Anyone who has read my recent posts will know that I came out to a work colleague/friend just over a week ago. A fairly thrilling experience and a great boost to my happines in the following days. The person I came out to also told me that they 'swing both ways' which wasnt a massive shock. Anyway, last night he sent me a text that I wasnt really ready to deal with, and its left me a little uncertain. He sent a text asking if I wanted to get together with him sometime. There are a few reasons why I am uncertain where to go. First off he is a work colleague, and he is a level above me grade wise, I dont know how things would play out if hooking up with him didnt go so well. I'm still not high in confidence, suffer from low self-esteem at times, and although the attention in itself is kind of a boost I still dont feel ready to open myself up to potential pitfalls of relationships. I'll obviously have to be at some point. I'm something of a weekend drinker and this guy can drink quite heavily during the week. I like him as a friend - just not sure if going any further is wise. I was able to buy myself by being honest about what my problems are and that I need to try and sort some issues out first. Its a strange position to be in for me.
Well first thing is first. What do you want to do??? If you don’t want to have a relationship with this guy then tell him. If you’re not sure because you’re still getting used to the gay scene then tell him that. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, he is obviously comfortable with sexuality, but you’re still feeling a little unsure it’s okay to take the time to get to a better place.
I agree with malachite. If you aren't comfortable yet, just explain that to him. It can be good to take things slow sometimes. There will be other guys at other times when you feel ready to date. Plus, you said you were worried about the work thing and you see him more as a friend. If you had fallen head over heels for this guy, it might be a more difficult decision, but in this case, I think it would just be better to explain yourself to him and wait until you are ready. good luck. Oh and congrats on coming out at work!
What do I want to do? Before the text came through I didnt want it to come through mostly for the reasons I indicated in my opening post. The work thing is a fairly big one for me. He is a supervisor in the same area of work as I am, although he isnt my supervisor, I think its maybe a bad idea to blur lines. When it came through I have to admit I was a little flattered. I'm not the best looking guy in the world and my confidence isnt brimming over so to have someone take an interest is nice, but, I dont want to rush things now that I have made some steady (Albeit slow) progress. I'm not ready for this to happen, and I think I got that across to him in a non-direct way, so I just hope he doesnt push it. I think that is a good point. If I had been 'head over heels' about him then there would not have been a decision to make. I would have done it even though work concerns would still have been there alongside the other more personal concerns. That isnt the case, I do like him, just not enough to override my concerns at the minute.
He asked if you wanted to "get together with him some time." Was it worded differently than that to suggest that he meant 'start dating' or 'hook up' some time? Perhaps he's just trying to be supportive and friendly?!? Perhaps he's gone through the same kind of anguish that we've all talked about here to conclude that he's bisexual. Maybe he's just offering to be someone that you can talk to. Perhaps he just wants to be friends. Or have I missed something?
It's not really a wise thing to get involved with someone you work with. If it doesn't work out or if something bad happens,you're stuck working with him. It's up to you,but you need to really think this through. And,if you're not ready to be with anyone yet,give yourself time. Coming to terms with being gay and starting to come out to people,is stressful enough. ( congrats on both!) Good luck,hon. I wish you all the best.
