I know this sounds sort of silly, but it always bugs me. Okay, so whenever I talk to anyone about coming out they always say "well, you know the reason you want to come out." but the thing is, I never do know that reason. I can never come up with the actual reason. I was like "wow, that is weird, well, if there is a chance I might like girls, I guess I have to come out. And I started telling people" I feel like I am missing something vital here. Sometimes I even go to the extreme where I think that I must be making this all up in my head and I am straight cuz I am clearly not feeling the same thing other gay people feel? I don't know!? Why did you guys know you needed to come out? Probably just being my normal crazy self and just overthinking things.
Hi there! If I would answer the question "Why do I want to come out?" I would say: wanting to be closer to friends and family, being 'honest' with the people that are important to me, not wanting to have the constant feeling of 'hiding' and not being able to talk about things (for example about trying to find a boyfriend, being part of an LGBT group, going out to gay clubs, etc). For me when I made the decision to begin the process of coming out, it came down to being able to talk about things and really just being myself without feeling awkward or having to 'hide' behind answers like 'yeah I'll find a girlfriend one day', knowing that this isn't me, and that it will not happen. That said, maybe try to take it slow until you have figured your sexual identity out. Sexual identities can change over time and they are fluid. Try to see what happens when you do think about girls/boys and how strong an attraction you have to girls/boys. I guess maybe for you a simple reason could be to let others know that you are questioning your sexual identity (which is perfectly alright) and perhaps having an avenue to talk to others about it, if you need to talk?
This is a good way to put it. Also, when I told people I just said "I like boys," rather than using a label, because the strength of my attraction to boys could (and often does) change over time. It's not so much coming out as it is more of a, "Hey, heads up, if you catch me with a boy, don't be surprised." For you it could be something similar, telling people as a just-so-you know that you might like girls and not to be surprised if they find you with one.
well i do agree it just that you want to be close to your family and friends but it also lets you know that you are ok with you and the next step is to tell other that just my thought i could be wrong
there are two main reasons I decided to come out. One was just so I could talk about it with friends if I needed to and my family have some warning if I ever brought back a bf; plus, on a side note, it's fun to watch their shocked reactions when I tell them. Second, I believe that so long as there are people who hold it against us, which is just silly, that we have to come out for ourselves and others. This is too show them that we are normal people and because I believe it is harder to spew hate filled, ignorant comments when you know someone specific those comments are directed toward. Once it is no longer socially acceptable to insult someone for his or her sexuality and people accept it without prejudice then coming outs will be a lot less significant.
To me, coming out was something to get beyond. I didn't want to be coy or avoid the question when people asked if I was dating anybody. I didn't want to introduce my boyfriend/partner as my "roommate" or "just a friend". Coming out meant people knew, so I didn't have to do that anymore. That said, you still list yourself as "unsure". I wouldn't necessarily rush to come out while still "unsure", although you might be honest about you being unsure. If that makes any sense. Lex
Speaking as someone who didn't figure themselves out or come out til I was in my mid 30s, I wouldn't worry about coming out if you feel no desire too. You'll eventually get to the point where it will be less painful to come out than it is to stay 'in' (the closet). But you're obviously a long way from that point in time, so don't sweat it!
For me, I didn't want to live a lie anymore. I always tactfully and skillfully ducked and dodged the goddamn question: "Are you gay?" And I hated myself for being gay. What was wrong with me? Why am I gay? I hate gay people! I wish they'd all go away! But it took me a very long to realize why. I already knew I was gay, but the problem was especially linked to butch lesbians and fem men. And the problem was jealousy. I was jealous that they can be who they are naturally and deal with the every day bullshit of homophobia and discrimination and I couldn't. I was just trying to appease others and eventually forgot about what I wanted. Simple as that. It wasn't about gay pride or anything like that. I just wanted my voice to be heard. My real voice. "People shouldn't have to hide who they really are."
Thanks guys. I know it was a sort of strange question, but I thought I would ask? It isn't that I don't ever feel the urge to tell people, and I have told people on result, but I just couldn't pin point the reason. Whatever. This is a good thing, but I think I might not be able to come up with reasons to stay closeted or come out b/c the people around me don't really care that much whether I like girls or guys. Around my friends and family being gay is totally fine and fairly normal. Almost every single guy friend of mine has come out or is questioning. And I can talk to my mom and be like " so dennis made jon heart cookies today. They are so cute!" and it doesn't faze her as strange. And my voice teacher is always telling my girls choir to " bring your boyfriends, your girlfriends, whatever significant other ypu have; jyst bring them!) I am not saying that when I actually try to come out that it isn't difficult at all ( I still stutter and shake uncontrolably) but people are just so cool with it. They might be shock that I am the one liking girls, but it is not a kind of life that they need to learn I accept. I guess I am really lucky.
For me, coming out was strangely not alot to do with "liking boys". It was all about being honest with myself around others. I do things that are...well, not so manly. In my situation, if a man does anything that is generally seen as being womanly, he is looked down on, made fun of, and sometimes even physically abused. I hid behind male stereotypes that were not true to myself. Coming out was more about showing people my true colors. Its not been easy since people have not always re-acted....well, positively...but now that im being honest with who i am in every part of my life, thats one less thing to worry about. Most people only fully come out when they have a good reason to. If your life is decent/good in the closet, there really is no big reason to "come out" to everyone. You may tell the odd person your close to, but to really be OUT out is often too much of an inconvinence when life is fine. And thats not a bad thing. Eventually, you will find a reason. Like lex said (i think) when you start dating maybe that reason will be so you dont have to hide who your girlfriend really is from people. Your reason will hit you when the time comes, dont worry. Its a process, and that means it takes time.
thanks greggers! You're right. I just rush. It is just what I do. I will attempt to chill. It would probably be good for me!
I came out because I fell in Love. When I knew I had found the right girl...nothing else mattered...I wasn't willing to hide anymore....I wanted to yell her name from the rooftops!!! So that was it for me! After I did I was amazed by how much relief and less anxiety I had! I felt so much better about myself! Best of luck! -Jen
I kinda agree with the above i fell in love and got tired of pretending i wasnt in love i sorta felt like i was cheating myself by keep saying "she's just a friend". Plus i didnt like the idea of living a lie i'd much rather be happy than be what people wanted me to be
reason to come out... so i dont have to be misserable and never able to talk how i want or do what i like for fear of others never beeing able to be honest or happy. i know these things so why am i not able to do it. oh well it dont matter if ive.... ive forgotten what i was thinking now oh well cant be important
