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Drifting

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JamiexX, Jun 15, 2009.

  1. JamiexX

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    I've always been the kid who stays indoors all day and either sleeps, or chats on the computer. I fell into a severe depression as a little girl, and I've had it for many years. I don't know how life is supposed to be. Or, rather, I don't understand how it works. I spent about sixteen hours a day on the phone with my girl every day for a year and a half. It completely worked for me at the time. However, if I don't start to change now, I will not have the ability to stay with her in the future as adults. I am absolutely in love with her. Because of this fact, I refuse to not do anything about the issue. I want to fight and work for it. I've kept going for six months so far, and have grown a lot. Also, I've come across new problems. I'm now ready to actually start entering reality.

    Lanessa, who is my girlfriend, and I have been apart this week. We talk only a little on messenger because her mother is in the hospital. While this is only a short term thing, and her being away because her mom is in the hospital is a normal thing about life, it has gotten me to think and really consider what it would be like once I've started trying to build and discover who I am. We've had a lot of problems these past two years, but we're still together. We've worked through them. At this point in my life, it is time for me to give more to the relationship. Life is going to happen for both of us. I accept it. Now, it is time for me to adapt and find my rhythm with it without drifting away just because things are changing. I need to adapt and leanr. It is my own choice, because I want us to work out so badly. She says that she knows deep in her heart, that I am the one for her. I feel the same way. It takes time to figure out how well a person fits with you. I didn't used to think that to be true. I always assumed that you know your soul mate right away, even before you speak.

    When I mention knowing that we are soul mates to others, they say not to worry about feeling like we are drifting apart. If in fact we are meant to be together, it will happen through fate.

    All in all, this makes sense. But to me, this seems like a fairytale statement. No matter what you do in life, it takes dedication and commitment, especially in such an intimate relationship. So what I'd like to know, is how do I develop the ability to keep going and not getting too busy and infatuated with life? How do we not drift apart? Life is going to seem overwhemling at first. And it may take a very long time for me to be able to get my mind on other things. To adapt. This week has shown me that there are going to be times where we won't be able to talk for very long periods of time. I care about this. I don't want to just sit back and let "fate" take care of every single detail. I want to be able to put forth work and see the product. Keeping us together. Keeping me strongwilled when Lanessa can't be there.

    (I know this post might seem all out of sorts. I may have made some mistakes in the way I worded things, and I might have to explain the meaning. Please be patient with me. I have a lot going on in my mind. I tried to make everything match the way I feel. Emotions are honestly impossible to describe.
    There may not even be an answer to this post. I need to express myself and get feedback more than I need advice, I believe.)
     
  2. aerwolfen

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    your title is very strong and to me says alot,you two are very close and you have controlled your relationship alot by being very comfortable, by having your friend spending time with a family member away from you has scared you alittle because your friend is now out of your control and she is seeing things differently now and your picking that up in your conversations,its starting to make you wonder about your relationship,from clues in your conversations,making you think about te relationship drifting,i think you just need to remind her of your love and support you have for her,and not to push her too much,if she truely loves you,she will be there for you,try not to feel insecure of your own feelings and stick with it,this is my opinion,its what i read in your message,no offense intended,wish you the best.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    Relationships don't just happen. I think you're right in thinking that you're going to have to work on it. It requires dedication, commitment, understanding, forgiveness, etc.

    But I don't understand how it's possible to spend 16 hours a day with someone for a year and a half. Was that an exageration? (I tend to take things literally - it's the accountant in me.) How old are you? Aren't you going to school? If not, don't you work?

    Because it really is difficult to find a balance in life as you enter adulthood. Finding time for yourself, your partner, your job, your kids, your friends, your hobbies, your physical fitness, your spiritual wellbeing... is VERY difficult. And at the moment, in my mind, you're only managing to address ONE! Your partner.

    So it's good that you recognize that things need to change. Because it sounds like they do. But spending less time together isn't a bad thing. But making the most of the time that you DO spend together will be important.

    You might want to clarify things if I've misinterpreted them here.
     
  4. JamiexX

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    Thank you for your opinion on relationships. I was wondering what the right answer was. Glad to know one person so far agrees with me.

    I promise you it isn't an exageration. I didn't do anything at at besides stay home and go to school in the seventh grade because I was so interested in her. It was extreme infatuation at first. Let's just say I didn't get much sleep, we texted all the time in class, and called each other during school for a while. School is only seven hours. So seven plus the four or less hours of sleep I got every night is actually thirteen hours everyday on the phone. I was only three hours off. She would also call me in the morning right before school as well. I didn't realize our relationship was very odd, honestly. I knew no one else spent that much time with someone, but I accept it. I'm never ever bored with her.

    Currently, I'm fourteen. I'll turn fifteen in October. I'm going to get a job next Summer. I put Lanessa at the very top of my list because compared to her, nothing really has much meaning except to fill in the time and make myself better for her. I'm developing hobbies and spiritual wellbeing and time for myself. I don't have any friends. I can't relate to anyone honestly. And I usually prefer being alone. Which is why I find it remarkable that I would want to spend so much time with this girl.

    I understand why I need to change now. We have to finish developing ourselves before we can become even more deeply connected. Reach our potential as human beings. I wouldn't care very much about what I did if she wasn't here. She makes me -want- to become a better person. She drives and motivates me without having to say a word.

    --Jamie
     
    #4 JamiexX, Jun 16, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2009
  5. JamiexX

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    I don't want to control her. I just wish to watch her, see how she is doing, make sure she is happy. If she isn't happy? I want to fix it. Or if she is meant to be sad because she will become stronger in the end, I want to be there to support her every step of the way. I could watch her for hours. But I can't because we live half way across the country from each other. Thank you for your advice. I know it would just push her if I brought up the problem directly. She would get defensive and upset. You have helped me.

    --Jamie
     
  6. Jim1454

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    So the ONLY interaction you're having with her is IM and phone conversations? To the exclusion of everyone else? (Well - I guess you're interacting with other students at school, right?) That doesn't sound like an ideal situation. I'm glad to hear that you're getting a summer job so that you'll be forced to spend time with and interact with other people there as well.

    Good luck!
     
  7. JamiexX

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    Yes, it's the only communication avilable. I don't like anyone else. No, I don't usually interact with people at school. I'm going into high school now, so I won't know anyone. But that is better because, as I've said, I like to be alone. I can't find any decent people to hang out with. The high school I will be attending with have a little less then a hundred students, I think. Lanessa and I only spend about six hours or less together now. Otherwise I'm on my own. I don't completely isolate myself. I do have in depth conversations with my mother about Lanessa. However, another problem I'm currently facing is that my mother doesn't want me to just be living for Lanessa. She wants me to actually be living for myself. But I don't see the benefit in that. I don't want to do everything with myself in mind. Everything I do is ultimately for Lanessa. That doesn't mean I don't take care of myself for Lanessa. It's...slightly complicated.