Cute guy. Wonderful and mellow. Think Hawaiian surfer mentality. And he's sort of shy and introverted but not too much. We started hanging out lot after our mutual friend turned into a hermit and then went abroad. And he's not really my type but he's grow on me. So we've been going to the gay bar [bar, not club; it's really tame] for the last couple of weeks together and dancing with each other. He can't dance well, so we end up dancing really goofy-like and just having fun. we're usually facing each other. And he tends to dance in really close. Like kissing range close. And it was worse friday night. He was like a couple inches away from my face for most of the dancing. And there was "holding". not really, but I was showing him how to move his body and got uncomfortable and keep removing my hands and he kept putting them back on his waist. Did I mention we were drunk? And that he's said he was straight? And that I asked him again in the middle of dancing and he said he was and proceded to put my hands back on his waist and dance really, really close again? Argh. I have a policy of never initiating anything with my straight friends. And I really think he wants to kiss. And i do to, but I can't. I don't want to be the gay guy that comes on straight guys. I want him to make the first move. What do I do here? Everything except his mouth says he's gay or he's gay for me. My other guy friends confirm that is not proper straight male behavior [and have witnessed it]. But... I'm too scared to fuck things up since he said he was gay in the bar. Even if he likes me, and since identifies as straight, shouldn't he make the move?
"He's such a brain freeze" I've never heard that. I like it. Being drunk makes you do plenty of stupid things. It can make you do things you wouldn't normally do or that you don't mean. Don't take anything too seriously because you drank and goofed off. It happens very often. He's straight? In a gay bar? Dancing in close proximity and putting your hands on his waist? Maybe you should flood his closet with some more alcohol so he comes out for air. What do you do? You're exactly right in saying "I don't want to be the gay guy coming onto straight guys." I do the same thing and avoid any such behavior around them because I don't want to be labeled that way either. Again, let him drink some more. And when it's over, tell him what he did. I'm not saying rape the dude when he's drunk, but tell him about his behavior. Tell him reign it in or ask him politely, and inquisitively about his behavior and ask if there's any underlying reason. No matter who makes the first move, make sure there is good communication between you and the line is drawn so you know who stands where. Don't just bend over and take one for the team because he'll likely disappear right after either ashamed or afraid to face you again, or it just might be you who does that. If you want to be friends, just communicate.
In my experience being drunk just makes you do things that you wouldn't dare let yourself do if you were sober. He does sound a bit like he's in denial, I know, I've been there, wrote the book, got the T shirt. But that doesn't mean that you should confront him, that would be a brilliant way to scare him off for good. I would suggest that you are just there for him, be his friend and be really open with him. That way, should he decide to come out he is not afraid to be open with you.
Sounds like you might want to find a new friend to go dancing with. Someone dancing that close to my face - who isn't my bf - would drive me nuts! I'd be just like you - "Kiss me and get it over with, or BACK OFF!" It's never a good thing to drag someone out of the closet though. They have to come out on their own.
Ask. "You say you're straight, but you keep making moves that seem to indicate you're interested in me physically. Are you?" Lex
I had that happen with a cast member of a musical I had performed in the fall. He claimed he was "straight". We went to a gay bar and he held my hand to show me around than on the dance floor he would get all physical. He was drunk of course, would never talk about it the next day or would want anyone to talk about it. He has a girlfriend now though. *shrugs* I didn't get attached. I was proud of myself.
I think maybe you had a Freudian slip there. Look you like this guy and from what you've said he seems to like you, whice mean your not coming on to a straight guy. You're coming on to a gay guy. It isn't like you do this all the time there is obviously a connection here. Go for it. (!)
life is too short too let opportunities slip past, hell i say go for it, if he isn't into you, well then its his fault for giving off the wrong messages!but i think if he is dancing with u in a gay bar, even if he is drunk, its not something most straight guys do!
It took me 2 years before I told the "straight" guy I wanted him. Turned out he wanted me too, but when things started to get deeper, he left me high and dry for a girl. 6 months later he came back asking to cheat..then not wanting to, then wanting to again. I fight to keep it sex-free until he changes (LOL >_>)... My advice = be up front and open about it, minus the alcohol. Don't get attached.
Threadjack. >>>6 months later he came back asking to cheat..then not wanting to, then wanting to again. I fight to keep it sex-free until he changes. Cut it out. Drop him like a hot potato and find yourself a guy who actually wants to be with you, not just keep you as his action on the side. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. Lex
