Alright, so I sent this message to the guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks. But now I'm not so sure it was a good idea. He hasn't replied yet, and I have no idea what he's going to say. But I'm really scared of sounding like a clingy bitch and I don't want him to think that's what I am, cause I'm really not. Idonno, what do you guys think? Am I out of line? Hey-O How is you doing? And don't say 'fine' or 'good', That ain't good enough. I'm gonna tell you how I'm actually doing... but that's not something that I do very often. I have no idea how long this is going to be, so beware. I finished reading 'Boy Meets Boy' today, and I think that it was a really good story, even though it was less than 200 pages. It made me happy Cause it was a happily ending story. But it also made me want to be more open and trusting.. which is what I'm gonna try to do. I was thinking of calling you but I don't really feel welcome to do that. ANYWAYS! I guess what I want is a really open and honest relationship that I feel safe in.. if that makes sense. And I know we're not really in an actual relationship.. so I guess that's for future reference, hopefully xD I actually really miss you.. and I really hate it, like I hate how it feels.. it makes me wanna curl up into nothing, or cry, or something. I'm walking around like a dead person, and that hasn't happened since I liked Francois, except that he only ever showed me affection once (and that was the happiest I ever was the entire time I was wasting my time with) but he mostly just made me feel like I wasn't important to him at all and I was just this little thing on the side that he made time for once in a while. And he never asked me to hang out, so I felt like he never really wanted to hang out (which I guess he didn't) and these are all reasons why I had to force myself to stop liking him cause I had this image in my head of who I wanted him to be and I replaced the actual guy with my fantasy and I just realized that I was doing something really stupid but it still took me a while to get over him cause I made myself believe that he liked me back and was really sweet and caring when he is really none of those things. And now you get to see what a sap I am xD I'm really bad at reading people, which is probably why I always feel like I'm saying the wrong stuff. And you say that you miss me, and I donno if you're just saying that to try and make me feel wanted or something? But it definitely doesn't feel like you miss me. And you like me enough to kiss me, and cuddle me + a little bit more, but I could be wrong cause that seems to be what all gay people do. And you said you'd keep me posted about this morning but then you never txted again until like 12. And last Sunday when you asked me to come out and then it was only like 20 minutes. But you kept pulling away to txt that guy. And then I was back home. That's what I say getting ditched is. I didn't realize that that actually hurt until I was lying in bed forever on Wednesday. I'm not angry at you, or trying to blame you for anything. And I'm not trying to be bitchy or possessive or something.. I'm just telling you how I feel and why i think I feel what I'm feeling.
Well, I don't know what the state of your 'relationship' is, but I will say that it doesn't sound like you are a clingy bitch. You are being open and saying that you want to know if he really wants to spend time with you or not, beyond a little cuddling+. If there's gonna be a real relationship between the two of you, there needs to be some communication, and it sounds like you've tried to start it here (but you feel unwelcome to phone him? - not a good sign). If you don't get a response, or a positive one, then accept the fact that he's not wanting to have an open, honest relationship. And you can move on.
