This is the longest story ever, I'll try to summarize.... 1. My ex and I: Best best best friends for the past six years 2. Started dating in November 3. Both gay 4. Pretty serious relationship, I would say 5. I was upset and pushed her away one night [two weeks ago] when she tried to hug me, first huge fight... 6. I apoligized the next day for treating her like that, she said she loved me too much to let it come between us. 7. Three days later, day before graduation, she breaks up with me saying she needs a break because she feels bad lying to our mutual friend Emily about this, but she assured me that she still loved me and that she wanted a fresh start at college 8. Things got progressively catty between us after she started spending 24/7 with this other girl [also gay] who kept trying to mess with me 9. Our friend Emily eventually asked me about Ashly [ my ex ] spending so much time with the other girl, and asked if she was into girls 10. I was sick of lying.. I spent all year lying. Emily had pretty solid evidence, so I told her that Ashly was gay and that we dated 11. To be fair, I told Ashly what I did 12. Ashly got so angry and said this his in a message: "WHAT THE FUCK, RACHEL??! Are you kidding me?? You know how much I hate who I am, and how embarrassed I am about being gay. That is lower than the worst thing you could possibly do to me, to tell Emily about me. That's one of the huge reasons I broke up with you; because I wasn't ready to be intimate with you in front of friends because I'm ashamed of my sexuality. I have been working sooo hard to accept myself lately. I was feeling sooo fucking close to be comfortable to share this with Emily, because I wanted to be with you again and wanted to be ok with each other. I cannot believe you would tell her behind my back when I was FUCKING going to do it FOR YOU!!! " And also saying: "I really did think we had a chance, Rachel" 13. I never knew she would react like that... I didn't intend to tell Emily or plan on it, but I honestly could not lie anymore... 14. I talked to Ashly that night to make sure she was okay, she forgave me because I didn't do it on purpose, and we agreed that our friendship was super important and that we should both put everything behind us. 15. But, that still leaves what she said... saying we had a chance.. Should I ask her about it? I seriously love this girl so much. Ashly has gone very back and forth about this subject... First, she still loved me when she said she wanted a break. Second, we spoke one night on very bad terms and she said she lost something for me the night we fought and that she can't force herself to love me, and that we made better friends... but she was so so so upset, and we were on bad terms at the time.. We seriously had such a good relationship before this, not perfect, but this whole situation really opened my eyes to things we both need to change, and I'm 100% willing. So yeah... should I try to win her back? If anything, I know she needs time because her self-hatred for being gay is the main problem, but I want to let her know if there's even the smallest chance I'd wait for her..
Hi there! First off (*hug*) Let her go. Too much emotional baggage. I don't think you can change that but rather she'll have to stop hating herself, well, herself. Lol That's a bit roundabout. But anyway, fucked up she did that to you at that time. But don't let her mama-drama mess with your head sweety.
Hi there! Not sure why you would go back to her. I don't think this is someone you want to be with. I mean if she is spending 24/7 with another girl, I'd call that a problem. Given that she has done that or perhaps still doing that, where is the trust that is the base of any relationship? By all means try to be her friend and tell her that you are willing to help her to accept herself. To be fair, outing your friend/ex-girlfriend to your mutual friend might not have been the best way to go. I think Emily would have connected the pieces eventually. That said, given what happened before hand, not so sure if this is someone worth waiting for. (*hug*)
Part of me agrees with Enigma, but, part of me wants to say to wait for her. Who knows? While/if you wait for her, you may miss loads of chances to meet other people, because you're hanging on to her. But, at the same time, love is hard to break, and you really seem to mean that you love her, so it's pretty hard to just let her go. Perhaps you could do a little of both? Hanging around waiting for her is just torture to you, and it may not be so healthy for her if she's trying to figure out how to get rid of her self hatred, because...well...I can't explain it very well, so, lets just stick with, it's probably not healthy. Try seeing if she needs some space from you, or just a break from the relationship, and maybe if it's just the latter, you could try to help her a bit with it. If it's the first though, just keep a slight distance, and let her figure things out. She may just come back to you in the end, but, she may not..and that's never easy to deal with. So...I guess you could stick around for a little while, but if she seems to keep pushing you away, try to move on a little bit?
Hi there! First off, (*hug*) That doesn't seem to be helpful. She is already pushing her away, and quite well I may add. How does she move on a little bit? Why? Lol She's already been pushed away and I think it would be mutually beneficial to go your separate ways. You can find someone else now, hon. There are plenty more out there that are more responsible, trust worthy, and mature than her. And more importantly, someone who can treasure you as equally as you treasured her.
Yeah...I guess you're right. I wasn't typing with the clearest of heads when I wrote that...and the mods never added on my edit, but I suppose it's not that important...
It's hard because she's very unstable, and during the past six months of dating she was so... normal, I guess, and very much happy. I know what an amazing girl she is. Problem now is, she's pretty much a trainwreck, always telling me something else... But deep down I know she still cares about me and I deeply miss the way things used to be... But I guess on the surface I know even if we do both care for eachother, it would be really hard to have things like they were before. Still, I really just care about this girl so much. I've been with her through everything- through years of self-injury, being raped and molested, years of depression, being hospitalized for suicidal tendencies, being hospitalized for bulimia... she has told me in the past, and even the other day that I'm the only one keeping her alive. That's not healthy, I know, but honestly... I know I make her happy and I make her feel safe, so it kills me that we aren't together because I know I can help her. I know the odds are against me, what do I know, I'm seventeen. And yes, there are millions of people out there I could meet - but I really do love this girl so much. No matter who I meet down the road, I feel like even if there was the strongest bond, it would be hard to match the one Ashly and I have because we have such a history together.
