So...we'll start at the beginning, back in Feb. Basically, I met this girl (E) at a hotel, we messed around, and then ended up dating for a few weeks. Then we broke up in March, because of my parents, who really can't stand her, because they think she's a fat pushy rude bitch. Then I asked her back out without anyone knowing, and we went for almost another month. This was in late April to really early June. I was just sick of her treating me horribly, and never seeing her, and letting it sink me back down into depression. She also had this other girl that hung around (J), who constantly hit her, and liked to belittle me, and tell me that I'm not a good girlfriend, and that type of thing, all the time. I couldn't even get in contact with E because J would take her phone, and do shit. So...after a while, and the way J was talking about her, it felt like something more was going on (she lives in MA, so I can't be sure). So..that's one of the reasons I broke up with her, along with the fact that I was getting depressed, and couldn't bear to bring her into it, because depression isn't pretty, most of us well know. The other reason I did it is because...well...I'm pretty shallow sometimes. And I just didn't find her attractive anymore, she's really overweight, and somehow, comfortable with it. And it bothers me, due to a phobia, and the things that I know come with weight that aren't pretty (bone problems, heart, breathing, diabetes, etc). I'm not one to talk, having a little weight, but, it's not nearly as bad. I'm about 15 lbs overweight, and she's got to be 40+. I really want everything to be over with her, so I can move on, and find new women, and the such, and maybe get over my depression. But, every time I talk to her, it reminds me that I'm too nice to just leave her. I have no problem being blunt, but I really hate to hurt other people. I know how badly she wants me back, and I just keep telling her 'not right now'. I know that if I say yes anytime soon, I'm going to feel guilted into a relationship, and if I say no, I feel like I'm making things worse. I still have feelings for her, but, I don't love her like I thought I did, and I've told her that. So...last night, I was chatting with her (only way we communicate without my parents getting involved) and I told her all of this. Apparently, she got accepted to a UVM summer program, and was hoping to use some of it to be closer to me. She was up there as we were talking...so...now I feel kinda bad. But, she made it kinda worse, because she said she would wait for me, until I was ready to be in a committed relationship. I'm not a 1 person kind of person, and I've tried to make her aware of that...but..she keeps insisting I don't know because I'm the 'virgin, baby dyke'. I think I know myself better. The thing is, I care, but don't want her back, and I'd rather just be friends or w/e, but I can't let her go. I just feel bad either way. To top it off, while I was talking with E, I was chatting with this other girl I met recently, A. And as I was telling E everything, I was telling A that I like her, and chatting her up. I really just met A, but I like her (it's that shallow thing), but so far, she's really funny, kinda bipolarish (which I find strangely attractive), REALLY pretty, and she's extremely nice, and I like that. She's also really open to new things, which is why I told her that I like her so soon after meeting her. Then we got to talking about sexuality, and she said she's thinking about experimenting with girls. At that point, I told her if she ever wanted a date, I was game for it. The huge problem there...she's 2 1/2 years younger. I'm 16. That part makes me feel guilty... I feel rather fucked up for having done all of it, but, I can't help how I feel about stuff... any advice?
I'm not sure I have understood everything, so if I have misunderstood what you said, please let me know. I think you should put an end to your relationship with E. It seems to me that this girl is in love with you, and obviously you're not. I think you should tell her, clearly, that you are not in love with her and don't want to be her girlfriend anymore. Maybe she'll be hurt, but it's better now than in another six months of messy relationship. I would like to add that it would be kind not to mention you've got a problem with her beign overweight, especially if she is fine with it. It's your call not to be attracted to overweight girls, but throwing that sorts of thing to a teenager wouldn't be wise. As for A, I don't think getting involve in anything sexual with her would be good thing at all. From what you said she is 13 years old. It is far far far to young to start having sex with anyone, boys or girls. And in my personal opinion, it is far to young to get involved in any relationship. Take care, Eleanor
Advice?!? You're 16. So: Don't meet other people at hotels for sex. Don't engage in sexual chats with other people who are only 13.5 years old Don't draw too many conclusions about what kind of person you are yet (i.e. "I'm not a 1 person kind of person") Do break off your relationship with E. It doesn't sound like it's doing much for you. Do focus on school
i agree with all of the above 13 or so is far to young for anything sexual as well as being illegal it can also do alot of damage to a girl that young. Break it off with E because its better off doing it now than hurting her more in the future, focus on more important things like school and such rather than relationships
You guys are right. I just don't know how to handle things with E. I wasn't really being sexual with A. We just talked about stuff. I agree that 13 is far far far too young for sex. And to be honest...I wasn't even thinking about it. I used 'chatting up' in the wrong way. I pretty much just offered her a date if she got curious. I've had experience with someone younger than me before (a guy...). Didn't work out. Don't worry, I'm focusing on school. I'm on break, so I'm focusing on work!
I can't give you excellent advice about E, but I do want to say that my girlfriend is 2 1/2 years older than me, and we fell madly in love with each other. I don't think you should feel guilty. I'm probably the exact same age as this girl. As for E...I don't think you should keep the relationship going unless you really want her without her influence. If you want to be with her because of who she is, then by all means go for it. That other girl you talked about, J, sounds like an abusive person, which may be partially why E acts the way she does, not that it is an excuse. Does E take stress out on you often?
Ummm...first (because it bothers me),I'm overweight and I don't like being judged for it. I have many medical problems and can't get the proper excercise,because of them. Not everyone is fat,by choice. Just wanted you to know that. I think you need to stay away from BOTH girls.(in a personal way). E- sounds like a bad bet to have a relationship with. A- DEFINITELY is a bad bet. She's way too young! I hope you don't mind the beginning of my post. Sometimes people's attitudes piss me off. Anyway,good luck in whatever you decide to do.