In any relationship, trust and openness is something that develops over time. People who put it all out there right at the start can sometimes scare other people away. I'm not saying you've done that in this case, but if I'm reading your post correctly, you're saying that you are not officially in a relationship with this person yet (I'm guessing you're friends and getting to know one another) and yet you went into a lot of detail about your old boyfriend and how that relationship made you feel, and then you're talking about how much you miss this person and how you're "walking around like a dead person." That does sound to me like you're already really invested in this person, and while you can't change how you feel, sometimes when you express this level of investment this early in a relationship, it may have the effect of scaring the other person away because they don't yet have the same level of investment in the relationship. I wouldn't make any assumptions just because he hasn't responded in a day, but if it goes several days, and that's not his pattern, then you may spooked him some. One other thought: You say that you aren't a clingy person, yet your post implies that you were in a relationship before, with Francois, that was very imbalanced; Francois showed you little or no attention, never wanted to hang out with you, yet you acted like you were in a serious relationship with him. I'm conjecturing based on very little information and so could be completely wrong, but it sounds like you might have a tendency to exaggerate the nature of your relationships and put too much of an expectation on the other person too quickly; and that is what most people would describe as "clingy." (Most people who are "clingy" don't realize it and have difficulty admitting it.) So if (big "if") that interpretation does sit well with you, then you'll need to work on what it is that is making you feel like you *have* to attach to these people so quickly, because it's likely that's at least part of what's causing the issue. If you find that you need to be in a relationship in order to be happy, then that's something you may want to spend time exploring within yourself, because then you're transferring your own happiness onto someone else's opinion or value of yourself, and that isn't healthy. You will feel best when you're in a place where you can love yourself, and be happy with who you are, whether or not you're in a relationship. Once you reach that point, then the people you will seek out will be there to enrich your life and make it more full, not to validate that you're a good person. Does any of that make sense? Does it seem like it fits for you?
Well, I guess I didn't make it clear cause we all know each other in real life, but I was never dating Francois. I just had a crush on him, for a very long time. And he's straight. So it was just a friendship but I wanted it to be more, but I never told him that cause I didn't want to scare him, and any romantic bits with him were always made-up. So the person I'm writing this to in named Chad, and he knows all that already. I sent him this message because I haven't seen him in about a week, even though he lives like a 5 minute drive away. I know he's really busy, cause he's got work, and family and other social stuff, and he's planning on traveling in September. BUT he keeps telling me he misses me, and I miss him. I don't know how most people feel when they miss somebody, and I don't usually miss people, I'm actually rather surprised that I do miss him, so I guess that means I actually like him. Anyways, if I was in his position and missed the person that is in my position I would make time for them, cause if you miss somebody you should be wanting to see them. I wouldn't say I'm overly attached to him. The way my mind works is that if he's having all the feelings that he says he is then why isn't he trying to see me?
One of the more painful lessons I learned a while back (and still have to relearn occasionally) is that actions speak louder than words. Or, put another way, talk is cheap. When somebody says "Oh, I really want to be your friend / hang out with you / spend time with you" but does nothing about it, what they really mean is "I want to do this, but I haven't made it enough of a priority to find time to do it," which, loosely translated means "You aren't important enough right now." Now... depending on what's going on for that person, it could be a legitimately correct statement; people go through periods, like students preparing for semester exams, where there's literally not enough time in the day to get done the minimum, let alone anything else. But if that isn't the case, then, for better or worse, it just isn't a priority. And... "missing" someone is NOT the same as being willing to make time for them. You can miss somebody without making it a priority to fit them into your schedule. Rereading both messages again, you're saying that you've been seeing this guy for two weeks, but he's been unavailable to see you for the last week, and the last time he did see you, it was for 20 minutes, during which time he was texting another boy. And you also say that you knew that Francois was straight, yet you were trying to convince yourself that he liked you back in the same way you liked him. I'm not trying to be harsh, but looking at your original message in the context of the clarification, I would still infer that perhaps you might have a tendency to invest yourself in people that are emotionally unavailable to you. That's not an uncommon thing for people who are, at some level, afraid of being really emotionally close to people; while the conscious might very much want a relationship and want to be close, unconscious might have no interest whatsoever, and so unconscious ensures that conscious picks somebody who is emotionally distant, uninterested, or otherwise unavailable, thereby ensuring that the emotional closeness that unconscious fears won't happen. The crappy part about it is, consciously, people experiencing this sort of situations really want to be in a relationship which they are unconsciously afraid of, so until they get conscious and unconscious on the same page, having healthy relationships isn't very likely. I could be interpreting or inferring way too much here; there isn't nearly enough background to do anything other than conjecture, but my guess is that there's at least a germ of truth here. Perhaps you give some thought to what I'm suggesting and just see if, after you think about it, any of it resonates with you.
