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Should I forget about him?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ANightDude, Jun 6, 2009.

  1. ANightDude

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    I really need help.

    So, through friends, I met this guy, for the sake of privacy, let's call him Ted. So, me and Ted talked a good amount for a few days, oh, and he's gay. But he has a boyfriend. Anyways, we talked and whatnot, and became sort of friends over the last week. But this is the weird thing. I started talking to him, and it was strange. For the first time ever, with all the guys in my past, there was a very, very, very strange connection. I can't explain it, but he made me feel different. It was really weird. I talked to a close friend about it, and she said to forget about him. That love is life long and it was only a spark, and just enjoy the ride. So, I took that advice, and it worked... slightly.

    I just can't stop thinking about him. I don't know what to do. I have never felt this way about a guy before. We talk a good amount, but the friendship is new, and I don't want to ruin anything. I want him as a friend, but I don't know if I can because of these feelings. And it's not a lustful kind of feeling, it's just a... I don't know how to explain it. I really want to forget about him and move on, which may be my best bet, but at the same time as much as I want to and try, I can't.

    What should I do? Any kind of help would be good.
     
  2. Zak

    Zak
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    Well, I had one of these problems a few weeks ago. It is hard, but the really only answer is to forget about him. Try to focus on something else. Believe me, it is hard, but you can do it. Other guys will come along in the future. No rush.

    -Zak
     
  3. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Is he straight or heteroflexible?

    And there's nothing wrong with you. That's a genuine crush.

    I wouldn't forget about him, but I'd definitely watch my body language and emotions around him. I love to be around people like that. Coincidentally, I feel the same way with all my straight guy friends. Lol I'm so doomed too.
     
  4. ANightDude

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    He's gay.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! It's tough when you fall for someone that makes you feel good and have connection with. We have all been there at some point in our lives. I don't think you have to necessarily end the new friendship. What you could try doing though is spending more time with your other friends so that your mind keeps working on processing other thoughts. Try to keep distracted and maybe try to limit your interaction with him. The good thing is, your friendship with him is new, and it is perfectly alright to take it slow.

    As you get to know him better in the coming weeks and months, some of your (initial) feelings for him might change too. The more we get to know people, we start seeing different sides to them. We start learning things about them, that let us take a step back and see them with a bit more perspective.

    When you do talk with him, keep in mind, he has a boyfriend and the chances of something happening are slim. Reminding yourself of that and trying to built in some distance could help you to see him 'just' as a friend. If you see though that it is too difficult than maybe just move on by distancing completely from him. But hopefully you will not have to do that.

    I hope this helps a bit.
     
  6. Jim1454

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    Is this the first gay guy you've had the opportunity to develop a close relationship with? That was certainly what happened with me and the first gay guy I was able to confide in. I had a huge "love is blind" crush on him. As Asteroid says above, in time I came to realize that he really wasn't 'THE' guy for me and I moved on.

    I have subsequently found 'THE' guy for me - and it's less intense at the beginning but instead just keeps getting better and better over time.