Is it really that hard for gay guys to be friends with one another??? All I want is one gay best friend that I do find attractive, nothing sexual, just someone I can talk to and be friends with, but I keep getting shot down for friendship??? Shot down and passed over for friendship??? What's that about??? Really? How hard is this?!!! I'm so disheartened, disappointed and frustrated! I don't know what to do anymore! :icon_sad:
Well a lot of gay guys are self-centered, selfish and arrogant. Especially at our age (20-27ish). The college guys I've come across are not exactly friend material to me. The only few I have met that are exceptions are pot heads or drug addict sex fiends. I know it's hard but keep looking. Maybe finding a Lesbian friend would be better. I'm sure they'll know other gay guys and you could meet new friends through them? Or perhaps you're looking in the wrong places? Clubs and Bars are not the best places.
It's easy to make gay friends if you join a local group. Although I think I came on too strong to one and he thinks I want to date him... he is really cute, but I'd rather just be friends (for now).
I talk to a lot of gay guys in their late teens and early 20s and I hear this comment echoed a lot. As The Enigma said, there really are a ton of very self-involved, selfish gay guys out there who are really only interested in sex, and there are also a lot of gay guys who are, quite simply, really shallow and don't seem to know how to, or be able to, connect on a deep level. Part of it is self esteem; gay guys, particularly teens and young adults, tend to have more esteem issues than our straight counterparts, because in addition to ordinary teen angst, we have the additional baggage associated with hearing put-downs about our identity, having to hide who we are, and all sorts of other things that create shame and lower esteem. That results in insecurity and fear, which can manifest in many ways, but the one that I think is the issue here is a fear of being open and honest with people, for fear of being "shot down" or further ridiculed. So... by keeping things on the surface, having casual, meaningless sexual encounters, or even relationships that are very shallow and tend to be focused on sex and "love" that isn't very deep, gay men (particulary teens and young adults) can protect themselves. Now... if you look in more unusual places, like gay youth centers, college classes, and other places where you're likely to find intelligent and self-aware (or at least self-exploring) people, you're more likely to find people who will be open to genuine friendship without any strings or expectations attached.
Hi there! In addition to the self esteem issues, and as it is with any other person, it depends a lot on personality and as to whether there is something (for example having something in common, or a shared interest) that will allow a friendship to form. Have you tried joining LGBT groups in your community? Maybe try finding a support group which you could join. PFLAG would be another option that you could look into. Or try finding out if there is a LGBT social group that has regular meetings and social get together or events. That said, every group is different and again it really depends on the personality of the members who make up that group, but it might be something to consider and look into.
Well, can I ask the question why you are looking for an 'attractive' friend? I find it interesting that you add that criteria... I'd say if you're having trouble finding a friend, then you need to change your approach. Where are you looking for this friend? On dating web sites? Online chat rooms? When I was looking for a gay friend who could relate to my situation, I used an online ad and I had success. But I was completely honest about what I was looking for. As suggested, try support groups or clubs. Toronto has an organization called 'Out and Out'. They organize social activities for the LGBT community here. But the best way to get a good friend is to BE a good friend.
My best guy friend in the whole universe is cute, gay, smart, considerate, and definitely not romantically involved with me at all (thank god). Friends come to you when you actively explore your interests. Just keep doing the things you like to do, and you will meet a gay guy you can trust eventually.
