Can't stop crying...

Well, let me start by giving you a hug. It is tough to decide when and when not to intervene in conversation that is hurtful and discriminatory. It really bothers me when people say "pick your battles, you can't change everyone." I do not think it is about changing people as much as it is about breaking a silence that brutalizes one's soul. I am firm believer in planting a seed and it may grow or may not. The more we break the silence the less power these beliefs will have. Beckyg, you’re fighting the good fight, you sound very brave. It also seems to me that you may feel guilty about not saying something. This reminds me of a great saying I heard once, "the message must be delivered with love or the message and the messenger will be rejected. Keep this saying in the forefront when deciding to confront others on their oppressive beliefs. We can also take stand, its how we do it. I hope that this is helpful. Crying is healing, as I always say "feeling is healing." Don't change that about yourself my dear. Cheers,

 

thats just horrible. my family is kinda homophobic too. when my dad found out my cuzin is bi and has a girlfriend he flipped out and he always says nasty things about homosexuals. i've spent a lot of time crying about being bi (or the possibility of it) cuz i kno my family would not accept me and i was afraid of what my friends would think but i finalyl told most of my friends and they're ok with it. some people just dont understand that people's sexuality is something thats not a choice but how they are and that shouldn't be what they're judged on. you shouldnt take everyone's narrow mindedness to heart. some people are just shallow and too judgmental. i've learned not to take everything to heart. i hope i was of some help to you

 

(*hug*) I would eat there.

A lot of people are just afraid of things they don't understand. My mother is like that about gay people. I'm just glad there are mothers like you who cancel out the attitudes of mothers like mine (not that she's a bad mother or anything). (*hug*)

 

(*hug*) I'm so sorry that must really hurt to hear your brother say that. (*hug*)

 

I am so sorry you had to deal with that. It is absolutely horrible that someone would say something like that. I don't understand how people c treat other like that, never have
and never will.
You are clearly a wonderful mother and overall person. I know you are like a mother for all if us on EC and I am so grateful for that. I hope this relatives someday realize their terrible mistakes and they will see that know matter who someone is attracted to they are still just as wonderful as every other human on this earth and we all deserve the chance toprove that.
Thanks for being the cool person that you are!
<3 Allison

 

Unbelievable! I can't believe people would say things like that. I hope you feel better!!! (*hug*)

And your husband should comfort you!!!!!!!!

 

aww im sorry he doesnt love u. i know how that feels

 

Does your brother knows your son is gay? Maybe he didn't realize the hurt he caused.

 

I'm sorry to hear this.

Try not to let it get to you too much. He is just speaking from ignorance.

Maybe for father's day you should send him a copy of Lily Allen's "Fuck you"*.

*Note I put a smilie on it, so even if that was inappropriate joke it is ok. Because there is a smilie there and a smilie makes anything ok. In fact you should put a smilie on it when you send it to him.

 

I like that a lot
I would go with that.
However, you know, you have to pick and choose your fights, not everything be done immediately and all at once.
Personally? I think that you should confront your sibling when you have the privacy to do so.
Does the rest of your family know of your presence on this website and how much you support the LGBT community here on EC as well as in general?
If not, i believe that this is something they should know about. If they are bothered by it- so be it.
Good luck with dealing with this.
(*hug*)

 

Aww Becky... (*hug*)
It is pretty horrible to hear people spout this kind of words, but if there's anything I learned over time, it is that gaybashing seems to be some sort of sport with some straight men. They really see it as a joke, and not necessarily as a declaration of policy against gay people. It just seems to be this "rawrrr! Aren't we a bunch of real men!" thing to do.
In the end I think the response is just to think "forgive them, Father, for they now not what they're doing!"

Do they even know your son is gay? If not, you might mention it at some point, and see if they still react this way.

Whoa, whoa, wait! Is this something you know for sure, something he told you? Or are you just inferring this from how he acts now?
Because, men sometimes suck at giving comfort... I know that everytime my mom is upset, I don't know how to comfort her and then end up doing nothing because I fear doing something wrong if I did do or say something. Which I hate myself for, but it in no way means I don't love my mom...

 

I am so sorry Becky. (*hug*) I wish I was there to give you a real hug. That remark is so insensitive. You showed some great restraint. I think I would have just lashed out to him.

 

aww becky im sorry about your husband you should smack all of them. i thikn it was really brave of you to actually keep your cool.

take care(*hug*)

 

For Becky: (*hug*)

For her idiot brother: :tantrum:

I mean honestly... how thick can your brother be?!? Has he been living under a rock all these years that you've been involved in PFLAG? I just can't believe some people. Even if he still THOUGHT that way, why would he SAY it out loud when you're there??? :eusa_doh:

He obviously got the short straw when it came to the genes being distributed in your family Becky. He apparently takes after his own father.

With respect to your husband... I know things haven't been good for a while. But remember that he needs to know (i.e. be told) how his behaviour (failing to comfort you when you were upset) made you feel (like he didn't care about you at all). Because he might have had a different reason for not comforting you... (thought that if he didn't have anything constructive to say, that he'd be best not to say anything?). Remember that us 'men' don't deal the same with emotions as you ladies.

But as you say, this was the 'final nail' - meaning that a lot of nails have already been used to build that coffin. I just hate to think if any relationship breaking down due to a lack of communication.

I'm around for you to talk to any time. (*hug*)

 

I'm really sorry about all this Becky. If you need to talk about that, feel free to PM me anytime.
(*hug*) Eleanor

 

I would have made a scene. I'm assuming these people didn't know about your son? Otherwise they probably wouldn't have made such a comment.

Personally i couldn't care about stuff like that, it doesn't effect me in the slightest

 

I'm so sorry, Becky. (*hug*) Humanity has more than its share of black holes. You were more restrained and dignified about it than I could ever have been.

 

Sorry that this happened to you.

On Wednesday my father made some typically bigoted comments about gay people but I told him he was talking shit. The really great thing was that one of my friends, who doesnt know I am gay, also got stuck into him for making such crass comments. Really turned what was a bad thing into a good thing.