As of late I have become more aware of my hollow feelings inside. It has come to the point of I am just walking around in skin and that is about all. I do all the same things, I smile when I need to, I laugh, look happy and act it. I talk to people and hug them but I have become more detached from them. I hate feeling like this but I have about given up on it. I mean I can act insane and happy and make people think I am ok. In truth I wonder more and more about just ending it. I know I wont but it seems closer to reality then what I am doing now. I know that I need help but I also know in my mind it wont do any good. It is just a slower process of me faking happiness more. I don't feel good about my self and all that. I know what people will say to stop me from doing things (like committing suicide) I know people love me to. I just don't care anymore. I don't feel real and the more I think about it the more it feels like I am looking at everything through a looking glass. I see people walk by and notice. I just feel like a damn puppet in a sick play. I feel like I am rotting from the inside. And I know by the next time I post I will be all happy and fake. I don't know what I need anymore but I know it is becoming clearer that I am almost ready to give up. And to all this I still don't care and feel nothing to it.
Aww im sorry you feel this way, but I can totally understand where you are coming from, we all cover things up and act like we are fine sometimes. I think if you can manage it you should stick around and talk to people here at EC, there are lots of people here who have been through similar things and im sure they can help you through it (*hug*). There are lots of people who will give you better advice than me, although your welcome to talk to me anytime. Just chat to moderators and other members a like and see who you feel most comfortable with, im really sure EC can help you if you can let it. Take care and please dont harm yourself, no matter how bad things seem there is always light at the end of the tunnel, things will get better.
oh I know that feeling. it's pretty bad. Is there anything that you're actually passionate about? cause that'll help you out of some of these incredibly depressing feelings, and that emptiness. or, find something to fill the void. currently I'm working towards being someone I would want to be (there's still quite a bit of work to do ).
Hi there, and welcome to EC from Jim in Toronto. I can certainly understand how you feel. It sounds to me like you are suffering form depression. Sometimes that's caused by circumstances, sometimes by chemical imbalances - and sometimes a combination of both. I too have spent a large part of my life wandering around feeling quite empty. Going through the motions. And I also felt more and more alone over time - to the point where I also wondered what the point was to sticking around. I've been in that same dark and lonely place that you're in. There really is something more though for you. There was for me. Thankfully I turned to my therapist, who I'd been seeing for a few months at that time, and he helped me through the worst of it. I also engaged my doctor and started on some medication which really did help. (2 years later, I'm now starting to take myself off that medication - under my doctor's supervision.) And life started to improve. I started to really connect with people. I started to acknowledge rather than avoide or deny the things in my life that were bothering me. One of those things was admiting to myself and to those people closest to me that I was gay. Another was dealing with an addiction that was resulting from as well as feeding my depression. I got into recovery, and continued going to therapy. I started to live an honest and 'authentic' life. I eventually found a boyfriend, and fell in love - truly - for the first time in my life. So - there is hope. And you're not alone. We're all here for you in EC. (I know that sounds hokey - but it's true!) Please feel free to PM me when ever you want to chat. OK? Again - welcome!
