I was hoping that someone could help me out on this one.... How do I know where I fit on the whole straight-bi-gay continuum? I know I am not the most patient person on the planet and I also know that this is going to take a lot of time. My T tells me every week to take it slow, don't expect to know anything for awhile, enjoy the process, etc. etc. and I am really enjoying learning about myself but seriously..... how the hell do I know if I'm bi or gay or just really confused and straight? :wacky I know I am attracted to women. I've accepted this as a fact. But..... I've spent such a long time not really socializing with guys (with a few exceptions) that I don't know anything about men except that I usually feel really awkward and uneasy around the vast majority of guys. And although I had one fairly sexual "fling" with a guy, honestly... the main thing that I found attractive was the fact that he found me attractive. I like being wanted. I think after all this, too, I'm really scared that I'll find out I'm straight ... because then it seems like I just made up all these feelings and stuff. I am sososososo confused right now. How do I know who I am??
Hmm, i went through doubts when i came out. I just blamed it on serious paranoia. Very few people are fully straight or fully gay so chances are you're not either ;o. The thing is, it's difficult for anything to tell you that you *aren't* attracted a sex, but it's comparitively easy to know whether you *are* attracted to a sex. Sorry if that makes no sense
Hey,Harve? Where did you hear that very few people are fully straight or fully gay? I'm just curious. Most people I know,are fully straight or fully gay. I KNOW I'm 100% lesbian,so I was just wondering about your info.
At the moment I am going through the exact same thing. I literally wrote a post that is almost word for word yours. I know it can be difficult, but it is also very interesting. I try to focus on how interesting it is rather than confusing to keep myself sane. It does help some. I think when we meet the right people hopefully it will just click and it won't matter if it is a guy or a girl. It will just be that wonderful person! Good luck with it all!
i just say take it one day at a time i still like guys but i like girls and i am finding everyday im leaning towards girls as i feel mor ok with myself i just have learned to take this slow and except that im not all the way there so give it time it will come to you soon when you stop fighting it good luck to you
fact is you need to figure this out, you need to think do i just like beeing wanted by guys or do you like what a guy does with you when he wants you? as for labels forget them they are irrelevent unless you put them on yourself. you love who you love and thats that and you can be attracted to one sex or the other or both. you may realise you like both men and women but slightly prefer women thats fine and dont worry and stress out about feelings and what to think take a deep breath and relax this is a manic time for everyone that comes to terms with themselves i myself went into denial and tried many failed relationships but realised i was overkilling the situation. just take your time youll figure things out, sexuality in the long run jsut aint that big a deal it wont define you unless you let it
That was probably referring to Kinsey and his studies/findings... To the OP, This is going to make me sound crazy, but instead of daydreaming, I always imagine myself in a situation where I have to explain myself to someone else. I have actually learnt a huge amount about myself by doing that, it's rather weird. That is how I came to the uncertain possible conclusion that I am a gay girl with a splash of gay guy and a pinch of straight guy thrown in. It takes a long time, I first stared questioning 2.5 years ago and still haven't stopped. It's a very individual process, you have to delve into you... I hope it goes well for you!
Id say for me at first the more I tried to figure it out and rush into trying to make a decision the more confused I got and the more I just wanted to cover it up and ignore it. It helped me to just hang around EC for a bit and get to frrl comfortable with the possibility of being bi or gay. Then once id spoken to lots of people I found it easier to decide what I really liked. But the truth of the matter and something one of my friends helped me with is that even if you come to a decision about being bi or gay, you can still change your mind further down the line. If you come out as gay and then fall for a guy its ok. Hope that makes sense. If you want to chat you can alwayss post on my wall.
