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What do you make of this?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pikachu1, Jun 13, 2009.

  1. pikachu1

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    For some odd reason I can't just straight out imagine myself having sex with a man. First I have to imagine a woman there getting the man excited. I'm not attracted to her in the least but it seems that I need the woman there to get the guy aroused then I can "take over" in my fantasies. Also sometimes I imagine that I am the woman making the guy get all charged up while other times after "she has done her job" she leaves and I can finish things. What do you make of this since I know for a fact I don't find women attractive at all.
     
  2. The Enigma

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    Hi there! First off, (*hug*)

    I have no idea. Could you elaborate more on the beginning? It doesn't make much sense to me, yet. Thanks!
     
  3. pikachu1

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    Sorry about the confusing beginning. What I mean is that when I try to imagine myself making love to a man, nothing happens. It's only after I insert a woman in there to get the guy's motor running that I can then take over and "finish the job". Or sometimes I imagine myself as the woman and let the guy do whatever he wants with me. Either may if its just me and the guy alone in my fantasies, I can't perform. I know that I'm not attracted to the woman at all so I don't know why she "in there" to begin with.
     
  4. The Enigma

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    Lol Can't help you there. Maybe you might be bi? I'm not sure, never heard of that happening.
     
  5. pikachu1

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    I don't think it that I'm cause I find no pleasure in the woman at all. I don't find women attractive, I know that. I think, just listen, that maybe it's cause I know that men are attracted to women and that I wish maybe I could evoke the same response from men that women do. that's what i think it may be.
     
  6. Nitro

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    (i) About imagining being the woman - it is not unheard of for people to enjoy cross-dressing in a sex scene. People of all gender identities and orientations may enjoy such an activity.

    (ii) About the need to imagine a woman getting a man prepared prior to engaging in sex with him - not much of a clue, unless you are imagining being multiple people in a scene (which can be a lot of fun).
     
  7. pikachu1

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    I never thought of it in the way that it might be because I like dressing up like a woman. I never thought of actually dressing up but I do admit I wish I could wear some of those clothes. I think maybe it is that and the above reason I posted before. knowing this helps with my prior confusion.
     
  8. Maddy

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    Fantasies are weird. The fantasy of being a woman is I think totally normal - a lot of people have fantasised about being the opposite gender in a sexual situation, myself included. I'm not so sure about the woman being there - maybe you feel insecure and feel like a man wouldn't be attracted enough to you on your own?
     
  9. Greggers

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    Do you watch alot of straight porn?

    Sometimes if you watch lots of straight porn (if you get your porn from TV, its going to be basically 100% straight porn) then you will find it VERY hard to imagine sex without the woman there to pleasure the man. Especially if you have never had sex yourself. Most of your fantasies will come from porn you watch because you dont have your own feelings and experiences to tie into it. If this is the case, try switching to come gay porn instead.
     
  10. Confusicus

    Confusicus Guest

    I really don't enjoy gay porn, I think I must be bi because I'd much rather watch straight porn. Maybe it's because the women and guys dongs are more attractive, I have no idea... Ok so my identity has changed like 3 times this week, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
     
  11. The Enigma

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    I know this sounds rather odd but I prefer watching straight porn opposed to gay porn. It looks so much hotter and more authentic. Plus the material is usually better. imo (!)
     
  12. Jim1454

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    I wouldn't really worry about it if I were you. When the time comes for you to be intimate with someone, it's (hopefully) because you enjoy each other's company and you are genuinely attracted to one another. You're likely become somewhat physical already - holding hands, hugging, kissing, mayb some touching - and sex will be a very natural next step. You'll have received enough positive feedback from your man to know that you won't need to "cue the token female!" to get your guy aroused. You'll know that you're quite capable of doing that all by yourself.

    So don't sweat it!
     
  13. Chip

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    Since you're just out to a few people and I think you said you just came out to your mom, it's pretty likely that your unconscious is still sort of processing things and there may be some sort of "bargaining" going on, as in "I can still have a woman involved in my sexual experiences". Not that consciously that's what you want at all, but perhaps it's just a way of allowing unconscious to slowly come to terms.

    What happens when you watch porn? Do you get aroused from gay porn? Do you get arousal from straight or bi porn? Noticing what your experiences are in those circumstances might also help bring you some clarity.
     
  14. pikachu1

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    Most of the gay porn I seen has been pretty terrible so I haven't really been able to get aroused by it too much but i do like it. With straight porn I do get aroused and focus on the guy. I've never seen bi porn(is that with lesbians?), but I really can't stand multiple women at all in porn cause it takes away from the guy and he's the reason I'm watching.
     
  15. Chip

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    It sounds to me like there's nothing really out of sorts except perhaps a bit of odd bargaining between conscious and unconscious.

    I'd suggest looking around a little more for some good gay porn and watch it, that will probably help reset the fantasies in your mind. I think also, after you've had a few good sexual experiences with guys, you'll have some very real fantasy material to draw on that will help you to settle things out in your mind.