A while back I came out to my friend. I think she's really hurting now because of it, but she won't speak to me about it. Here's the story. We've been best friends for 11 years, right from the first day of kindergarten. We've always been really close and we are important parts of each others support system. Thing is, our closeness has led to some other stuff over the years. We've unofficially been penned as the friends that are meant to be more, the ones who are supposed to be together. We dated for a while and it didn't work out (because of my actions at the time), but our bond actually only strengthened as the relationship ended. The friendship stayed strong and so did the unofficial title that's been placed upon us. I came out to her a few months ago and she was amazingly supportive from the moment I told her, but I began to feel a distance between us. Some kind of unspoken awkwardness. We drifted apart for a while but we came back together recently and we've been hanging out more, but there is definitely still something lingering in the air. She's been quoting a lot of depressing things in her MSN name about relationships but I tried not to think too much of it. Today's name I just cannot ignore though. "Sometimes I wish you would just say It was all a lie so that I can stop waiting for you." .. o_o Could it be about me? I don't want to come off as self-centered, but the recent newfound interest in me and now the names about waiting and love (there have been a few).. I can't help but hear the little voice in the back of my head telling me that it could be me she is speaking of. If it is I would feel just so horrible that I made her feel like this, and at the same time think that maybe I could make it work with her? I mean I have been sorta' doubting my sexuality again lately, and I know I have very strong feelings for her.. and it's just so UGHH. :bang:
that sounds really tough. is there any other guy in her life that you know about that she's had a crush on recently? if there really is no one else, you should ask her about it. try bringing up your sexuality and asking her if it bothers her, go slow, but do it soon, because I don't think you want to loose her.
>>>I don't want to come off as self-centered... Frankly, you kinda did. I mean, your best friend of eleven years sounds like she's going through a rough time right now. The proper response of a best friend shouldn't be "it isn't me, is it?" The proper response of a best friend is "What can I do to help her?" So go talk to her, already. Preferably on the phone or in person. Tell her you've sensed some distance, and noticed her rather downcast MSN quotes. Ask if anything is wrong, if there's anything you can do, and offer to be a listening ear if that's what she needs. Lex
There is no one else, and hasn't been for a couple of years. I'm going to try to ask her about the quote tomorrow if she still has it up, and see if there is maybe some way to lightly bring up my sexuality, because we have yet to really discuss it any further than "how/when did you know" Wow, in retrospect I see that I really did come off very self-centered. I feel bad now, I really should be focusing more on whats bothering her than whether or not its about me. As friends we are notoriously known for knowing everything about each but never talking about any of it, we've always sorta' had this silent agreement about leaving the tough topics out of conversation if we can. I really do want to help her, I can't stand to see her hurting about something.
I'd say it's time to change that, then. Things tend not to get better of their own accord. We usually need to talk about them, or do something about them. Lex
If you want to help her, you have to talk about these things you don't talk about. Beign friends is not only about fun and random conversations, it's also about beign here for each other during tought time, about talking about these unspoken things to be able to clarify the situation, it's about having fights sometimes but beign able to forgive, it's about facing the pain together instead of pretending it's not here, it's about crying in each others arms when there is nothing else you can do. Take care, and take care of your friend, Eleanor
I totally agree. You are the one who can help her, try to tell her you'll always be there for her, at least you can offer a close friendship.
