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Me and My BF

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MattieLover16, Jun 4, 2009.

  1. MattieLover16

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    Ok, there's a lot to tell about myself. I've known I've been gay for almost 4 years now, but I've never come out to anyone. About two weeks ago, I met a boy in a teen room that lives like an hour from me and his name is Mattie. We seem to have everything in common, and he's so gentle and caring with me. Our dream is to have a long-term relationship and get married. We're already thinking about what kind of house, dog and stuff to have. Are we rushing things too much right now? In the matter of sex, we've both decided that since we love each other, we're going to wait to have sex until we're confident of our love for each other, so that sounds find to me. But all the same, am I doing the right thing by pursuing a relationship with a guy that lives an hour from me?

    Reuben
     
  2. Maddy

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    Welcome to EC!
    Online relationships can definitely work out, but I'm not a fan of rushing into things and talking about marriage this early on in a relationship (online or otherwise). If you've only known each other two weeks, it's way too early to start thinking future. For now, I think it's smartest and safest to enjoy the here and now - there's plenty of time for the domestic dream in the future, and if you leap into serious committment right now, there's nowhere to go in the future.
     
  3. djt820

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    Fuck yes you are. Youre 16. Slow the fuck down. Have you even met this guy in real life?
     
  4. Jose Carioca

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    Whoa...:eek:

    It's not rushing if you are careful. Just make sure you don't put yourself in a dangerous situation!
     
  5. i think that yes, you should slow down. Mainly because you are young, but also because it sounds like you just met the guy, and i would give that advice to anyone. you are young and your imagination can and will get the better of you sometimes :slight_smile: i think its great that you are finding people (like EC!!) and congrats to you. And i think you are smart for thinking about slowing down and not jumping into bed with the guy either. be careful and best of wishes to you!
     
  6. The Enigma

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    You're 16, hopefully he is too. Have you heard his voice at least?

    Beware the Pedobears.
     
  7. Eleanor Rigby

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    Hi Reuben and welcome to EC.
    As the other have said you are still very young and so is your boyfriend and you are together for only two weeks. Things can change very fast at your age. You have been very clever to decide to wait for having sex to be sure of your relationship, that would have bee rushing things too much for me.
    As for talking about your future together, I will play the devil's advocate here because I personnaly think that there is nothing wrong with dreaming a bit. He lives an hour from you (wich is not that far, but as you are both sixteen it will make it difficult for you to meet regularly before a while) so you can't easily do things together, at least you share a dream and it is something already.
    Take care, Eleanor
     
  8. Mirko

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    Hi there and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    As the others have said, you are only 16 years old and who have known one another for only two weeks. Ask yourself, what do you know about him? What does he know about you? Probably not much. As bad as it might sound, but your attraction to him, could very well be based on things that aren't even there. You yourself mentioned that you want to wait with sex until you are 'confident of your love for each other'. It's great that you want to wait, but what does this last part of the sentence tell you?

    It is way too early to talk about a long term relationship and marriage. The dreams that you have right now, might not be the same dreams that you will have a year or two years from now.

    In a previous thread you have talked about your concerns of coming out to family and friends. Do you have friends that are not part of the Christian Baptists Church? Is there a way for you to join a LGBT support or youth group, which could provide you with some support?
     
    #8 Mirko, Jun 5, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2009
  9. paco

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    i agree, it probably is too early, and you're too young and all that blah blah blah. but id advise you to not put yourself through that awkward situation that could occur when you tell him to stop talking about this long future, you can keep talking about it, but keep it light, dont ever feel like any of this is a definitive plan and dont have expectations that it will work out any specific way, maybe joke about it and keep it playful. but legitimately thinking your life through after a couple weeks or even a few months can be a definite relationship killer.
     
  10. sdc91

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    Imagine yourself single.

    Do you know who you are? What you want in life?

    Are you happy?

    If so, then it's fine to be in a relationship. If not, get to know yourself better and build yourself emotionally, physically, etc. If you're in a relationship for the companionship because you NEED it, that's the wrong reason. It will get boring and won't last, and you'll both just end up hurt.
     
  11. Just Adam

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    internet relationships can work fine, but dont rush or plan to far ahead concentrate on the now and you two now dont think about 10 years in the future just think about loving each other in the moment
     
  12. Meropspusillus

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    It's still rushing if you're careful. It doesn't matter whether you're charging a sleeping tiger or a sleeping house cat. It's still charging.

    To the OP. Yes, you're rushing it in my opinion. You're 16, just enjoy your romance in the here and now.
     
  13. Jim1454

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    Welcome to EC. I read the other thread first, and didn't realize that you haven't actually ever met this person before. YOU need to feel comfortable coming out to people for YOU, not for anyone else. Not for a boyfriend or anyone else.

    It would seem to me (as with everyone that has already posted) that you're probably getting a little carried away in terms of plans for the future.

    But - I totally understand. MANY of us here (me included) fell head over heels for the first gay guy that we were able to open up to and talk to about how we felt. We were able to be our 'true' selves with that person - because to everyone else we usually have on a mask to hide the fact that we're gay. (Or at least we did in the beginning.) So to fall hard for that first guy is VERY normal and natural. Many of these crushes are documented here in EC. Mine included.

    In addition, online relationships can only develop so far. If you're not in a position to visit with this person - either because you can't get there, or your parents wouldn't let you, or some other reason, then you might want to stick to being just friends. BUT - be grateful that you've found a friend in someone. They aren't easy to come buy.

    At the same time, hang out here in EC. Share your thoughts and feelings, and wade in on the debates and discussions that we have here. We can all relate in some ways to what you're going through. How alone you've felt. How worried you are about your friends and family finding out. Coming to terms with all of that will make some of these other decisions easier to make.

    Good luck - and again - welcome to EC!

    Just try to keep things in perspective.
     
  14. MattieLover16

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    Wow, you guys are amazing! I never expected so much feedback!!!! You all suggested that I take things slower than what I am right now, and I think that's good. I mean, I guess if I want to make a long term relationship to work with him, I shouldn't take shortcuts with this.
    Thanks for everything. You people are amazing!
     
  15. joeyconnick

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    I think it's totally awesome, normal, natural (and fun) to be super-excited about having someone in your life... but whether you're 16 or 61, talking marriage after 2 weeks is WAAAY too quick. Thinking about it is okay--that's part of being carried away and excited. But yeah, even if I thought the person I was with was the most perfect boy in the world, if he started talking marriage, moving in, or even tossing around the "L" word (love) at week 2, all my spidey sense alarms would go off full blast!

    Being in love is a total balancing act, especially if you're prone to strong emotions in general: you have to let yourself be nearly consumed by it but it's best not to fall off the cliff if you can avoid it.
     
  16. Phantom

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    I'm reminded of that episode of friends where Chandler says something like "Ive had longer relationships with cartons of milk!"

    Seriously though, I'd slow down if I were you.
     
  17. Rorry

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    I think everythings just about been said but anyway-
    Yes you are rushing this alot which as Iv seen in relationships they end fast, If you both have genuine feelings for each other then have a shot at it, but also be carful- If you havn't met him in real life befor be sure to take a friend with you for safty. what ever you choose to do goodluck.