Hi I am not out with my straight friends or my flatmate. I have been living with my flatemate for several years and just too scared too. I want to do it soon as possible. He suspects I may be gay and made a few hints on me being gay in several conversations with him but I just too scared to admit it. I admit I did come out several years ago to my brother in a letter but I became too embarrased about it and denyed it afterwords. I really do want to come out but I just dont want to be embarrased about it afterwords. I should have come out to my flatemate years ago but I just did not. I know I have to eventually come out. I have an idea on me getting drunk one night and saying to him I like guys or something like that. I do plan to come out within 2 weeks but trying to figure out when the right moment would be. I dont have a boyfriend or and have very few gay friends and if I came out my life would be better. Why does coming out has to be so hard?
Hi there - and welcome to EC! I think you've come to the right place. People generally need to get more comfortable with the fact that they're gay before they are able to tell someone else, and being able to talk about gay issues and some of the challenges we fact in a forum like this one is a great help. It certainly was to me, anyway. Once you're more comfortable about it yourself, you'll have overcome some (not all - but some) of the fear that is associated with telling someone else your secret. The trick is that you can't think it's too big a deal yourself. Otherwise, we envision this HUGE dramatic coming out 'announcement' that is going to be 'life altering' for you and your flatmate. But the fact of the matter is that it isn't going to alter his life very much at all, or yours in the short term. It isn't THAT big a deal when you stop and think about it. So hang out here. Read the other 'coming out' stories. See how other people's friends and families react. Just logging in as a member of the EC forum will reinforce that you're gay, and you're cool with that. The more comfortable you get, the easier everything gets. Good luck!
Hi and welcome on EC I think that first thing you have to calm down. There is no emergency on telling your flatmate that you're gay, especially if you're not comfortable with yourself. You have to do things on your own time when you'll feel ready for it. Getting drunk and doing it when you're not completly yourself doesn't seem to be a good idea. I think that on the contrary, you need a clear mind to make sure things don't go wrong and that you are able to deal with whatever reaction you can face from the people you are telling. Take your time, and once you'll feel fine with yourself you'll tell other people. I hope you'll find on EC all the help and support you need. Feel free to contact me anytime if you need someone to talk. Take care, Eleanor
First thing, relax. While you don't have to come out if you're not ready...chances are if he suspects, and he isn't throwing you hostile communications (non-verbal included), then he's going to be okay with it. Otherwise when he suspected, he would've probably done some mean things. Probably like tease, make gay jokes, or slam you--or worst, out you. Maybe it's his way of trying to help you. The only reason why you're so upset is because heterosexism clearly states that non-gender conformists are terrible creations from the bowels of society and that sexual orientation is a choice. This stems from year old ignorance that is finally dissipating somewhat. Come to my wall and talk to me if you'd like.
Thanks for the replys all. It was great and never thought I would get this much responses. I will let you know when I come out to my flatmate which I hope very soon. Telling flatmate is first step before I tell others. Well flatmate did once live with a bisexual guy and had no problems with it so I know he will be ok with it, but I know he will most probably ask me alot of questions and I dont think I am in the state of preparing to answer them and feel abrehensive about it, and he is the type of person making sexual jokes everyday so I dont know how I would handle it after I come out.
Welcome to EC! It's WAY easier than you think. Don't overthink it. If you can find a way to tell him without having to make a proclamation - "I'm gay" - that's probably best. Saying you think an actor is hot, or "I really need to get me a boyfriend" - anything along those lines. And if he has questions, you can either answer them (which is actually fairly easy), or you can simply say "I don't know if I want to really get into that just yet". Lex
If a hot girl comes up in conversation, which happens often with straight guys, you could remark "yeah she's hot but I'm not really into girls." It's tough to say "I'm gay" for some of us who are still uncomfortable being so bold about stuff.
Well thanks for the last 2 posters. Good advice and I wont say I am gay when I come out but something else less confronting. It is very hard for me since I used to get hassled in school alot and be called faggot or poof or people gossiping that I am gay. I am from the countryside originally and the area was quite homophboic where I grew up. Even when I reached adulthood some people call me faggot of poofter and even had a guy wanting to bash me up there because he thought I was gay but I was in denial then.
It sounds like there's no reason to think he'll take it poorly, which is awesome. It's also cool that even though "he may suspect" he hasn't been aggressive about it. Yes "there's no rush" and "you should wait till you're ready", but really for the first few people you tell you have to step outside your comfort zone. It does get easier once you get used to people reacting. I mean the first person I told was gay and it was still hard. Why is it hard? I don't know, maybe because you're admitting to lying about something fundamental about yourself. While I may not recommend doing it drunk, you can subtly mention it, or consider writing a letter / email. As far as worrying about him asking too many questions, just say you're not comfortable talking about it at length. You mention he had a bisexual roommate, and you don't have a lot of gay friends, so maybe he has a few gay contacts he could introduce you to. He could by one of your biggest allies.
You identify as "probably gay" I don't think you should come out till you know what you are for sure, so you don't confuse your flatmate (or yourself) and over stress yourself if you have to come out again as something different. Also don't come out cause you feel obligated to do so! come out when you want to share that info with someone. Your flatmate sounds as if he'll be accepting for when you do though. So good luck figuring it all out! =)
Consider building up to the either or both of these questions: Do you ever wonder if you are partially gay? Do you think I might be gay to some degree? There's room for suggestive equivocation in different ways to answer these questions and it may work to ease the conversation to the point instead of blasting away with the revelation. Just an idea.
thanks and usually I am only attracted to guys and its been a long time since I have been attracted by the opposite sex. I much more desire to be with a guy than a woman. However not so long ago I had a dream where I had a sexual dream with a woman. Well seadog that seems less confronting and I may consider on your advice.
