I came out this easter, telling my family that I'm gay. Sister was ok, dad was silent, asked questions but hasn't mentioned it since. Mom is not. Mom is vocal and everytime I go out of the house, asks if I'm going to "fuck a lot of girls" or "do whatever you homos do". I've put up with this for a while. The only reason I live at "home" with parents is that I can't save enough money for school and such otherwise. I have one year left of school(thankfully) but I don't know how to deal with this homophobia otherwise. I've asked her to please respect me since it's not a choice or at least keep her lips shut but she thinks I"m being disrespectful. I left a book on questions family might ask about LGBT issues and its answered by a gay author but she doesn't seem to get it. She vents all her homophobia and issues onto me, rather than a therapist. Please, does anyone have any suggestions? If you've gone through this or know someone going through this, please send advice my way. It's appreciated.
I'm sorry to hear about that =( Maybe you could talk to your father? And have him talk to your mother? Or you could always talk to her directly, and ask her if she could treat you like her daughter. Tell her that you're still her daughter, the same exact girl you were before your coming out. If nothing works, then hold onto the thought of you moving away from there, you'll be out soon enough (*hugs*). But I doubt it will happen, your mother will change her mind one day or another.
You have done almost everything you can do so far One thing though is you have to give her ALOT of time. Some parents take years to accept it, just like some gay people take years to accept there sexuality. Its really a time thing in alot of cases. You can try and speed up the process, but you have checked alot of those boxes already. Giving her reading and video materal on the subject is a great way to help, as long as shes not so negative on the subject she wont even open up her mind to them. You can give her more "talks", but it seems like you already have. Just stress the hurt you feel from her words and actions and that you dont want her to view you as "gay" but to view you as yourself, with gay as a sidedish not a main course. Having other pro-LGBT family members sit her down and talk to her could also help. If she hears these things from another straight person she trusts, that will be more convincing perhaps? Other than that, i dont really know what to say You have done alot already by the looks of it. Maybe if you give some more info as to why (religous, un-natural, ect.) she is being homophobic we can help more? (*hug*) Good lucky though, honey! And just remember you wont be living with her forever.
I'm sorry you have to get through this. It seems to me that you have already done all that you could. Be patient. Maybe you could ask to your sister to back you up a bit. When my brother or I had troubles with our parents, we always put a united front. I don't know what else to say that could help right now. (*hug*) Take care, Eleanor
Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that your mum has a hard time accepting your for who you are. (*hug*) At times parents have a hard time with it because their world the way they knew it is broken. The dreams that they had will not come true. But always remember, it is your mum's dreams not yours. It could very well be that this a coping mechanism for your mum, i.e. being angry and simply saying things without processing them first. I hope that with time your mum will realize that you haven't changed and that you are still the same person and that she will come around to it. It could very well take some time but hopefully she will realize that you are just being yourself and wanting to be 'honest' and sharing a part of your life with them rather than hiding from it. I think giving your mum some reading material is good. Not sure which book you have given her but there is another book, Now that you know, which you could also give her to read. I think you can get it at most Chapters bookstores. Given that your sister was okay, maybe you could ask your sister to help you a bit in talking to your mum. Do you think your dad could be supportive in that too? Maybe give your mum a bit more time. The other thing you could try is to suggest your mum to join a meeting of the local PFLAG group. Alterantively, you could call the local PFLAG chapter and ask someone if they would be willing to talk to your mum? Also, pm Becky, who might also have a few other ideas as to what you could try. I hope this helps a bit!
I'm sorry to hear about your mum treating you like that. Mine still does it in some ways, and it's been 2 1/2 years since I told her I like girls. She still asks if almost every one of my friends is gay, and if I'm dating them/like them, etc, as if I'm a slut. It's hard to hear over and over again, but, you can't really do anything unless she's willing to accept you for who you are, and that takes time. You seem to have done everything you can. But perhaps try getting your dad, or a pro-LGBT family member to talk to your mum, and see how that works. I hope it all works out for the better for you!!
I've noticed women seem to have a harder time with parents than men. Anyone else notice this? Maybe parents have higher expectations of women. But it sounds like you need to be a little bit more direct with her? Or have your father intervene on your behalf? Asking her to respect you as a person is the best you can do aside from informing her of the truth of homosexuality via pamphlets. But if it were me, (and I know not everyone would agree) I'd argue my point. "I'm a real damn person, please stop treating me like shit you ignorant bigot." Something along those lines. She's not going to stop until she realizes how damaging she's being.
Does your mom have any trusted friends or relatives that are okay with you that maybe could talk to your Mom? I think I'd try that. More reading material is good but something tells me she's too stubborn to open her mind to it.