ahhh help.... please

Don't stress too badly. It happens. If your body is rejecting women, then chances are you're gay or not heterosexual.

Relax. It's okay if your family puts that pressure on you, but remember...you can always adopt. There's no reason to have kids. The Earth has an overabundance already. They'll probably croak before then too. May I ask your age?

It's okay not to understand. It takes a very long time to come to terms and understand your body before others can. You can lie as long as you want. Just make sure things are safe for you. You're going through a difficult time and it isn't going to be easy, let me tell you. But truly, it's for the best and it'll only make you a better person in the end.

Welcome to EC. (!)

 

Very old. Be sure to find the appropriate retirement home soon. You're almost ready for the glue factory.

Well, if you can't get hard from a woman, then....you're probably not going to, ever. It means your body does not like women, I think.

I was one of the lucky ones and always knew. I had a girl explain it to me, only because I didn't know being gay was 'wrong'. Go for it. If you want to make this more private, click my picture and head to my Wall and post. I g2g to the gym tho.

TTYL

 

Hey,
Firstly little confused with your terminology
"I've slept with girls" when you say this do you mean you have slept in the same bed or had sex with girls
only ask that because later when you say
"I really wanted get things done cause I know it feels GREAT"
it sounds like you aren't that experienced and putting a lot of pressure on yourself to gain the experience.
Yours answers to this would change how I would respond -
if you are inexperienced even though you have been close to girls, then taking the next step can be very intimidating and cause you to be less than effective and worried about how well you might perform. Honestly you say you aren't really attracted to guys but have had a couple of dreams and looked at gay porn, as I'm sure every hetrosexual guy has. It is your reaction to watching that and the feelings you have when it comes to thinking about guys and girls that is the key, not how you have performed on a couple of occassions - Your performance could have any million of reasons.

"So I will be moving in a bit so Ill just avoid girls till then???"

Why would you choose to avoid girls until you move - Again probably just the way I am reading this but avoiding the oppersite sex because you think you might be gay is all wrong gay or straight you interact with everyone and hiding from the other gender will only make you more worried and self concious about how you are around them.

My only experience with a girl I was very drunk. I actually enjoyed the sex in the moment, but the next day felt sick (Mentally), used and totally disgusted with myself, just generally felt what I had done was wrong.

To sum up, have a think about what flicks your switch girls or guys bodies, thoughts of either - you may not be straight, you may not be gay, you may be Bi - but I think you are putting a lot of stress on yourself about a no performance that probably lead to your last failed performance - cause I bet you were worried about the fact the last time you were about to get lucky and failed this time when you failed.

Hope I make sense, it normally does in my mind before I type it out.

 

uh oh, another one of these stories, i'm sorry its hitting you now, its probably just as hard finding out you're gay as it is growing up knowing. the good news is your brother will probably understand.

by your post it sounds like your sexuality is pretty ambiguous, i mean, based on what you wrote you could be straight, bi, gay or maybe even asexual, you didnt describe liking girls in your original post, just that sex feels good. anyway, dont feel like you're supposed to be anything in particular and dont try to force yourself to like anyone, that just makes things more confusing. just try to think about who you notice as you walk down the street. and if your eyes tend to focus on guys, then so be it.

dont worry about coming out right now, make sure you know what you're coming out as first. and maybe hold off on any relationships until you're more sure of what you want. as for your dad, i worried about the same thing when i told my parents, its not great news to him, but he will get over it; you're still his son. you not having grandchildren wont end his life, and adoption is an option, though my grandpa suggested artificial insemination when i came out lol.

 

I’d like to address only one thing from your post. Worrying about your father having a breakdown. You’re worried about your Dad. While admirable, this isn’t about him. This is about you and your sexuality. Your Dad will get over having two gay sons. If you bottle up these feelings and try to force yourself to something you’re not, you are going to make yourself sick, both physically and emotionally. I’m speaking from experience here. Experiment (safely) with you are, if you find out you’re not gay then go back to being with girls and no one in for family need ever know. If you find out you are gay then you can take it from there.

 

dude dont stress you will figure it out you need to sit down and think what do you feel when you think of guys do you get turned on what do you think about them do you fantasize about guys?

if you were still into women and likes guys you could be bi but from your post you just cant get it up for a woman you know SEX feels good not actually women... so i would say your probably gay but you need to figure that out

as for family theyve no right to put preassure on you your his son and he should love you no matter your sexuality he should love and be proud of the person you are not if your gonna give him children and people are right you can adopt you can have egg doners or surrogate mothers... im also looking well ahead to artificial eggs that are raised and maintained withen an incubative life support system its kinda simple really you just need an artificial egg made of some sort of organic membrane sustained byt the same nutrients and fluids that will be fed to the embryo and kept in a self contained environment that regulates heat and light and is supplied with all the nutrients and relative chems a normal organic system is. you could even used programed nano technology to compnsate for the constant changeing organic factor...so you see there are allways possibilities never feel that you cant be a farther and your a failure you arent your a great person who just needs to find his way in this world like the rest of us

as for why you can get up and now cant itself well many of us have tried living a straight life as its how we are naturally raised and how society sets as the norm and it takes time for the deprograming of our brains to kick in youll be fine just take your time and think who you are

your brother can really help you aswell to you connect well with him how he acts as it can help you figure out how you are also he can be someone to talk about this with and i really suggest you do as it will help him feel less astranged with you as no matter how good you are with each other it is always a boundry and this can overcome it and you can talk about feelings and how you feel to him its good to share your problems and feelings bottleing them up never helps

take care and decide for yourself who you want to be not what others say you should be x

 

Hey dontwana
First of all hello and welcome to EC. Everyone on here without exception is really friendly and the advice is top dollar.

