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"When can I fuck you then?" + possibly beind outed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SideEffects, Jun 1, 2009.

  1. SideEffects

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    I've only been on this personals/dating website for a few days with a pic and it's weird as hell. Don't know what I'm looking for, trying go along with whatever feels right.

    So there was this hot guy (seemed hot based on the one pic I saw) and I guess because I replied to him when his profile says he's a top, he asked "when" he can "fuck" me like we even discussed that. I'm not a prude or something but it was a little off... emasculating, maybe? Meh. I'm not even sure if he's that good looking because it's pretty hard to tell by that angle. I don't mind a hookup, but I'm not that familiar with the gay community so I might be overreacting, so do tell... am I?

    Moving on to a creepy one who says he's always had a thing for me. He doesn't have a picture up and he doesn't say who he is. Annoying. Maybe it's a random stranger looking for attention or something.

    Eh.
     
  2. sdc91

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    What site is that? Sounds pretty bad...
     
  3. Maddy

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    ^ Just a warning, don't name 18+ sites on here :slight_smile: But a lot of Internet dating sites are skeevy. I've had a couple of slightly creepy older women try to pick me up through those, and it's a little intimidating. If someone really makes you feel uncomfortable, just block them, and it might be worth mentioning in your profile something like "not sure what I'm looking for yet, but no rushing into anything". If it seems like that kind of person is the only type you're finding on the site, it might be best to steer clear.
     
    #3 Maddy, Jun 1, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2009
  4. Just Adam

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    sounds well dodgy you are better off not bothering with any of them instead get to know your local lgbt community go to groups if there are any and meet people who arent users annd well assholes really :S
     
  5. EM68

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    Welcome to EC!

    There are both good and bad dating websites. Due to guidelines of this site, I won't mention which ones. I have used a dating site and got pretty good results. I dated one guy off and on for over 2 months. Currently I am dating a guy. Yesterday was our 4th date. So far so good. You just need to look at some of the bigger dating sites. Also if the profile pictures of the guys using the sites are hardly clothed if at all then its a same assumption that its a hook up site. :wink:
     
  6. The Enigma

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    Maybe try going out and meeting real guys outside of the interwebz? :slight_smile:

    Are there any watering holes for the LGBTQ there?
     
  7. Just Adam

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    when your just starting to get out there though going to a bar can be very intimidating with real people around.

    a structured friendlly support group might be better first to get used to beeing around other lgbt people and after they usually go for a drink so after a group meeting you all go for a pint and you can eye people surrounded bty people you know ... its a security blanket to help aclimatise yourself :slight_smile:
     
  8. The Enigma

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    So meeting people who could be anything from pedobears, to serial killers, to Obama from the internet is easier? :confused:; I find that scarier.
     
  9. SideEffects

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    Oh, the site is not really the problem. It's a pretty big community. Thousands of members, some look for sex, some want a relationship.

    It just shows how unsafe posting a pic online is. It's so lame to claim to know me but not to say who you are. God knows if that person is even real or if I'm going to see him tomorrow not knowing who he is.

    I don't really find it wrong that the other guy suggested sex, but is using the word "fuck" like that appropiate? Maybe it would've sounded better if he said "so when do you want to fuck me?" but what he said sounded way off.

    Basically I'm in a phase in my life that I want to lighten up and not think everything through, I tend to suck the life and excitement out of things. This is why I'm posting this... to make sure I'm not overreacting. I don't rule out sex at all if the guy is really attractive. I'm a virgin, can't afford to analyze the hell out of everyone. Better to hook up like than in a bathhouse IMo.

    Gay bars, clubs, etc... I don't really have someone to go with.
     
    #9 SideEffects, Jun 1, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2009
  10. Lexington

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    >>>I don't rule out sex at all if the guy is really attractive. I'm a virgin, can't afford to analyze the hell out of everyone. Better to hook up like than in a bathhouse IMo.

    Then lower your (physical) expectations, get out there, and get laid already.

    Lex
     
  11. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Agreed.

    They don't need to be an Adonis to get laid.

    Personally, I can't stand the Ambercrombie/American Eagle looking stick figures with their chiseled abs or physiques. I think they're phony and egoistical.

    I prefer my men raw and normal. If he were chunky, that's okay too! Why? Because cheap fucks are one thing, but I'd rather have that with someone caring or polite rather than abusive and conceited.

    Too many gay men (at least where I live) get so hung up about how many abs or how toned pecs are before they actually look at the person. Physically and mentally. I find that disturbing.
     
  12. Jim1454

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    I don't think you're over reacting at all. It isn't what you're looking for, so move on.