Hi there! Welcome to EC! I'm glad you joined. Hope EC will help you a bit in your journey to figure things out. In trying to figure things out, and as it was said above, take it slow. There is really no rush. Follow what feels right for you. Try to explore your feelings, and try to take a note of what happens within you when you see girls or guys on the street, or in malls. When you see a girl or guy walking down the street do you check that person out? Do you do this more often with girls than with guys or vice versa. All of this could help you in figuring things out as they provide you with small clues. That said, you mentioned that you are attracted to girls and have accepted it. Having had a 'fling' with a guy doesn't necessarily mean anything. I know it is hard not to get too focused on one event or one 'fling' but try to look at the whole picture. Try to look at all the clues, and the fact that you have accepted that you might not be straight. Even after all of this it turns out that you are straight, or are falling far more for guys than girls, because lets face it, no one is 100% straight (even if some don't want to admit it), that's okay. In going through this difficult journey in trying to figure your sexual identity out, and putting all the pieces together, and no matter how it ends, you will still have learned things about yourself that will help you during the rest of your life. What might help you is to talk with someone about your feelings. If you have the chance maybe try seeing a counselor at school or in your community to talk about it. Another thing you could do, is perhaps try finding a LGBT youth support group either at school or within your community. You don't have to necessarily attend any meetings, but maybe you can call and talk to someone. There are also toll free LGBT youth help lines that you could try out. Talking with others could help you in understanding your feelings better. Also, stick around on EC. Try talking to some of the members here as well. I hope this helps a bit!
My only advice...and it's not really advice you can do much with....is that I think life tends to show us our path, and while you can put the brakes on or the gas, you can't change the direction you go in. What does the road ahead look like right now? And then ask yourself again next week. Next month and then next year. And the year after that... I agree with the idea that sexuality can be pretty fluid, wether you go from liking girls to guys and then back again, or liking your current partner, to not, to marrying them. All anyone can really say is what's happening for them at a point in time, so I'd try and get the best handle on that that you can, and then maybe start looking at where your path has led along the way, rather than where it's going to end up.
Wow, everyone, thanks for the replies! I will try to address as much of what you've all said as possible. In response to Just Adam, I have a question. Do guys and girls do things differently? You wrote you need to think do i just like beeing wanted by guys or do you like what a guy does with you when he wants you? Now, honestly, I guess as far as penises go I can take 'em or leave them. We didn't have sex so I don't know how I would really feel about that.... but I know where I like to be touched and how I like to be touched and I guess, well, couldn't a woman do that as well? I imagine myself to be more comfortable around a woman's body, but I don't really know. Honestly, that has been the extent of my sexual/coupled romances. Some drunk guy hooked up with me against my will last fall...but yeah... that's it. I feel so inexperienced! Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I guess the big thing is just time. In response to Asteroid, I guess I should share that I've been in therapy for just over two years now because I have an eating disorder. Right now I am sure I'm on my way to healing though-- the last few months I haven't been using any behaviors and I'm doing really well and am REALLY happy with everything. This is kind of why I'm having all these sexuality thoughts-- my brain spent so much time focusing on self-hatred and food and my body and now .... it's not! So now I feel like I'm finally on the road to finding out who I am. Next Tuesday I am going to an under-twenty one support meeting after my therapy appointment. I'm lying to my parents and am telling them I'm meeting a friend for dinner/movies after so I'm going to go and meet other people.
Hi there - and welcome to EC. I think many of us have been where you are now - in some respects. Just the fact that you're questioning this I think suggests that you're not straight. I don't think the general population has periods where they question whether or not they're gay. They go with the flow (i.e. date the opposite sex) and find nothing objectionable or uncomfortable about it. They want to date the opposite sex. Thankfully I've (finally) arrived at the place I was meant to be. I have a boyfriend and consider myself to be gay. When I read the flyers on Saturday morning, I really couldn't care less about the women's underwear ads, but I definitely linger on the guys wearing the Calvins...
Jim I'm so glad you're somewhere comfortable right now! I think you're right--the fact that I am questioning probably means I'm not straight, but.... I don't know sometimes. Sometimes I fear that all this potential-gayness is just something I made up for god-knows-why .... like.... I'm just hoping, hoping, hoping that I'm in the process of discovering who I really am.... and this isn't just a phase or something. AHHH SO FRUSTRATING!
Hi there! I think it's awesome that you have made real progress and are doing much better. Way to go! As you said, now that you are on your way to overcoming your eating disorder, you are allowing yourself to think about other things in your life to. It's good that you are trying to figure out who you are. It can be hard and an emotional journey, but you have already some support and are building your support network. By going to the support meeting, you are starting to build your support network that can and most likely will help you to deal with your feelings/emotions better. Meeting others and being able to talk about experiences can really help. The 'what if' questions are normal and in some ways allow you to explore your feelings better. Don't be afraid to ask questions during the support meeting. Maybe if you see someone that would be good to talk to, approach him/her and ask if he/she would be willing to meet with you to talk about experiences.