I guess you joined because you want to help find yourself. I'm one of those people that believes that whatever someone's sexuality you dont necessarily need to put a label on it. Sexuality is very fluid and more like a spectrum of colours rather than just black and white.

I think that you have got yourself stuck in a rut here. The first time you didnt perform planted the seed of doubt in your mind and then this added pressure for the next time. The more apprehensive you get the less likely you are to get it up. Its a vicious circle that you are stuck in the middle of. The brain has huge power over the body and viagra is not a cure for that. What I will say to you is that just because you are not getting an erection with some girls, does not mean you are in fact "swinging the other way". You yourself said that you have always liked girls....that sort of thing doesnt just switch itself off. But this does not mean that you dont have a potential attraction to men as well. Speak to a number of the bisexuals on this site and they will tell you all about that.

The questions you have to ask yourself are this:
When you have been with women in the past have you enjoyed it?
When you walk down the street do you check women out, are you attracted to women? (you dont need to get an erection to know you fancy someone)
When you masturbate, are you thinking of women or men?
Are these problems you've been having just with one particular woman...in which case you might not be sexually attracted to this particular woman.

Mate I hope you feel better soon. I know I'm not a bloke, but I have so many guy friends and I can read them like the back of my hand. You just need to relax and dont stress out because that will make it worse. xxxx

 

I agree with Silas. I don't think this has to mean you're gay, but it says that you're not 100% heterosexual.

100% heterosexual meaning someone who will/wants to/needs to have sex with any woman, anywhere, anytime, for any reason. And I don't think that man actually exists.

Attraction and sexuality are tricky things to figure out. My take is that what's happening unconsciously is far more important than what you feel right in front of you. Unfortunately your unconscious stays hidden most of the time, but I think it gives us subtle and murky messages about what's going and they allow us a certain amount of insight into what's happening (but probably rarely 100% clarity).

I think that I actually find the girls who are really gagging for it a bit of a turn off. I think for me, that doesn't work for my unconscious, and while it seems crazy to turn down this amazing opportunity, it doesn't actually feel right. When I've met girls later on who I felt attracted to and had to get to know and work for (so to speak), that felt alot better. I hope that you get the chance to maybe meet a girl who's a bit less fast-lane, and that you can see what happens for you in that situation. It sounds like a truer test of your sexuality.

Everyone here will tell you not to stress and not to label yourself. If you ever figure out how to do that, please let me know because I haven't got a clue

 

That's probably the best advice here. It'll give you the clearest idea of what you are attracted to. If you're masterbating and you keep seeing man bits rather than lady lumps, then that should give you some sort of idea.

 

I don't mind you asking at all! Welcome to EC. That's what this site is all about.

Everyone's story is different of course. I wasn't sexually active until I was about your current age. I always assumed that I was straight (i.e. that I was "normal") and was into straight porn growing up. That is until I came across some gay porn when I was around 20, and found it to be quite stimulating. :icon_wink But I carried on with the assumption that I was straight. I was introduced to a great woman, we hit it off, got married, had a couple of kids - I had no issues other than I wasn't really happy and didn't understand why.

Well - I was gay. Doh! :eusa_doh: That's why I wasn't happy.

How did I manage that? Well - society sets us up to assume that we're straight, and that we'll get married and have kids, because obviously that's what our parents did. And to many young males, sex is sex. I liked it with my wife. I just later found that I liked it MORE with another man.

HOWEVER - as has already been said - this might have nothing to do with your issues at the moment. After one or two problems with 'performance' just the stress of worrying about it again can cause the problem. So don't assume you're necessarily gay.

But you came to this site, so I'm assuming there's something there that you're suspecting. And you don't have t leap to any conclusions. It took me til I was in my mid 30s to figure it out for myself. But considering the possibility that you're gay isn't a bad thing to do. I wish I had thought seriously about it when I was your age. (But then again, I don't really wish that. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way...)

 

Lol Well, I see how it is. I've only come across a handful of those...although the truth is many women are just as horny as men but our American culture has deemed those who want to be adventurous and be physical whores, sluts, tramps, and other derogatory terms.

While men can be the same and be applauded, awarded, and become popular for it.

Equal much?

Being gay, I think I've been able to see women's more sexual side. They express it at least to me a bit...probably because we're both, as you say, gagging for the same man.