So, I have a problem. One that really won't go away. I have this friend. He's been a very good friend of mine for a good two years, and I think I have a crush on him. He's smart, attractive, funny, talented, caring...everything. No matter what I do, I can't help but feel this way about him. Now, here's the problem(s)... First of all, he's straight. And his girlfriend is one of my best friends as well. So it's just like a huge pot of awkward for me when they're all over each other. He's also a very conservative Lutheran, but I guess he just hates the "sin", cause he's really good friends with me and my other gay friend. He and my friend of mine make a lot of sexual innuendos with each other. I used to think he was gay, or at least bi, but not anymore. It just get pangs of hope everytime he does joke around though, only to send them crashing down when I realize that he's not gay. I came out to him last October, and he's been very supportive and everything. I was really depressed/borderline suicidal during that time and the following months, and he helped me through that. I really, really, really like him. But everything's going against me, and every time I think about him in a more-than-friend way, it makes me feel horrible, because I feel like I'm betraying our friendship or something. I would give anything to get over this humongous crush... :bang: I haven't told him anything about it, obviously, and I'm not planning to. Only like 3 of my friends know, and they're not going to tell him anytime soon...I hope. Gah, that was a ramble-fest... Any advice you guys can give me? :help:
I found myself in a similar situation back in '07. Out to best friend, had secret crush on him, really good friends with his girlfriend, the whole bit. It was really hard. I didn't really get over him until he left for college last September. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you can't have him and that you're just going to have to hold out for a guy who can reciprocate your feelings. That day will come, I promise you. (*hug*)
Now, this is going to sound backwards and terrible. You will probably cry for awhile, but I firmly believe that this will help you get over him. Tell him. I know you're thinking, "Whoa! I might be putting my friendship in gigantic risk territory!" But if he reacts in a strongly negative way, he isn't worth having as a friend. I believe he won't freak out based on your previous experiences with coming out to him. I'm going to tell you what happened to me, not too long ago. I met this wonderful man at my local improv club. We started chatting and we instantly had crazy chemistry. He mentioned right off the bat that he had a girlfriend, but in my mind, I thought that I could somehow lure him away. It was awfully selfish of me, but I didn't seem to care all that much about this unknown girl. So one night, as we sitting down to watch Kinky Boots, I leaned over to him and said, "I think you're really hot." And he said, "That's nice." There was an awkward silence like you wouldn't believe. He finally spoke again, " But I just want to be friends." Yes. It broke my heart. Yes. I cried for a couple of days and didn't talk to him. After a bit, I started talking to him again. We are still good friends and I only have platonic feelings towards him now. We laugh about it now. This is a bit of a grit your teeth and bear it approach to getting over someone. Hearing someone straight up say that they aren't interested really helps put the nail in the coffin.
Well if he is straight and has a girlfriend who is a great friend of yours, the only sensible thing to do is to forget about it. I know that sounds harsh, but the best thing you can expect from such a situation is a heartbreak. I have been in the same situation myself : I had that big crush on a very dear friend of mine who was dating one of my best (female) friend. It had been difficult, it had been long, it had been painful, but in the end I overcame this and finaly fall in love with someone who was able to love me back. Maybe you can put some space between you too for a while, and even let him know that you are having a crush on him and that it's the reason why you need some time alone for a while. Meet some knew people, try to keep yourself busy with something else, get involved in something positive, anything that could help you to get over him. I wish you all the best, Eleanor
Thanks for the feedback, everyone! Numfarh, I don't think I could ever work up the guts to tell him that. Plus, I don't see it benefiting our friendship in any way if I do that! He'd probably freak out, and then I'd probably get shit from his girlfriend too...Thanks though. CB and Eleanor...I appreciate the advice. I guess I'll just have to put up with another year of being around him, unless I get over him somehow. And Eleanor, we both are deeply involved in theatre and choir as our extracurricular activities, so I don't know if I could find any time away from him.
