Hello you lovely people. So. I have a big question, which I've heard some people ask online and answers never seem to really get put forwards. I think I've concluded I'm bisexual. But...I'm what one could call a "femme" - I dress quite femininely usually, make-up, perfume, earrings and a crazy amount of bangles, high heels sometimes, etc. I have longish blonde hair. I have rhinestoned glasses. You get the picture. So, the question is, how can I get it across (subtly, to those "in the know") that I am interested in women, and not just another girl who likes to dress like a girl? I mean, a lot of people would not see me as being interested in women because I don't really show it all that clearly. Even if...I do check girls/women out. I look them up and down. I smile. etc. But how can I make it more obvious that I'm not just doing that because I like their outfit, but rather because I like them? I don't necessarily want straight women to fully realise this - I'm not the type of person who wants to "convert" ladies and get them to hook up with me + I don't want to be too obvious as I'm not really out yet. But is there something (that I obviously do not know, since I'm asking this question) that I can do to suggest to other bisexual or lesbian women that I would perhaps be up for us becoming friends? I've read a suggestion somewhere, where the idea of having two blunt finger nails (index and middle finger on "control" hand) with all the others normal length can be an indication - because those fingers are often used in certain practices that involve nether regions and women, *cough cough* and that a "seasoned lesbian" would probably be alerted by that. Any other ideas? Thankies! Keep smiling, Happy Go Lucky
I'm really not the best person to be answering this, I really have no idea what you should do except RAINBOWS!!! When I see anything rainbow, it's like my eyes do the whole spy-action movie thing where they hone in on a location from miles outside the earths atmosphere. I always notice a rainbow...
This is so true. Whenever I see someone wearing anything rainbow patterned, I automatically wonder. Just don't make it too obviously LGBT themed if you don't want your straight friends knowing, and you can play it dumb if any straight friends do ask you about it.
Mmmm...I know the rainbows could work well, but a couple of straight people I know would probably ask questions...like "are you purposefully wearing rainbows?", especially because I have one or two friends who are very sweet but a bit (one is very) homophobic...
I dont know how you can make yourself look interested in girls i just tell people plus having a girlfriend helps people realise lol
The rainbow has failed me once. I saw a really cute guy with rainbow on him, but he was sharing a drink with a girl and holding her hand. *HUGE SIGH*:bang:
I wear 2 pride rings. I have had quite a few comments on them. I think others who are gay/bi are more apt to notice.I actually had a nurse,while I was in the hospital,ask me if I was "family!". It was awesome! And if your friends ask,just say you found the ring pretty! Other than that,I don't know what to tell you. Sorry.
I'm not sure what exactly you're looking for here? Signals and signs and 'looks' can work perhaps if you're looking for ramdon, anonymous sex. The long, lingering look into another person's eyes can work here. At least it does for gay guys. Or checking the person out not once but twice. But if you're really looking to make "friends" then that will usually include actually talking to people. Who to talk to? Well, you can talk to everyone, but there's a lot of filtering that you'd have to do to figure out who was bi or gay vs. who was straight. Odds are 9 out of 10 aren't going to be interested in taking a friendship beyond that and becoming intimate. So then the idea is to increase your odds by meeting and talking to people who are more likely to be bi or gay because they're invovled in a LGBT club or support group or their hanging around in a lesbian / gay part of the city. Good luck!
Okay...so the main response seems to be RAINBOWS...but what about the fact that I have rather alert people at school who would be likely to ask questions? Questions are okay coming from some people, but there are others I'm not ready to come out to yet. Also, while I understand what you're saying Jim, with the hanging out in more LGBT bits of the city, I have rather over-protective parents. They don't let me go clubbing (so I sleep over at a friends house to "watch a movie" if I need to) but I can't invite myself over to someone's place to go to a gay/lesbian bar or club with my straight friend...she's very much into guys, so methinks she wouldn't necessarily agree to go the Le Queen or a similarly flamboyant place. And...I'm a bit of a wimp, ie. I don't want to go alone. And that's also for the Pride March...it's happening on the 27th of June, and I will be in town so I'd like to go but...I don't want to go alone. ARG. You see, if I meet someone, then I'm not half as shy. But I don't want to just turn up somewhere like a loner and say "hey, I think I'm bi, will you talk to me?". OKAY. Maybe I'm being excessive. Maybe I'm being too shy. Maybe I just need to go for it. But I'm scared off goofing it up and missing a connection with someone. I'm not necessarily looking for random, anonymous sex, because I'm not there yet. I'm looking for friendship, for people who know that I am attracted to women as well as guys, and who won't be uncomfortable if I kiss their cheek, or hug them, or accidentally brush their leg. I want someone I can be totally open with, who I can hang out with and be able to say "damn, she's hot" about a passerby without slamming my head into a brick wall. I have a really sweet Dutch friend who knows about my interesting experiments, and who I've told recently about how I saw a most amazingly beautiful woman on the metro, and she laughed, but I felt compelled to say something like "oh, and she dressed really nicely and had beautiful shoes. I think you would have liked her shoes..." or some similar inanity. But it's not the same. I don't know if you can really see what I'm getting out, or if I'm being rather absurd and unclear. But yeah. Oh, and if this friend (the hypothetical bi/lesbian one I would meet) and I were to become friends with benefits, or a bit more, that would be okay :icon_bigg. But it's not a goal. (Side note: I also think it would maybe be easier for me to come out to my parents if I could introduce them to this hypothetical friend. And mention a few days later that she was bisexual/lesbian, and perhaps carefully bring up the topic that way. It jsut seems like that would work - my parents would be pretty accepting anyways I think, but it could help.) AHHHH! Such confusion. :bang: I think I'm going to go make myself a subtle rainbow accessory now. Maybe a brooch or something. Or a ring. Anyways, if y'all have any more suggestions/feedback/ideas, etc., I'd be glad to hear (Well, read I suppose) them. Keep smiling, Happy Go Lucky
^ OK - so with a little more context I'm not sure your problem is much different from anyone else's problems here. If you're not out to your parents or to all of your friends, then the likelyhood of meeting other gay or bi people is going to be slim. Quite often, one has to come before the other. But not necessarily. But it's certainly a process. Signing up here is a great start. Getting more comfortable with yourself and your situation will allow you to take steps in your real life to live a more honest, open and authenic life. Online groups like this might work. Or putting up an online ad might also be helpful - i.e. you're looking for a gay / bi girlfriend to hang out with. If you're looking for that, there's likely another young woman in Paris who also is looking for that. Probably several! It's just a matter of finding them. In terms of meeting people - you don't have to announce that you're bi. If you were to go to Pride, you can assume that any person you speak to will be gay, bi, or bi/gay friendly. And they'll assume the same of you without you saying anything specific. If the person engages in a conversation and you seem to get along, then eventually you'll figure out if they are gay or bi, or straight with gay and bi friends! Good luck - and again - welcome to EC.
That doesn't really mean anything. I do both of those things all the time with my girl friends. It just mean they are comfortable with themselves.
Hey! I also live in Paris and I'm a very feminine lesbian, so i totally get what you mean with the getting across thing.. Then randomly, last weekend I was in a straightish party and a girl comes up and starts flirting with me, so she totally somehow got the "gay vibes" from me I guess... Or it might have been the fact that I was drunk and staring perhaps in an indiscreet way at her boobs (she didnt wear a bra, so...) Anyways, one thing i've always found useful is asking where does the girl go out to (is she answers something along the lines "Marais (in general..), troisieme lieu, pick clops.." well thats a 110% hint). So even if u don't actually get to go to these places you can maybe tell a little white lie to the girl... Honestly that almost always works for me. Physical appearance clues, as stated earlier, short nails might be a clue, but not at all trustworthy.. and maybe not wearing a bra, if u feel comfortable doing that, I personally don't. But indeed getting across as a femme lesbian in Paris is sometimes hard...
YAY! Une autre parisienne! DD The problem with Paris - and don't get me wrong, I think it's a lovely city and I adore living here - is that so many women dress fashionable, femininely and elegantly that it's hard to tell who's just Parisian chic and who's femme chic... I suppose I should learn some useful places to name drop...could be useful! I always wear a bra...I'm definitely not comfortable without one. I'm so happy to see there's someone else from Paris on these boards! *hugs*
:eek: Wow. When I said that there was likely someone else like you in Paris, I didn't expect them to show up 3 posts later in the same thread!!! Isn't life amazing sometimes? :icon_bigg
hahaha there's probably heaps of others like us in Paris, it's just a shame ze french dont speak english zat well.. so they probably never join sites like these. anyways, name dropping definitely works! there's not so many lesbian bars in Paris (as opposed to the 923847963296 gay bars, sigh..) so the name dropping is pretty easy I totally know what you mean with parisians dressing always feminine and chic, makes it hard to figure out the girls.. I've seen some very super dykey girls in Paris too though oh try not to miss the pride (in a week or so?) i'm sooooooo disappointed and angry and sad that I'm gonna miss it this year
