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Death...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JamiexX, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. JamiexX

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My girlfriend's family is dying at a very quick pace. Her mother is in her thirties and she is being transferred to Duke University to have a surgery that could be life threatening. They have no idea what is wrong with her, so they just decided to try it out and hope it works. However, they do know it is hereditary. Oh, how lovely. So Lanessa could get the exact same thing her mother may be dying from as well. On top of all that stress, Lanessa's mother treats Lanessa like crap after all of the things that she does for her. She cleans her house, stays by her side, loves her UNCONDITIONALLY, and yet she STILL abuses her and sucks her dry of everything. I've had absolutely enough of this woman's crap. I can understand she is under absolute stress because she's terrified of dying..... But that just isn't any excuse to treat your daughter that way. I'm very worried, very upset, and overall, numb. I have no idea how to react and no idea how to feel. I'm just too childish and naive. I really need some advice on how to be there for Lanessa. There must be something I can do even if we are in a long distance relationship.

    Now, her grandparents, also on top of this, are also dying. Her grandmother has been diagnosed with breast cancer twice. They don't know how long she's going to live, and her grandfather is just getting on in years. They are both at least in their seventies now. She lives with them. They've raised her like she was their own. Lanessa is also deeply connected to them. It is going to absolutely kill her when they pass on. And all I can do is sit back and watch her suffer because I'm not there to hold her in any way at all. Even if it was just her hand. I can't do a single damned thing..... Please help me.. I'm about on edge.
     
  2. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Aside from missing medical information, which it seems you lack at this point, I feel for you.

    Well, I'm going to take a wild stab and believe Lanny is your lover. (you didn't include that info)

    Well, while it may be terrible for you--it's going to be much worst for her. However,

    "Everyone owes God one death, and everyone owes that debt." - Pehlam 123, Ryder

    It's the truth. And as hard as it may be to sit back and watch your lover's loved ones disappear one by one, there's not much you can do to prevent it. Especially so if it's cancer or old age. The best thing you can do for her is console her soul, and offer comfort and safety. Depression, loss and tragedy within the family is something we must all endure as we live on.

    And you may dislike her mother, but it is her mother. Not only that, but intervening between them may cause a rift between you and her as well. Not to mention you're long distance lovers as well. You don't really have any right to meddle in that affair. I think it's best to just offer her additional support and tell her how hard her mother must be taking it and she's just taking it out on her.

    If death comes to pass, it does.
    It's best not to linger too long, coming from someone who's been there.

    That's just my 2 cents.
     
  3. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Accept the things you can not change.

    While the situation with her mother is bad, the situation with her grandparents isn't iminent! Being in their 70s isn't that old. And people survive breast cancer for years. So don't count them out yet.

    What can you do for your friend though? Not much more than you're already doing. Encourage her to spend time with her 'real life' friends - i.e. the ones that she CAN see in person, and get hugs from, and go to the movies with as a distraction, etc. Spending all of her time on the phone with you likely leaves her talking about all the horrible stuff going on in her life.

    That's my 2 cents. Now you have 4.