Today my father introduce me to his friends as a nephew, and not as his son (it was done in his own language but I know what it means), and then another friend came along and I introduce myself as his son. I guess he corrected it saying stepson to him later on in his own language because that friend refer me to as his stepson. I kind of sad about this because he was my dad but I didn't talk to him about it. He thinks I'm strange I guess and he was looking at one girl like she was a piece of meat with his friends (I didn't stare at her like they did). He saids I need to grow up or something like that, but I was just angry he refer me as a nephew. Then he let his whole group of friends laugh at me in their own language....I don't know what they said but I heard the word fat.. I didn't even come out to him, and I thought he saw me as his son... I don't even know how to handle this... :icon_sad:
aww, sorry I'm really rubbish at dealing with things like this, but can I say, I really feel for you. I obviously don't know what it actually feels like, but I hope for your sake (and partly his) that this can be dealt with. My only advice really (and this is probably rubbish) is to talk to/confront him about it. I guess how you do it would depend on your relationship with your father, but basically ask him why he referred to you as a nephew. Maybe slyly bring it up by starting with asking what different words are in his language... like, "Dad/Father, what's [the word he said] in my langauge?" But maybe a bit subtler than that Basically, if you don't talk to him about it, no one will. But then I guess knowing he has a prejudice against gay people doesn't help.. does he normally seem against them (us)? um sorry if this reply doesn't help at all; as I said, I'm not very good at helping people out :S hope it goes okay
That's got to be really hurtful. Perhaps he thinks it's funny or something and that you should just "roll with it", but it's not OK. Is your relationship with him such that you could sit down with him and explain that it's very hurtful and makes him think you don't love him or are embarrassed by him? It's possible that he's just clueless that it's affecting you like that. If you discuss it with him and he doesn't change, the only thing you can really do is just recognize that you're a good person, and his opinion doesn't change who you are. That's a tough thing to do, but sometimes we are blessed with parents who are simply unable to provide us with the love and support we deserve. And when that happens, you look around, and find others who will provide that support for you. Everyone can have a circle of support. If it isn't provided by your own family, you just have to create that circle for yourself.
He's never going to know, I decided that today, and he's completely against gay people (worse beings I guess to him). We are not that close but still I didn't know he dislike that much. He was serious he didn't want then to think I'm his son, and I couldn't speak English to them because they wouldn't understand. There was no joke especially to have them laugh at me that I left for a moment.
That's horrible! What a callous thing of him to do. (*hug*) And his definition of growing up doesn't seem like the example to follow. It's hard to do a lot about this. Basically I think you have two options: 1) confront him. You ask him why he didn't introduce you as his son, and why he was laughing at you. On the other hand, that might not solve a whole lot, except letting you know what he thinks about you once and for all 2) try to avoid him like the plague. If you have the chance of not spending time with him, don't spend time with him. If he's that big of an ass about it, it's unlikely you'll be able to change his views. SO avoid having him around and putting you down like that.
^ I probably should avoid him, since the first thing he told me before I met them is to be "normal". I offer to help him at construction and that's how I met them. Then he said I should talk more even though I hardly speak the language and fifteen minutes of hearing how I should act friendly with the people.
Hi there! I'm really sorry that this happened to you. It is horrible that a dad would think/say/do something like that. (*hug*) Filip suggested two options, and I thought of adding a third one. Maybe you could talk with your mum as well. If you feel you can talk with him about it and let him know that this is hurting you, maybe give that a go. Do you have friends on which you can lean upon and draw support from? (*hug*)
Whew. I'm so sorry your father treated you like that. I do hope you have friends that can help you. Other family members,too. Just remember,we at EC are all here for you,even if it's just through this forum. Feel free to pm me,anytime. I'll always be happy to talk to you.
Possibly lost in translation? I don't know your situation very well with your father... I don't understand how your own father could do that... Anyhow the choice I would pick is to confront him on the situation/ ask him about it, maybe be a bit subtle about it... so not to be rude or anything (e.g. "WTF Dad!?")?
And people wonder why some of us are scared to tell our parents... I'm so sorry this happened to you Take the advice of those who have given it to you and I wish you the best of luck (*hug*)
Wow... I'm sorry that this happened. Some parents are better than others, and even the good ones aren't perfect. But if you're right about your dad and what he said, that's pretty bad. I think it's important for him to know how his actions made you feel. He should already know - but you can't assume that. You need to tell him. Think of it this way though... If he's so insecure around his friends that he can't be honest about you being his son then HE has a problem. He's putting on a 'mask' of sorts just like many of us did before we were willing to consider we were gay. At least you've been brave enough to acknowledge your orientation - your 'uniqueness' - and accept it. At least you're working on it. Take pride in that. And know that you're OK. And anyone that doesn't think so isn't worth worrying about.
Are you completely sure of the things you think he has said? If you're not fluent you could be very wrong about the things he says. But, I do sympathise for you. You should have a word with him. Ask him if you're mistaken, you should be able to tell if he lies to you. But I'd have to say definitely stand up to him, of course this isn't as easy done as it is said. How old are you? What about your mother?
Im really sorry for what you are going through! I would talk to him about it. It seems like something got misunderstood in translation.. Are you his stepson?
No I'm not. I don't think I misunderstood in the translation, since when he said I was his nephew it was done when referring to me, and he doesn't have any nephews in the United States. That would be a strange statement to even say, and he said "my nephew", and they look at me. I think he doesn't know that I can understand the basic words in his language. I am not going to talk to him about it, since there's no point in it, and just ignore him while he is here. I'm 17, so it doesn't really matter anymore.
