Is living life as a gay man REALLY the right thing to do?

Well, I am planning to have kids at 30 in a stable household through adoption. In my opinion I think it's better to raise kids in a stable gay relationship than none at all. Kids will always find something to tease about too, and it depends on the situation.

 

So adopting a child isn't as 'fulfulling' as making one yourself? So you couldn't love one from an orphanage as much because they don't share the same blood as you. Oh, I see. Because adoption is so 'selfish' in comparison to only loving one filled with your blood, right? Sounds a little materialistic.

What is 'normally' that you so speak of as well? Don't live by other people's standards just to please them. Live and thank for yourself. You don't live to appease others.

How do you live life as a gay man, and have a lesbian partner? It sounds like you're watching too much Queer As Folk... If you're referring to people who live with real wives and have children...do you realize how damaged they are and how much they regret their choices? There are quite a few of those people around here who would happily admit that they wished they never did that. (but still love their families) I'm sure living a lie wasn't easy for them, nor will it be for you.

And what do you mean all the single men at 30-50? ; Not everybody is a couple for their entirety.

And what do you mean living life as a gay man REALLY the right thing to do?
Alot of your questions and questions are a bit ambiguous. Further them, please?

 

Interesting. Well, this plan could work, but I don't see that projecting a sham relationship to your family and the world is the best way to raise children. But more importantly, I think you have some ill-conceived stereotypes of what being gay is and how it will effect you and your kids in society.

First of all, "living life as a gay man" does not mean single, unmarried, childless, etc. It simply means that you are attracted to men and probably doing something about it It has nothing to do with how you end up at ages 30-50: single, dating, partnered with no kids, or partnered with a crapload of kids.

Also, you seem to think kids who have two gay parents will somehow be disadvantaged. I just don't see it. Yeah, they may get some ridicule (which is likely to be even less when you have kids), but I think it will also give your kids an early opportunity in life to be strong and respectful of differences. And I like to think that kids of partnered gay guys are some of the most TRULY loved and cherished by their parents because of the greater difficulties of just having kids in the first place.

 

I think nearly everything I was going to say was covered by The Enigma and oldies84 except for one thing. How does living as a gay man, married to a lesbian who you don't actually love in that way and who you don't live with help the kids

???
Yeah, there is currently the potential for a kid with gay parents to be bullied or whatever for it, I'll admit that. Really though, there always have been, and there (hopefully not, but who am I kidding) will always be bullies. If it's not one thing, they will find something else. I don't think that is a good reason to mess up their life and yours.
Also, why marry her if you are just going to use her for her reproductive potential? Why don't you just sleep with her and avoid the future hassle if a divorce when one of you want to marry someone you love?
Another thing; wouldn't a kid (adopted, or whatever) be much better off living with one set of parents? I don't think a single person could say "I just love switching houses all the time, it's so fun having divorced/separated parents" unless there is abuse or fighting or something of that nature.

 

Have you seen the number of posts on here about the gay penguins? Have you heard the stories of a female/male (avian) couple giving one of their eggs to a male/male couple for them to raise?
Humans are the only species on this planet (recorded so far) where homosexuality and gay couples raising kids is considered abnormal.

 

Why is it more ideal? That's the question I'm asking. What makes a child born from your testicles better than some orphan? Do you think they're going to be better off in life? So you're saying an orphan couldn't possibly lead successful futures? Are you saying your lineage is fraught with success exclusively?

What motto is that? You live in a house with a mom and a dad? That's not a motto, fyi. What's wrong with two moms or dads? So if it's not less normal, then why does it have to be fixed to be natural? That's a contradiction. What you got there is called internalized homophobia. You've ingrained the idea that all families must consist of a mom/dad to be successful. Maybe you don't understand...but there are plenty of children out there with a single or coupled gay parent that are successful.

In-fact, I think gay parents are more suited more often to be parents. Would you know why that is? Because often gay parents can't have children. The reason they seek children is to love someone and raise a child. Thus, children aren't often 'accidents'. Usually, they're mentally prepared for the task. And they teach them equality and ethics most households never preach to their young.

But that's not normal. So we can't have that, right?

Yeah, it's so fair when mom and dad divorce because gay parents don't do that either. Sure it's fair when moms a cheater and dads an alcoholic, because two dads or moms would never do that. Golly, life is so fair with straight parents because gay parents disadvantage their young.

Well, actually, NEWS FLASH!
Life's unfair.

