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Your Thoughts on Coming Out on Facebook

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Glunn11, Jun 9, 2009.

  1. Glunn11

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    Hello again, EC.

    I find myself getting very, very agitated. This community has definitely helped me see that there are so many friendly LGBT/allies out there, and I just want to become an active participant in it. I am just so aggravated. I don't know how much longer I can just ignore talking about the problem in general and have everyone assume I'm straight in real life. I just don't feel strong enough to actually defend myself if I were confronted about it in a negative way.

    I want to make sure that I don't do any dangerously permanent damage to myself or harm the ease of my friend getting out. I am strongly considering changing my Facebook status to Interested in men. I have no relatives on Facebook, and simply just don't want my parents to know. I know the strong friends I have would completely back me up at school. I don't have a very good relationship with either of my parents. My mom still treats me like a little child, and I just butt heads with my dad. I doubt either of them would take the news well. I do have a lesbian aunt who so happens to be my favorite relative, and my mom's family has grown to love her equally, though.

    I am just extremely confused and could use any guidance in this situation that I can get. Thanks again for being here.
     
  2. -Michael-

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    Facebook and myspace was how i came out to the public.

    But i made sure i had me foundations.

    My best friends knew, as did their families so i could always fall back on them.

    I came out after a school break, so i wouldn't be the talk of the school.
    I'd be a reminder of what happend 2 months back.

    I told my dad soon after.
    but i think going to your aunt is a great idea.

    She might give you advie on how to deal with your mom.
    :slight_smile:

    Good luck
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I think that's a question that has to be answered by each person for themselves based on their own situation. However, I know a number of people who have come out to all but their closest friends (who they told beforehand) by changing their status on facebook.

    Of those I know that have done so, I've never heard anyone say that it wasn't a good thing. It allows those who might be surprised to get over their shock (without you in the room) before they say something about it, and it allows those who are openly supportive (or who may have suspected) an opportunity to let you know they support you.

    The only downside is if there are any people you don't want to know, and the faint possibility that somehow your parents will find out (a friend of theirs who has a facebook and happens to search you out or something.) But... if that happens, it just saves you the grief of having to plan for telling those people and make a big production about it. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Words

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    Don't expect any major outbursts of "OMG YOU'RE GAY?!" :wink:

    When I changed mine (on impulse after watching MILK) pretty much noone noticed. And if they did they didn't mention it - or at least not to me. Perhaps because I was already out to a lot of the people who would notice/care.

    I've only heard one thing about it after a couple months. My friend who already knew told me that his ex girlfriend noticed it and asked him if it were true - he confirmed. :slight_smile: I haevn't even met her in real life.

    Of course it could be different for you, depending on the kind of people you have on there and how many you're out to.

    If you want to make a bigger deal out of it and make sure everybody sees, post a status update. Otherwise, if you want it to be something that was sorta "always there" (as it really is) then sure, that's the perfect approach. It's also a simple way of making it known to new people you meet, since people tend to look at your profile when you add them. Overall, I think it's a good idea if you're already out to the important people, as they can support you regardless.

    I'm pretty sure it doesn't show any notifications/news feed entries. I know mine did not for sure. I have "remove profile info" unchecked in my news feed privacy settings - but I don't think that covers it anyway. I think it just doesn't show up period.
     
  5. Glunn11

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    Thanks to everyone for your extremely well-thought-out replies. I think it'd be a great idea to hit up my aunt and see what input she may have for my situation -- I'll definitely give that a shot. The more help I can get, the better.

    I feel a little more relaxed now. I just get very moody about it throughout the day. I just want to stop the cycle and just be happy about this. I would even love to explore the idea of counseling if it weren't for the fact that a) Most of the counselors around here probably would try to cure the gay and b) My parents had to be involved in the process.

    But, hopefully I can get it figured out with a combination of friends, you guys, and some deep thought on my part. I feel so ungrounded. I think I'll confront these feelings first before I consider doing anything public.

    Any more advice or simple encouragement is always welcome. Thanks again. :slight_smile:
     
  6. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Just be ready to encounter those "Are you gay?" questions. It took me a little while to deal with them. When I first got them, I totally blanked. It was as if I couldn't calculate it. Like, if you asked me a quantum physics question. On Facebook, it's a lot harder to see and sort people by their classifications than it is on Myspace, so most people adding you probably already know you.

    Have you seen the movie, For the Bible Tells Me So?
     
  7. Glunn11

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    Ah, I usually ignore those, but hopefully I can stop. And no, I have not seen that movie. What's it about?
     
  8. Peter

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    "For the Bible tells me so" is a debunking of the anti-Gay Christian attitude (see http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0912583/)
    If you come out on the internet - whether Facebook or other - just remember that this is available to everyone and your parents may find out trough someone else. Do they deserve to be told about this personally rather than finding out from someone who may no be sympathetic to you or them?
     
  9. Alexander

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    I think coming out over facebook or myspace is a great idea, if you're already out to EVERYONE who you really need to know (friends, siblings, parents, etc...). Don't use facebook to out yourself to your parents, seriously! Tell all the important people so you don't make anyone think they were neglected. :]
     
  10. Kaim

    Kaim Guest

    I would say go for it. I initially came out on Myspace through a blog entry I wrote because I was really ticked off in school, so I decided to let it out. I figured that since I don't see the people I have listed as 'friends' on Myspace much, putting it out there would give time for it to sink in so that it'd be easier to approach them. With the people that found out through that, I really didn't get any negative-ish responses.

    As for Facebook, when I put "Interested in Men" on my profile, no one really seemed to notice until I started to tell people myself I'm gay. Of course it probably varies from person to person. If you're really well known then you might encounter some annoyances, since I kept a somewhat low profile in school and such.

    Of course, don't do it unless you're absolutely sure about it. It is kind of a risk to do this, but in the end I think you'll feel better off after doing it, since you'll be honest with yourself and with those that see your status. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Glunn11

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    Thank you. It sounds like a really good idea. I'm currently working on an e-mail to my aunt to get the ball rolling. :slight_smile: