Why is it that everyone I meet seems to want nothing else than sex in the long run. Every time I want to get into a relationship with someone, or even talk for longer than an hour or two, it seems to lead to some kind of talk about sex. Is it really that important? I've had people call me weird because I could care less whether or not I ever had sex, just as long as I could have a relationship. Is it me? Please help =[
What you feel is common. What these other people feel is also common. Different people, different attitudes to what they want out of a person they are attracted to. Just look for someone who feels like you do. If your not finding that where you are or the places your looking, maybe its time to try some place else?
Hi there! Actually, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. It's part of it, but it isn't the only part. I think for many (in particular teens), sex is often used as measuring stick in terms to how cool you are. If you got laid or have laid someone, than you are cool. Remember that wild hormones and teen hood go often hand in hand. I think though that your reactions are very normal too. It looks like that sex isn't all that important to you, which is totally fine. You are looking for a lot more in a relationship than just the sex part. And honestly, that is really good, because a relationship is way more than just about sex. It's about sharing things (commonalities, and differences), spending time together, and enjoying each other's company, etc... Often people are basing their relationships on sex. Is this a relationship that will last? No, because there is nothing that holds it together. In putting your feelers out there, and spending a bit of time with others you will come to learn who fits your ideas or thoughts on a relationship better. It's a matter of finding that right person, the person who will tell you "yep, finally I found someone, that agrees with me on this."
I really like what you had to say. I often have the same problem and especially trying to find friends (as I posted in another forum). Its just very discouraging.
Well, in those teen years sex is always on everyone's mind. You may just be more mature then your classmates. Don't worry they'll catch up...well, hopefully.
It isn't everyone, but it is a lot of people I suppose. As has already been stated, it could be a measure of maturity. Other guys your age don't really have a concept of what a 'realtionship' is other than one that leads to having sex. But where is it that you are 'meeting' these people or 'talking' to them? When you say that you "talk for longer than an hour or two" I'm assuming that you're talking online. Is that right? 'Talking' online gives everyone a degree of anonymity that often leads them to say things that they might not say to your face - even if it's someone you know. Instant messaging is a far less personal way of communicating than over the phone or talking face to face with someone. I'm quite certain that if you were to sit in a coffee shop with that same person for two hours, the discussion wouldn't turn as quickly and casually to the topic of sex. Just a hunch. So if you're not meeting the kind of people that you want to meet, then it's time to change the ways by which you meet new people. If most of the time it's through online communities, then perhaps it's time to 'log off' and see who's out there in your local community. And I've said it before, but I'll say it again - you'll find the guy for you when you're NOT looking for a relationship. You'll meet him for some other reason (in a club, volunteer organization, support group, work...) and start to realize that he's pretty awesome. And if you're open and honest and 'yourself' - he'll start to think the same thing about you. Good luck.
Thanks everyone for the support, and sorry if it looked like I wrote the last post a little rushed, I was too tired to think straight xD. From what I'm getting out of it, it seems like it's one of those situations where it'll get better as I get older.
or it may be the other way around...im pretty much me and can have a conversation when i am instant messaging, but face to face i have a hard time communicating and use sex as a joke and make innuendos a lot. Sex is a great aspect of a relationship to most, even serious mature ones. but there are relationships that either dont have sex (asexual relationships) or have sex less often....many times these types are more mature or take people often outside the 'average' teenage norm... :lol:
I'd love to tell you that it gets better as you get older but that isn't necessarily the case. For example, not too long ago, I posted in a "m4m platonic friends" section that I was looking to meet somebody my age who was interested in spirituality and intellectual discussion and the other things that I'm interested in, and that I was specifically NOT looking for sex or a hookup. Some nice guy a few years older than I responded, and in the 2nd email from him, he started making joking comments that he wanted to know my dick size and such. I gently indicated that I was only interested in friendship, and even when we met, it was clear that he was hoping for more. Another guy who I'd made it clear I was only interested in being friends with made almost the same type of comment. Now... not all gay guys are like that, of course, but I really do think that a large part of it is where you meet or find the people, and I also think a large part of it has to do with how in touch with themselves emotionally they are. I spoke more about this in another thread, but I think many gay guys remain rather 'protected' because of the emotional baggage that we get growing up, and so keeping things more shallow is emotionally safer. Finding the people that are emotionally open (or at least willing to become open) is the challenge, and it's not that easy... but they are out there if you look. You just typically won't find them at clubs or bars, or on hookup sites. And if you start to look carefully, you can start to figure out which Myspace profiles are likely the guys interested in genuine friendship, such as the ones that actually READ your profile and respond to it, rather than sending a three-word post such as "you're really hot." Don't give up... just have to look a little more closely and sort through to find the diamonds among the coal
It's always hard being in the minority but as a member of that group myself it IS hard to find guys your age who are into you as a PERSON and not your MEMBER. I can't really tell you that it helps with time because I'm a few years ahead of you and guys MY AGE STILL AREN'T caught up!!!! It's just a bit tougher to find- but you should still actively look, NEVER be passive or giveup on finding a guy interested in more than sex because they DO exist. That was GREAT. It actually helped me a lot too!