So living with a lesbian and having a child with someone you don't love isn't a lie? When people ask where your child came from, you also won't lie?

Queer as Folk does NOT NOT NOT represent gay life style or culture accurately or remotely. Have you actually been around gay people or culture? I mean actually experienced it? You have to in order to know.

What's 'real' marriage? Lol A white picket fence? God, don't make me laugh.
Marriages like that are so very far and between that don't break apart within a few years. Eternal love and harmony is near non-existent. Gay people raise their children and live 'gay' lives all the time. Bein gay does not mean you go clubbing, fuck some tricks/johns, or participate in activism 24/7. Again, stereotype.

All the parts filled with bias, ignorance, and homophobia. So you must excuse me while I get clarification. I have a hard time swallowing bull :***: as you'll see. Alone and don't have kids? Well, not everyone has kids...Being gay is not going to make you alone and not have kids. Well maybe, if you carry on like this for the rest of your life. Going to be hard to find a significant other with attitudes shown above.

Do you think I'm wrong?
Why?

It can. It depends on what you do with your life. We all have choices. I don't see yourself happy now, actually. How old are you? You can't love others if you don't love yourself.

 

Dude. I'm not sure what you are expecting, but you will only have people telling you to live a life out of the closet. If you want us to say, "Sure! It's a GREAT idea to get married to someone you don't love because you fear society's backlash on your as-of-yet unborn children! Pure GENIUS!" Well, it's not going to happen.

And speaking of being selfish, are you going to lie to your child and tell them that you are in love with your bio-wife? Gay life versus Family life. It doesn't exist. It's a fictional problem created by bible-thumping conservatives who want to scare straight people into repressing our rights and force gay people back into the closet. It may be your opinion that you can't live happily with two fathers or two mothers, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are correct.

Natural BLAH BLAH. Fuck natural. You wouldn't be talking to us if we were still "natural". Vaccines are not natural. Computers, cars, the food we eat. Our lives are no longer natural. What is this obsession with being "natural"? Nature is a terrifying place. It's dog-eat-dog out there. Fuck natural.

I have a feeling that you are not out of the closet quite yet. I'm also willing to bet that you are still quite young. With these two things taken into consideration, I am positive that as you educate yourself more about our community, you will realize that a family and a loving partner can happen. It's not about normalcy. It's about what makes you happy. And right now, you have been sufficiently brainwashed to believe that having 2.5 children, a white picket fence and a wife who cooks your meals will make you happy. Give it a bit of time.

 

Why are your opinions so strong about it? You've spouted so many, in my opinion, fallacies about gays and parenting and kids that I could easily pick up in American Family Association literature. And you seem to argue that every other instance of parenting (awful divorce, parents not wanting/loving their kids, lesbian and gay guy having a sham relationship hiding from their families, kids being bullied for much worse) is somehow an improvement because the kid is the natural offspring of a man and woman. I hate throwing this term around much, but it seems there's a lot of internalized homophobia in many of your arguments.

There is at least one EC member (balletbeauty I think) who has two moms. I hope she can bring some perspective.

 

Humans? lol

But yeah...gay penguins story has a meaning behind it. Those who say homophobia is not natural just need look at nature...where we come from. Animals have been gay, and people have been gay since ancient times. It's nothing new...it's not some new sickness...

He just wanted to point that out.

 

I was just going to say that, thanks for saving me the effort.

 

Seems to me that raising children in a "friendship" marriage where both parties have other lovers that the other is fully informed about would mess up a kid far more than having two daddies ever could.

Furthermore, it sounds to me like you are idealizing a straight relationship, even one where both parties genuinely love one another. Marriage and raising children is very difficult as it is. Taking the love and commitment out and putting outside parties in multiplies that ridiculously. The whole thing is a breeding ground for anger, jealousy, and most likely some very messed up children. Not to mention that it wouldn't be true to yourself. Would you ever be really happy that way? I know you have it all figured out that you could still live a life with a partner and "just be married" but I fear that is not how it works. Marriage is a very serious commitment. There is only one space available for the "person I want to share the rest of my life with" and putting two people in there doesn't work. If you're really committed to someone, you want to share your *whole* life with them. Not just the sexual and emotional part. What about the rest of the things marriage entails? You could never live together, travel the world together, raise your children together. Without those things, you don't have a true long term committed relationship the way you want. I'm sorry, but you can't try to make an arrangement like that work. It's not healthy for you, your partner, or your children- and isn't protecting them why you wanted to do this in the first place?