Can't seem to make a choice...

First off, sorry if this is long.

Right, as many of you undoubtedly know by now, I had this boyfriend a couple of years ago. Things ended pretty quickly, and this is what he did in the time after we broke up
1. Strung me on for ages after the breakup making me think he still loved me
2. Eventually "got bored" with me, and didn't return any of my affection anymore.
3. Made exactly the same mistakes he made with me with his next girlfriend
4. Frankly, was horrible and callous to me in the months after that, and made me feel like the scum of the earth on some occasions.

But the thing was, he was so manipulative, and I just got completely sucked in. Even if he treated me appallingly and said all these things to put me down, I would still want to talk to him.

Now, I finally managed to break off contact with him a year ago, and lived a year still thinking about him on occasion, even missing his conversation every now and then, occasionally checking up on his facebook to see how he was, etc etc. Then he suddenly contacted me, via facebook chat, completely out of the blue, a couple of weeks ago.

It transpired that he had been suffering "some kind of cognitive breakdown" from 2006 to 2008 (the thing with me started in 07). He apparently had delusions of grandeur, thought he could get away with hurting people constantly, and had this idea that he was some kind of adonis and could easily pry girls away from their boyfriends.

That's what he told me last night over MSN, after we *really* talked, for the first time in...probably ever. I was finally honest with him about what an ass he was, and how much he hurt me in the year and a bit that I corresponded with him. He encouraged me to be honest, as usually I just hid how much he hurt me from him, and vented it out to other people (as some of the ECers who knew me at that time might remember ).

But the scariest thing is seeing him tell me that I am in charge of it all, he's NEVER taken this angle before. He told me that what he did was inexcusable, and that *he* wouldn't forgive himself for the things he did, so I should do what feels right for me, not what feels sensible (I mentioned earlier that it had been so long I considered it sensible to just forgive him and forget about the whole thing).

But what DOES feel right for me? I know this is really a question only I can answer, but I just can't seem to come to a decision. I know that now I'm back talking to him, I'm already worrying about things a lot more again, and I automatically tense up whenever I talk to him, purely out of habit, expecting him to be callous and horrible again. But when he was cut out of my life, I DID miss him, I missed the guy that I knew before he started turning nasty, who I could call my friend (eventually my boyfriend, but it started off simply as a close friendship). I do miss that, so much

So tell me, EC. He's given me free reign to do whatever I like. I've told him to leave me alone for a couple of weeks so that I can sort the rest of my life out (other stressful things going on), and so I can make a proper decision, because I'm so confused about it all.

Is it worth it to keep talking to him? Or shall I just cut him out of my life completely, INCLUDING facebook this time...

 

Is someone who treats you like that worthy of your time, effort or love?

Really?

Think about it for a moment.

Ask yourself:
Do you enjoy being treated as such?
Do you deserve it?
Why does he treat you like that?
What stops him?

If you've had enough, make a stand. Make an effort.
Leave and let go.

Cry and move on; it's a very healthy thing to do.