    What I found / find interesting about the gay 'community' is that it includes all walks of life. All races, all backgrounds, all ranges of income and economic status, all levels of intelligence and education. What's interesting about that? Well - suddenly we expose ourselves (sometimes literally! :grin: ) to people who we wouldn't otherwise have much to do with. So you've run across someone who is looking for nothing more than a quick 'fuck', but you wouldn't necessarily approach the situation in the same way he has.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with online dating. I think it's a great way to bring people together - especially for gays and lesbians. I mean, straight people can easily narrow down their 'target audience' for dating without ever speaking to someone - based on gender, and then further perhaps based on whether they already have a wedding band on. Further, it's totally acceptable (if done properly) to approach someone of the opposite sex - they'll likely be flattered. Unfortunately, gays and lesbians can't tell by just looking at someone if they are a potential partner. 9 times out of 10 we'd be wrong. And if we are, we risk offending the other person, or worse - potentially being a victim of 'gay bashing'. So meeting people, at least initially, online is great.

    The key - I think - is to be brutally honest in who you are, what you offer to a relationship, and what you're looking for. I'm a believer in there being someone for everyone - it's just a matter of finding that person. When it happens, it's pretty amazing. So start out with a foundation of honesty righ from the beginning. It will pay off when 'Mr. Right' comes along. Good luck!
     
  13. Dare2bProud

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    I learned how to decipher those I want to talk to and those I don't. I've chatted with some losers. I've met some, who didn't work out as relationships but became fair weather coffee friends. *shrugs* It's like the Abba song, "I wanna know, yes I wanna know, what's the name of the game?"
     
  14. Greggers

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    Am i the only one who does not use online dating sites? :O

    And im the first one to bitch about not having a boyfriend haha.

    Basically i dont want to hookup, at all, and so i thought that ruled out the entirety of the internet. Is there really a good site for people who want to take it slow? like maybe NOT fuck within 12 hours of first meeting face to face? If you have one please PM me and give a description :slight_smile:

    But back onto what Enigma said, i think your better off meeting someone in a bar or club were your both face to face. That gives you one less thing to lie to eachother about imo. The internet is built upon lies and alter egos, so i tend not to trust many people unless i have a facebook or something...and even then sometimes not...
     
  15. djt820

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    Good because thats all youre gonna get from those types of sites. Expect horny bastards and people with VERY little info. In my experiance, I hooked up with one person but didnt have sex. It broke my heart in the end. That was about a year ago and Id never do that again. I was really stupid. I'd do what the others are saying and get out.
     
    #15 djt820, Jun 1, 2009
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  16. SideEffects

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    It's pretty much impossible to "lower" expectations. I can't help who/what I'm attracted to. Going by that logic, I could just be with a girl I have a good connection with and be straight.

    I made a huge mistake in the past, trying to lower my expectations and do something with a guy I wasn't attracted to just for the sake of doing it, and also because he seemed nice(he wasn't). It brought on a really embarassing moment, that's why it's important for me NOT to settle on looks anymore.

    As for for Abercrombie comment, where did that come from? I never even said something like that. ALL of us discriminate by looks. Liking "raw and chunky" guys and saying Abercrombie types of guys are gross is discriminating too, you know. But that's way off topic...
     
    #16 SideEffects, Jun 2, 2009
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  17. SideEffects

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    I agree with all of that. Too bad that even in a "safe" place like that, you have closet cases who tell you they know, stalk your profile, and won't tell you who they are.

    Pictures online can be decieving too. Someone can be really photogenic and look different IRL. I've seen two pictures of the guy I was/am talking to and they're so different... one is hot, the other not so much. So even if I decided to hook up with him, who's to say I'm gonna be attracted to him in real life? It's almost like I have a phobia of trying to have sex with someone I don't find attractive again.
     
    #17 SideEffects, Jun 2, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2009
  18. Lexington

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    >>>It's pretty much impossible to "lower" expectations. I can't help who/what I'm attracted to. Going by that logic, I could just be with a girl I have a good connection with and be straight.

    To a degree, yes. But you no doubt have realized that the vast majority of guys out there aren't going to fall into your "really attractive" category. And honestly, I think that's true of everyone. I certainly don't think most guys are attractive. I can't even remember the last time I met a guy I would classify as "really attractive".

    So what's that mean? Do I have to search high and low for those that fit my definition, and then hope against hope that they're gay, available, and into geeky guys? Or does it mean I have to lower my standards and settle for sex from someone I have no interest in having sex with?

    Neither, as it turns out. Because, see, physical attraction isn't the only kind of attraction.

    Take a look at the couples you see. Quite often, they're not great lookers. And I'll wager money that they neither "don't have qualifications" nor "lowered their standards". Chances are - they got to know each other, they clicked, and they fell in love. I always had a thing for tall, muscular guys. My partner is short and roundish. I didn't lower my standards. I just fell in love. :slight_smile:

    You don't have to alter your standards. You can either go to the bathhouse and hope for a hottie (good luck). Or you can wait until you find an attractive guy. Or maybe you'll find someone who isn't that attractive that you click with. If it's the latter, I hope you recognize it for what it is.

    Lex
     
  19. acorn7

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    No, you're not.

    Me too :grin:
     
  20. SAGUY84

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    Don't really have much to help with the discussion, but this line reminded me of this pic
     

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