a kiss and stuff like that. it reminded me of things.
    I just wish i knew how to move on or what to do and i wish i could get out of my head that i wont find anyone.
    anyway sorry for rambling on.
     
  2. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    Aw cutie, you know you can talk to me. I know how you feel. It will take time to move on and it wasn't meant to be.

    Is it possible you miss the aspect of being with him more then himself. Sounds odd but some people love the attention on gives them in the harsh world.

    Also many men are complete idiots and not worth your time, your an amazing person and you deserve a hell of a lot better.
     
  3. EM68

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    Ryan you are not screwed up at all! You are one of the most caring persons I know. Its hard sometimes getting over someone who treated you nice and said the right things for a while. You just need to keep busy. I would look into a gay youth group or a youth group in general. Not to date, but to keep busy. A place where you can meet other people, hang out, go to the movies and such. Also you may want to volunteer at a food bank or shelter.

    You will find someone who will treat you right. I am sure of it!
     
  4. beckyg

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    This little poem helped me when I was going through a really rough patch. I hope it helps you!

    Reason, Season and Lifetime

    ..

    People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

    When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

    ..

    When someone is in your life for a REASON,

    it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

    They have come to assist you through a difficulty,

    or to provide you with guidance and support,

    to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.

    They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.

    They are there for the reason you need them to be.

    ...

    Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

    this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

    ...

    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.

    Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

    What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

    The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

    ...

    When people come into your life for a SEASON,

    it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

    They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

    They may teach you something you have never done.

    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

    Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

    And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,

    the season eventually ends.

    ...

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

    those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);

    and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.

    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

    Thank you for being part of my life.
     
  5. Eleanor Rigby

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    Ryan, sweetheart, I'm sorry you feel sad. Heartbreaks are not easy things to handle. It takes time to recover from a relationship, especially it your first and when it did end a weird way and you don't really know what happened.
    I have been there, and it took me a year to heal from that guy. I hope it won't be that long for you.
    The good thing is that you'll learn from that experience. Even if your boyfriend didn't last long in your life, you had learn things about yourself and about love from the time you had been together, and you'll learn things about yourself while grieving from that relationship.
    Ed is right when he says it will help you to keep yourself busy. Doing things you like or usefull things might help you to get through this.
    I also think you have to take time to acknowledge your pain and accept that you've been hurt. Once again, grieving takes time, and you are completly entitle to feel sad, and to cry and to do all the things human beigns do when their hurt. I think it is a normal and useful phase and accepting you had to get through this will make it easier than fighting it.
    Having friends and a shoulder to cry on may help too.
    I'm sure you'll finaly get over him. It may be long, it may be painful, but you are going to get through this and I'm sure you'll find the right person for you, someone who will care as much about you that you will care about him.
    Until there, I am here if you need me. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Eleanor
     
  6. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

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    You know, I often find things like that super-saccharine and eye-roll inducing but that's a really good poem covering some important truths.
     
  7. Rob13

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    Good advice being given here!

    It is probably very hard at this time for you. Love is a confusing thing that I don't think we can ever fully understand. In my experiences, I know it is very hard to move on, and I never fully move on until there is somebody else in my life to direct my emotions that I want to express to someone I feel is special enough to deserve them.

    It seems like there may be some unfinished business with this guy if you just "stopped talking"... like maybe expressing some thoughts to him and laying out how you feel now. You don't really know how he feels right now either. I'm not saying get mad at him or what ever, because no one is perfect. But sometimes you need all the emotions to come out at once and get things set straight in your head about it till you can move on completely. Your dreams remind you of him often enough that something does need to happen to change your way of thinking if you actually want to move on. Only you can figure it out completely, but it does seem to me that there is some unfinished business going on.

    So maybe yes, your thoughts are messed up, lol, but you are not. You only are what you believe and your thoughts are not your beliefs. I'm sure you can work this out! :slight_smile:

    Good luck with everything!

    Rob
     
  8. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    You were only with him for "sort of" 2 months and he asked you to move in with him? Damn, now that's rushing things. It's a good thing you didn't because you'd be in an extremely terrible situation by now. Don't worry, love doesn't fade over nite hon. :wink:

    Bitter's right.

    Where are all the normal non-sex deprived lawyers in training near me?
    -_- A goddamn 6 story law building but none of those.
    Move here.
    Now.
     
  9. JakeBHT

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    Time is no healer, sorry to break it to ya! Here if you need to talk.:bang:
     
  10. malachite

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    We’ve all been there. While you feel screwed up now, trust me, it won’t last. You will find someone new and you will find that happy place in a lover’s arms again. But, don’t rush into anything trying to find that happy place. You always remember your first love and it is special. The bad news is: you’ll never forget how you felt that first time. The good news is: you’ll never forget how you felt that first time.
    :love:

    And on a side note: if that avatar is a picture of you then you won’t have long to wait.
    :goodluck:
     
  11. Gerry

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    You know you're not screwed up. You're a great person with many people here on EC who care about you. Things like this are hard to go through but I'm here for you if you need me. (*hug*)